Wednesday One-Liners Get Schooled

Guy leaving registration line: Yo,son, I'm a fucking college student!

–Borough of Manhattan Community College

Girl to friend: If I blow off the first day of class to go to Nobu, am I really meant to be an MD?

–Nobu Restaurant, Tribeca

Crazy guy: School is good! School is very good! You can speak Chinese! You can speak Japanese! (counts to ten in Spanish.) School is good! School is very good!

–C Train

Overheard by: Emily B.

Hipster art student: He keeps giving us too many penis assignments. I don't wanna do another penis assignment.

–Pratt Institute

Blonde: My mom wants me to look at graduation dresses…yeah, let's see if I get there first.

–Austin St, Forest Hills

Posted on February 16, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, College, Crazies, Education, Friends, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Insults, Languages, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Penis, Queens, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, School and studying, Street, Students, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Work Day One-Liners

Postal worker to another: Oh, no, don't worry. You do what you want. It is impossible for them to fire you, girl.

–Tompkins Square Park

Mr. Big, sarcastically on cell: Is there anything else that I can do for you, honey, while I'm out making a living?

–First Class Cabin, American Airlines

Overheard by: Frequent Flyer

Scruffy drunk hipster guy to frumpy drunk hipster girl: That's how girls touch me… at work.

–Cobble Hill Brooklyn

Guy on cell: I really need to give up drugs cause, like, no one will hire me. I'm gonna wait a few weeks and try to get a job at Food Emporium.

–Astor Place

20-something girl to another: See, the thing with sweatshops is, at least they have jobs.

–Chelsea

Overheard by: arielle

Well-dressed gay man to another: Doesn't she know the best part of her job is going through the OfficeMax catalogue to order matching office supplies? That should be the highlight of anyone's day!

–E Train

Overheard by: lk

Posted on February 12, 2015
Airports, All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Coworkers, Drugs, Drunks, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Jobs & Careers, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parks, Promiscuity, Queer guys, Questions, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Behind the Scenes With Wednesday One-Liners

Suit on cell: I just don't know what my problem is. I keep getting fucked in the ass, and I just can't figure out why!

–54th b/w Madison & 5th

Overheard by: Pedro

Gay guy to boyfriend (angrily): Well, fine–you can fuck your own ass then.

–W Train

Overheard by: Bethany

Female suit on cell: That's the last time I tell him he can put it anywhere…I haven't been able to sit right all day.

–54th & 5th

Overheard by: GP

Hipster girl to friend: These short-haired girls are starting to piss me off. The only reason why they get all the artsy guys is 'cause they look like fellow fags and aren't prissy about taking it up the butt.

–6 Train

Overheard by: lauren

Girl on cell: He wanted to do it in the butt… No, his butt.

–37th & 7th

Serious woman to friends: Yeah, my students are telling me that the newest thing is butt sex.

–116th & Broadway

Posted on February 6, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Backdoor, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Hair, Hipsters, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, Queer guys, Suits, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, Women

Oh, Honey, It’s So Not What You Think

Artsy hipster girl: Oh my god, I haven’t seen you in so long!
Woman: What’s new?
Artsy hipster girl: I’m going to circus school in two weeks!

–L train

Posted on February 3, 2015
Education, Hipsters, On the Subway

So You Should Probably Stop Making Out with Her

Hipster girl: You know Mabel’s dead, right?
Hipster boy: [Snickers.]

–9th St & Ave B

Overheard by: Rebecca Katherine Hirsch

Headline by: troy

Runners-Up:

· “And hen I heard about 9/11 I laughed so hard the milk came out my nose” – David Reitmeyer

· “If I Knew You Were Going To Take That Attitude, I’d Never Have Named The Fetus” – ED

· “Stan never thought about the awkward exchange AFTER you put your girlfriend’s cat in the microwave” – alexcalibur

· “There are people named mabel who are still ALIVE?!” – mimi marquez

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on February 1, 2015
Abortion, Body Parts, Death, Food, Gadgets, Headline Contest Winners, Hipsters, Hook Ups, Kink, Manhattan, Names, Terrorism, Union Square and East Village

Junkies All Ride Unicycles, You Know

Hipster girl staring at bike locked to sign: Why would anyone steal just the front wheel of a bike?
Hipster guy: To buy heroin.

–Grand & Driggs

Overheard by: Adam

Posted on January 30, 2015
Girls, Guys, Heroin, Hipsters, Questions, Thievery, Williamsburg

I Came Back to Spread the Word

Hipster chick #1: So, what did he wear on the way back into town?
Hipster chick #2: Nothing. He was totally naked.
Hipster chick #1: You were on some nudist island and didn’t know it.
Hipster chick #2: I’m telling you, it’s not a nudist island. It’s just Europe.

–14th St, between Ave B & Ave C

Posted on January 28, 2015
Global Geography, Hipsters, Nudity, The Village, Travel

Which Is Also How I Feel About Greek Statuary

Hipster #1: She's Palestinian.
Hipster #2: From what I've seen of Palestinians, they're cute, well except on Al Jazeera.
Hipster #1: Yeah, when they're not screaming or headless…they're pretty good looking.

–A Train

Posted on January 28, 2015
Beauty, Hipsters, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Stupidity, War

Parts Of Wednesday One-Liners Are Really Quite Nice

Irate professional woman on cell: I raced down to Penn Station to buy a ticket to New Jersey, and now you tell me you're going to Hooters?

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Erin and Willa

Blonde hipster: I knew I needed to get out of there when I heard her saying, "we should go to that bar next because it's near the PATH!"

–Rivington & Essex

Train conductor: The next stop is Park Place. Transfer is available to the a, c, e and PATH to Newwwwwwwwwww Jersey. I also have wonderful news that I am dying to tell you today. All 2 and 3 trains are making local stops this weekend. There are no express trains because of service changes.

–2 Train

Girl, interrupting singing couple: Guys, we need to class it up, we are not in Jersey anymore!

–5th Ave & 86th

Overheard by: GerMan in NY

Four-year-old boy: I don't wanna go to New Jersey!

–New Jersey Transit Terminal, Penn Station

Hipster: But you were in New Jersey when you got pregnant, it's okay.

–1st & St. Mark's