Our Site Wouldn't Be the Same Without the Wednesday One-Liners

Hobo to long-haired hipster playing around with remote-control car: Get a job, asshole!

–Norfolk & Rrivington, Lower East Side

Overheard by: globalvillageidiot

Hobo to passerby: Hey, wanna cum on my ass?

–72nd St & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Rei

Hobo to girl giving him money: Not too much, gorgeous!

–13th St & University

Hobo: What time is bedtime at the Neverland ranch? When the big hand touches the little hand! (pause) Why does Michael Jackson like twenty-seven year olds? Because there's twenty of them!

–1 Train

Bag lady, screaming and chasing a suit: You muthafucka, you stole my 401k! I'ma getchya and take it back!

–52nd & 6th

Overheard by: Get me out of Finance

Posted on May 6, 2009
About Celebrities, Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Bag ladies, Cum, Girls, Hipsters, Hobos, Homeless, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Money & Class, Offers and requests, One-liners, Panhandling, Questions, Robbing the Cradle, Strangers, Suits, Thievery, Threats, Time, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Nothing Personal

Hobo, standing too close: Don't worry, pretty girl, you ain't got nothing to be scared of. I won't hurt you.
Pretty girl: Oh, I'm not. (smiles) But you should be terrified, 'cause I'll fuck you up.

–14th St

Overheard by: Lucy Lurks

Posted on May 5, 2009
Fears, Fighting and ass kicking, Girls, Hobos, Homeless, Street, Threats

And a Little Hobo Shall Lead Them

Girl wearing boots, leggings and long sweater to friend: It's so cold!
Hobo: Go put some pants on!

–La Salle & Broadway

Posted on May 5, 2009
Advice, Clothing, Friends, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hobos, Homeless, Street, Weather

American or Australian?

Breakfast cart guy: Do you have change for a $5?
Customer: No, sorry.
Breakfast cart guy, to hobo under blanket: Do you have singles for a $5?
Hobo: Me? Why are you asking me… (stops to think) Wait…as a matter of fact, I do!

–3rd Ave & 9th St

Overheard by: Hunter

Posted on April 28, 2009
Clerks, Customers, Hobos, Homeless, Money & Class, Offers and requests, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness

My Publicist Will Issue a Statement Later in the Ride

Bad lady, starting her speech: Ladies and gentlemen…
Conductor over speaker: Ladies and gentlemen, there is no begging allowed on New York City subways. I repeat, there is no begging allowed on New York City subways.
Bag lady, looking nervous: I'm sorry, ladies and gentlemen, the conductor of the train and I do not get along.

–2 Train

Overheard by: Adam

Posted on April 26, 2009
Bag ladies, Conductors, Homeless, On the Subway, Panhandling, Public Transportation

It's a Law!

Indian hipster on cell: Yeah, man, no worries. I want to see you guys. I'll definitely finagle my way uptown somehow.
Crazy hobo, jumping alongside hipster: Yeah! You gotta finagle! How else would you get there? Finagle, man, you gotta finagle!

–Bowery & Broome

Posted on April 24, 2009
Crazies, Hipsters, Hobos, Homeless, India Indians, Jobs & Careers, Lower East Side, Money & Class, On Cell, Street, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners, Now With Delicious Credit Crunch!

Hobo, yelling to crowd: The stimulus plan won't work! The banks have no money! We need to stimulate the banks! You know how? Cocaine and hookers!

–53rd st & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Andrew

Professor: I knew the economy was bad when I saw Saks had layaway. Layaway is for Wal-Mart, not Saks!

–NYU Law

Guy on phone with mother: No, mom! I'm not going to walk on Wall St today. (pause) Because I don't feel like getting hit by a falling body, that's why.

–Broadway & John St

Asian metrosexual to friend entering clothing store: No, I wanna stimulate the economy!

–SoHo

Overheard by: Galatea

Cute young professional: I better be able to go into a bar and say, "I have a job, and it's recession proof. Wanna see what my bed and a Magnum condom look like?"

–72nd & Broadway

Overheard by: Lindsay D.

Guy on cell: I'm telling you, when a place like that switches from Charmin to Duane Reade toilet paper, you know the economy is in the shitter.

–Great Jones & Broadway

Posted on April 22, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Cocaine, Compare/Contrast, Condoms, Friends, Guys, Hobos, Homeless, Jobs & Careers, Metrosexuals, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Money & Class, NYU, Offers and requests, On Cell, Pick-up Lines, Prostitution, Shopping, Soho, Suicide, Teachers/Professors, The Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

And Nobody Trusts a Chubby Hobo

Hobo: I'm so hungry. I ain't eaten nothing since yesterday.
Kind-hearted woman: Here, take the other half of this sandwich.
Hobo: Sorry, I don't eat carbs. Those shits don't do nothing but make you fat.

–Ditmars & 31st, Astoria

Overheard by: Allison

Posted on April 9, 2009
Astoria, Diet/Weight, Food, Hobos, Homeless, Nice People

Sorry, I Didn't Realize– Here's a Twenty, Sir.

Hobo with cup of change in hand: You have any change?
College kid: Sorry, I don't have any money.
Hobo: Get a fucking job, you bum.
College kid: Fuck you! You first!
Hobo: I'm working right now, asshole.

–Washington Square Park

Posted on April 2, 2009
Apologies, Frat Boys, Hobos, Homeless, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Money & Class, Panhandling, Parks, Washington Square Park

Wednesday Is Gin Day.

Drunk hobo, eyeing designer bottled water: Hey lady, is that all vodka?
UES lady, without missing a beat: Not this morning.

–4 Train

Overheard by: austin

Posted on March 30, 2009
Drinking & Drunk People, Drinks, Drunks, Hobos, Homeless, On the Subway, Questions, Women

Homeless

It's a Law!