Wednesday One-Liners in Smell-O-Vision

Hipster girl: I’d rather face the stigma of buying feminine hygiene products than face the stigma of having a stinky hoo-ha.

–13th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: agreed

Girl: Remember Diana? Stinky Diana? She’s back, and she’s getting married.

–West 47th & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Peter G

Chick: If I’m going to play beer pong, I need to be fragrant.

–Sammy’s, 11th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: McF

Little boy to dad: I don’t want to go to Africa! I don’t want to smell the camels!

–5th Ave & Park Pl, Park Slope

Voice on intercom: The Children’s Section is closed due to… that smell.

–NY Public Library, East 96th St

Overheard by: Diane

Chick: So, did you smell your toilet paper?

–MoMA cafe

Overheard by: Sweettart

Posted on September 1, 2020
All Wednesday One-Liners, Health and Hygiene, Hipsters, Kids, Scents of the City

It Makes It Look Bigger

Girlfriend: So, my Christopher is a little feminine sometimes…
Boyfriend: I spent two hours shaving this morning!
Dude: Yeah, but shaving what, is the question.
Girlfriend: Not that.
Boyfriend: No, that was yesterday.
Dude, disgusted: I was talking about your legs, but thanks…

–Hershey’s store, Times Square

Overheard by: equally disgusted

Posted on August 27, 2020
Body Parts, Couples, Health and Hygiene, Sexuality, Store, Times Square

You May Need to Exfoliate and Moisturize

Teenage girl #1: Ew, I have such bad dandruff. I need to like get rid of it because I can never wear black.
Teenage girl #2: Ew I know, me too! Except I have crotch dandruff.
Teenage girl #1: Umm… What’s that?
Teenage girl #2: I don’t know but every time I scratch my crotch it looks like it’s snowing.

–A Train

Overheard by: Does that mean she can’t wear black pants?

Posted on August 10, 2020
Clothing, Colors, Compare/Contrast, Default, Friends, Girls, Hair, Health and Hygiene, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Private Parts, Sensory Experiences, Teens

Circumcision Peels the Potato; Neutering Juliennes It

Man: We had him circumcised.
Woman: Circumcised?
Man: Yeah, whatever you do with dogs. You know…
Woman: Neutered?
Man: Isn't that the same thing?

–Central Park

Overheard by: Nettle

Posted on August 3, 2020
Central Park, Health and Hygiene, Man's Best Friend, Men, Parks, Private Parts, Questions, Women, Words

And Isn't a “Safety Position”, Like, a Sex Thing?

College girl #1: I mean, if I saw a person seizing in the middle of the street, I probably wouldn't help them.
College girl #2: Yeah, I wouldn't know what to do.
College girl #1: She said that because of her first aid class, she knew to put him in a safety position, but I don't even know what that means! I mean, if a person is having a seizure, I don't think any position is very safe for them…

–Madison Square Garden

Overheard by: Scarlett

Posted on July 22, 2020
Health and Hygiene, Madison Square Garden, School and studying, Sensory Experiences, Students

I'm Sorry for Your Pain– Just Remember It's Not My Fault

Guy to whispering girl: What?
Girl #1: You don't wanna know.
Guy: Yeah, I do.
Girl #2: No, you don't.
Guy: I don't! Why do you whisper? Include me! I wanna know!
Girl #1: Fine. I'll tell you. (loudly) My uterus hurts!

–63rd Drive, Queens

Overheard by: Therese

Posted on June 29, 2020
Body Parts, Girls, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Queens, Questions

Wednesday One-liners Spell It “Aminals”

Guy: …and he had, like, shark teeth! Three fucking rows of them! I swear.

–Fulton & Gold

Posted on June 18, 2020
Anger Management, Animals & Nature, Backdoor, Body Parts, Breaking Up, College, Crime and Punishment, Death, Fordham, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Health and Hygiene, Man's Best Friend, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Music, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Poop, Pop Culture, Sex, Sex & Relationships, Suits, The Bronx, Times Square, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Violence, We Love Our Pets

Wednesday One-liners Join the Jet Set

Southern woman on cell: I could not feel worse than I do right now…You will…Oh my god, they are gonna have to land that airplane so you can vomit.

–66th between CPW and Columbus

Overheard by: Charlie

Dirtbag: Man, I have to get over to Europe. I gotta sell a fucking kidney.

–St. Mark’s Place

Man on cell: Yeah baby, yeah, I’m still in London. Yeah, I’ll be back on Wednesday, baby.

–West 4th & Jane

Conductor: You’re now entering the country of Brooklyn. Please have your passports ready…

–F train

Overheard by: Paul Eng

Posted on May 15, 2020
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Health and Hygiene, Men, Money & Class, Not New York, On Cell, On the Subway, Street, Stupidity, Subway conductors, Travel, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Women

Think I Could Pass Off Bulimia As Repeated Exorcisms?

Black girl #1: You look great. You are like wasting away from your fast.
Black girl #2: Thanks! I asked my brother the other day if I continued fasting after Lent ends, would that be considered a diet or just anorexia?
Black girl #3: Oh my god! I always want to do that.
Black girl #2: He said anorexia, but I'm still thinking about it.

–Town Hall, 43rd St

Overheard by: jesus would be so proud

Posted on May 9, 2020
Black People, Diet/Weight, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Physical appearance

Well, Alexander Hamilton Is My Idol

Storeworker: Can’t you at least pick up what you dropped?
Customer: I can’t bend. I have a bad back.
Storeworker: Why don’t you pretend it’s a ten dollar bill? Bet you’d dive pretty quick for that, wouldn’t you?

–Marshall’s, Bensonhurst

Overheard by: Deborah Olin

Posted on May 4, 2020
Cashiers, Customers, Etiquette, Health and Hygiene, Money & Class, Store

Health and Hygiene