You Don't Really Know Someone 'til You Wednesday One-Liner With Them

Girl: I haven't told my new roommate that our upstairs neighbor sounds like the Count when she's having sex.

–L Train

Man to two female companions: Don't you hate it when you go into your bathroom and find your roommate's pubes on the sink?

–Pratt Institute

Overheard by: Sarah

Jersey mom: We're so lucky she got a good roommate, one that doesn't stay up late or listen to rock music.

–Fordham University

Overheard by: Liz

Guy to friend: If you are 35 and living in New York with 3 roommates, you should just shoot yourself, right?

–Outside Whole Foods, Union Square

Confused NYU male: The only people I would consider hooking up with are like, my roommate and like, Carl, my cousin.

–University Place & E 9th

Posted on March 24, 2010
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, B & T, College, Compare/Contrast, Family Ties, Fordham, Frat Boys, Friends, Girls, Gripes, Hair, Health and Hygiene, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Men, Moms, Music, On the Subway, Parents, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Street, Suicide, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Whole Foods

Wednesnogsday One-Liners

White male to group of friends: I thought she was really into me… Then I turned around and she was kissing Mary.

–Pace University

Girl to boyfriend kissing her hand: Are you kissing my hand or wiping your nose?

–Central Park

Young boy to friend: Wow, lesbians kissing! I've only seen that on the internet!

–Grand Central Station

Black man to two men and two women making out indiscriminately: I thought all y'alls was gay, but now y'alls kissin' each other. I don't know what to think.

–Splash Bar

Posted on March 3, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Black People, Body Parts, Boys, Central Park, College, Couples, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Grand Central, Guys, Internet, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, One-liners, Parks, Questions, Sexuality, Strangers, Train Station, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, White People

Wednesday One-Liners Go Animal Crackers

Burly father to daughter, passing grizzly bears: I have no compassion for stuffed animals.

–Bronx Zoo

Overheard by: Tarah

Guy to friend: I'm totally going to try to hook up with a dolphin when I'm in Cozumel.

–St. Mark's & 3rd

Girl: I would love to have sex with a cheetah!

–Bronx High School of Science

Overheard by: urbanadventurer

Girl carrying reindeer head on bicycle rickshaw: It's not a moose head, it's a reindeer!

–4th Ave & 3rd St

Woman on cell: So are you still dating the tortoise man? (pause) So is this a good or bad thing?

–Bergen & Court

Overheard by: Staying away from the herpetarium

Posted on February 10, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Beastiality, Body Parts, Bronx Science, Dads, Dating, Friends, Girls, Guys, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Kids, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Questions, Stupidity, The Bronx, Travel, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Raise Your Hand If You Love Drunk Talk

Guy #1: So I spent most of the night at her place, but we only made out.
Guy #2: Dude, she wanted to fuck you!
Guy #1: I know, I don't know what I was doing.
Guy #2: Well, dude, you did fuck her!
Guy #1: What'ya mean?
Guy #2: She wanted to fuck you, but you didn't fuck her, right?
Guy #1: Right.
Guy #2: She got fucked!

–Lolita Bar

Posted on February 7, 2010
Bars & Clubs, Guys, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Sex, Wishes & desires

Only When You Mistake Krazy Glue for Lube!

20-something #1: Men don't kiss whores, they fuck 'em! There's no attachment at all!
20-something #2: What the hell are you talking about?! There's attachment! The dicks are attached to the pussy!

–21st & 6th

Overheard by: Sienna

Posted on February 4, 2010
Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Friends, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Penis, Sex, Vagina

Crowding Out All the Perfectly Rational Jews, Catholics and Muslims

Drama queen: So we're so right for each other and we stayed up, like, forever talking, and then he kissed me. But don't get too excited; there's a huge problem.
Uninterested friend: Mmm-hm?
Drama queen: He's a Mormon. Like, his whole family is Mormon, and he kind of sort of believes in all that crap with the golden plates.
Uninterested friend, suddenly interested: Goddamn! Just when you think you've met the perfect guy, you find out that he's a Mormon. Shit. I tell you, those motherfuckers are everywhere!

–Starbucks, Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Actually, more like multiple-teenage-girl fuckers, but that just doesn't have the same ring.

Posted on January 10, 2010
Friends, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Nicknames & name calling, Religion, Starbucks, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

…Transvestite

(couple enters elevator, making out and groping each other as they enter)
Meathead boyfriend to semi-attractive girlfriend: Are they going to make me sign out and then sign in when we get back?
Semi-attractive girlfriend: I'm not sure, I think probably.
Meathead boyfriend: Well, if it helps keep you safe…
Semi-attractive girlfriend: Speaking of safe, I think I have another stalker. But this time, he's 6'3″, 230 pounds, and a fireman.

–Columbia Dorm

Overheard by: Z

Posted on January 7, 2010
Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Couples, Diet/Weight, Elevators, Height, Jobs & Careers, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Meatheads

And Definitely Not Enough Sex for You.

Mom, reading magazine: You heard of Twilight? Is it good?
Kid: Dunno. I don't think you'd like it. It's got kissing. And vampires.

–Barnes & Noble, Tribeca

Overheard by: Quack

Posted on November 21, 2009
K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Kids, Moms, Movies, Parents, Questions, Store, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

…I Own You

Trashy high school girl: I'm so glad I'm finally a freshman.
High school boy #1: Why?
Trashy high school girl: Because then I can make out with all the hot jocks.
High school boy #2: Wait… You make out with me.
Trashy high school girl: Yeah, but you're my boyfriend.

–Central Park

Posted on November 3, 2009
Central Park, Couples, Frat Boys, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Parks, Questions, Relationships, School and studying, Sorority Girls

…Though, to Be Fair, I Don't Act Like That with My Hairdresser.

Ghetto Latina: He's so fucking stupid! This morning I kissed him goodbye and said “you're my world.” and he goes “why you gotta be so dramatic?” Like, what the fuck?
Ghetto black friend: Damn!

–Houston & Hudson

Overheard by: Suit

Posted on November 2, 2009
Black People, Friends, Ghetto Chicks, Insults, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Latinos, Questions, Soho, Stupidity

K-I-S-S-I-N-G