Mom: Shit, it's raining!
Four-year-old: Fuck!
–Times Square
Overheard by: leah
Mom: Shit, it's raining!
Four-year-old: Fuck!
–Times Square
Overheard by: leah
Cute, pigtailed five-year-old: I want my pills!
WASPy, harried-looking mother, to staring people: She means her vitamins. Ha, ha.
Cute, pigtailed five-year-old: No, mommy, my piiiiiiiiiiils!
–102nd & Broadway
Overheard by: I Want My Pill Too
Four-year-old Asian boy: Is this train going to Jamaica Center? The same as e train?
Mom: Yes.
Boy: So they need to watch out for guns?
–F Train
Nine-year-old girl: Mom, that kitten is so cute! Can we get a kitten?
Mother: Honey, I know it's cute, but we have to take care of the two cats we already have.
Nine-year-old girl: No, I know. I mean when they die.
–Veterinarian Waiting Room, Upper East Side
Overheard by: Ben A
12-year-old hood rat #1, taunting three 20-ish bike riders at red light: Yeah, you ride that bike.
12-year-old hood rat #2, laughing: Yeah, fuck you! Ride that bike!
Biker girl: Yep, we’re riding our bikes [light turns and they ride off].
12-year-old hood rat #3: There they go.
–Dean St & 3rd Ave
Little girl on dad’s shoulders: Hmmm. Beer. I’m not really a fan of that anymore.
–Outside MSG
Overheard by: eric p
Guy on cell: Dude, I’m sayin’, it’s like every single time we have sex she is drunk! Sooo drunk… [Sighs.]
–Canal St
20-something chick on cell: Well, they do say alcohol solves problems…
–Houston & 1st Ave
Overheard by: Chris
NJ transit conductor: We are now approaching New York Penn Station. If you are traveling with any small children, the elderly, or drunk people, please escort them off of the train — maybe by the hand — because there is a wide gap between the train and the platform.
–Penn Station
Mom to wobbling little girl: Are you a drunken sailor? Drunken sailor, yay!
–Liberty St & South End Ave
Overheard by: julia
British girl to two friends: … And I knew he was drunk that night because he fell over.
–R train from Brooklyn
Overheard by: Mark
Mom (to young girl banging on subway seat): Stop that, quiet.
Young girl: What'cha gonna do, open up a can of whoop-ass on me?
Mom: Girl, what did you say? Where did you learn that?
Young girl: You always say it to daddy.
–2 Train
Eight-year-old thug looking at four-year-old in khakis and a tie crossing the street with nanny: Man, look at that pussy ass!
13-year-old thug sister: Dumb shit!
Eight-year-old thug yelling at four-year-old: Dumb pussy ass piece of shit!
–69th & Broadway
Overheard by: Stunned, yet amused
Mohawk teen: Not like a Barbie — it’s like a real short midget, but skinny and hairier.
Five-year-old girl: Like G.I. Joe?
Mohawk teen: G.I. Joe isn’t hairy, he’s just a man-Barbie with guns.
–18th St station
Overheard by: tom
Little boy stabbing balloon man with a balloon sword: Die! Die! Die! Die! Die!
Balloon man: Goodbye! Be good, everyone!
Little boy, still stabbing: Die! Die! Die! Die! Die!
–Central Park
Overheard by: Rick Felice
Headline by: Matthew
Runners-Up:
· “And if that doesn’t do it, I challenge you to water pistols at dawn!” – Cynthia
· “Except you, kid. You go fuck yourself.” – ImmaculatePizza
· “He Who Lives By The Balloon…” – Hobo Whisperer
· “You too, Brutus.” – Aeirlys
