Lord, I Was Born a Ramblin' Wednesday One-Liner

Chick on cell: Are you sure this is a sex trip and not a "meet-my-parents" trip?

–14th St

Overheard by: Argopelter

Laughing woman on cell: I'm going to be so busy when I get back! My week of relaxation is just going to be ruined by a hurricane.

–Starbucks, Park Ave South & 29th

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Guy to three hot girls carrying luggage: Oh, hello, ladies. I also travel! What a coincidence! (girls walk away laughing) You can run! I will find you! It's only a matter of time!

–Financial District

Black woman on phone: Ya, man, I just got back from Miami. Shit, I'm still jet lagged!

–Wendy's, Flatbush Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: oh really?

Blonde girl on plane to another: I figured out on this trip that if you pack your lightest clothes on the bottom of your suitcase it will weigh less! Coming in, my suitcase weighed 54 pounds, and going home it only weighed 46! (second blonde nods knowingly)

–LaGuardia Airport

Overheard by: Meagan O.

Hobo: Hey girls, could you spare some change? Please? It's for my Hawaii fund! I'm gonna wear a bikini and dance the hula. And fuck it, I'm freezing my butt off!

–University Place & 10th St

Overheard by: queenofscots

Posted on May 13, 2009
Airports, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Black People, Brooklyn, Clothing, Girls, Guys, Hobos, Holidays, Homeless, Insults, Jobs & Careers, LaGuardia Airport, Laughter, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, Panhandling, Parents, Pick-up Lines, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Science, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Starbucks, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Time, Travel, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Will Work for Wednesday One-Liners

Middle-aged woman: My work is better than my personality, honestly.

–40th b/w Park & Madison

Overheard by: Jim

Girl on cell: But you don't speak English or Spanish good. Baby, you just aren't that smart, how you supposed to get a job?

–Baskin & Robbins Downtown

Conductor: I really don't give a damn whether or not you stand clear of the closing doors, because regardless of where we go I'm still working.

–1 Train

Overheard by: gefilte fish junkie

Hobo, arguing with another: Don't talk to me like I'm yo' job.

–Harlem

Overheard by: Emily

Whiny lady on cell: Yeah, so I think I am allergic to my office. (pause) Oh, no, no, I am positive I am allergic to something in the office. Every time I am in there, sitting in my chair, I get these pains in my back.

–41st St & Park Ave

Overheard by: you still have a job, ungrateful lady!

Hobo to passers-by: Where are you all going? There ain't no jobs.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Jillian

Posted on May 13, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Compare/Contrast, Conductors, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Health and Hygiene, Hobos, Homeless, Jobs & Careers, Languages, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Passengers, Public Transportation, Questions, Store, Strangers, Street, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Our Site Wouldn't Be the Same Without the Wednesday One-Liners

Hobo to long-haired hipster playing around with remote-control car: Get a job, asshole!

–Norfolk & Rrivington, Lower East Side

Overheard by: globalvillageidiot

Hobo to passerby: Hey, wanna cum on my ass?

–72nd St & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Rei

Hobo to girl giving him money: Not too much, gorgeous!

–13th St & University

Hobo: What time is bedtime at the Neverland ranch? When the big hand touches the little hand! (pause) Why does Michael Jackson like twenty-seven year olds? Because there's twenty of them!

–1 Train

Bag lady, screaming and chasing a suit: You muthafucka, you stole my 401k! I'ma getchya and take it back!

–52nd & 6th

Overheard by: Get me out of Finance

Posted on May 6, 2009
About Celebrities, Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Bag ladies, Cum, Girls, Hipsters, Hobos, Homeless, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Money & Class, Offers and requests, One-liners, Panhandling, Questions, Robbing the Cradle, Strangers, Suits, Thievery, Threats, Time, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Nothing Personal

Hobo, standing too close: Don't worry, pretty girl, you ain't got nothing to be scared of. I won't hurt you.
Pretty girl: Oh, I'm not. (smiles) But you should be terrified, 'cause I'll fuck you up.

–14th St

Overheard by: Lucy Lurks

Posted on May 5, 2009
Fears, Fighting and ass kicking, Girls, Hobos, Homeless, Street, Threats

And a Little Hobo Shall Lead Them

Girl wearing boots, leggings and long sweater to friend: It's so cold!
Hobo: Go put some pants on!

–La Salle & Broadway

Posted on May 5, 2009
Advice, Clothing, Friends, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hobos, Homeless, Street, Weather

American or Australian?

Breakfast cart guy: Do you have change for a $5?
Customer: No, sorry.
Breakfast cart guy, to hobo under blanket: Do you have singles for a $5?
Hobo: Me? Why are you asking me… (stops to think) Wait…as a matter of fact, I do!

–3rd Ave & 9th St

Overheard by: Hunter

Posted on April 28, 2009
Clerks, Customers, Hobos, Homeless, Money & Class, Offers and requests, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness

My Publicist Will Issue a Statement Later in the Ride

Bad lady, starting her speech: Ladies and gentlemen…
Conductor over speaker: Ladies and gentlemen, there is no begging allowed on New York City subways. I repeat, there is no begging allowed on New York City subways.
Bag lady, looking nervous: I'm sorry, ladies and gentlemen, the conductor of the train and I do not get along.

–2 Train

Overheard by: Adam

Posted on April 26, 2009
Bag ladies, Conductors, Homeless, On the Subway, Panhandling, Public Transportation

It's a Law!

Indian hipster on cell: Yeah, man, no worries. I want to see you guys. I'll definitely finagle my way uptown somehow.
Crazy hobo, jumping alongside hipster: Yeah! You gotta finagle! How else would you get there? Finagle, man, you gotta finagle!

–Bowery & Broome

Posted on April 24, 2009
Crazies, Hipsters, Hobos, Homeless, India Indians, Jobs & Careers, Lower East Side, Money & Class, On Cell, Street, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners, Now With Delicious Credit Crunch!

Hobo, yelling to crowd: The stimulus plan won't work! The banks have no money! We need to stimulate the banks! You know how? Cocaine and hookers!

–53rd st & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Andrew

Professor: I knew the economy was bad when I saw Saks had layaway. Layaway is for Wal-Mart, not Saks!

–NYU Law

Guy on phone with mother: No, mom! I'm not going to walk on Wall St today. (pause) Because I don't feel like getting hit by a falling body, that's why.

–Broadway & John St

Asian metrosexual to friend entering clothing store: No, I wanna stimulate the economy!

–SoHo

Overheard by: Galatea

Cute young professional: I better be able to go into a bar and say, "I have a job, and it's recession proof. Wanna see what my bed and a Magnum condom look like?"

–72nd & Broadway

Overheard by: Lindsay D.

Guy on cell: I'm telling you, when a place like that switches from Charmin to Duane Reade toilet paper, you know the economy is in the shitter.

–Great Jones & Broadway

Posted on April 22, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Cocaine, Compare/Contrast, Condoms, Friends, Guys, Hobos, Homeless, Jobs & Careers, Metrosexuals, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Money & Class, NYU, Offers and requests, On Cell, Pick-up Lines, Prostitution, Shopping, Soho, Suicide, Teachers/Professors, The Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

And Nobody Trusts a Chubby Hobo

Hobo: I'm so hungry. I ain't eaten nothing since yesterday.
Kind-hearted woman: Here, take the other half of this sandwich.
Hobo: Sorry, I don't eat carbs. Those shits don't do nothing but make you fat.

–Ditmars & 31st, Astoria

Overheard by: Allison

Posted on April 9, 2009
Astoria, Diet/Weight, Food, Hobos, Homeless, Nice People

Homeless

It's a Law!