Wednesday One-Liners Didn't Mean It Like That

Mother to two-year old son: Zachary, I am not continuing this discussion with you all day long! If you don't like what's in your mouth, just spit it out!

–Dunkin' Donuts

Nerdy Jewish Barnard girl on cell: I can just imagine it in my mouth, the taste of it.

–116th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Sully

Young boy running with soaked t-shirt: I need to be squirted! Somebody has to squirt me!

–89th St

Father to young daughter: Want me to squirt it in your mouth?

–Astoria

Overheard by: Mark

Foxy Fox news producer to another: I know you wanted something hard, so I slipped you Shively!

–Starbucks

Posted on November 18, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, BJs, Body Parts, Columbia University, Coworkers, Dads, Jews, Kids, Moms, Nerds, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Orgasm, Parents, Penis, Restaurants & Cafes, Sensory Experiences, Starbucks, Students, Wednesday One-Liners, Wishes & desires

One-Liners All Have Wednesday DNA

Woman on cell: And then he threw the wig and car keys at him, and to me, that says family!

–West Village

Overheard by: Kate S

20-something on cell: Yeah, I Rickrolled my cousin's Bar Mitzvah last night. No, he didn't get it, the sheltered little Short Hills prick.

–MoMA

Overheard by: Trevor

Young guy in deli to friend: So getting support from my parents is like dealing with a record label. You have to create a buzz, make it seem like you're doing something, or they don't want to be involved with you.

–Frank's Deli

Drunk girl: That's my brother! But we're both only children.

–Pieces Bar, Christopher St

30-something man to 30-something woman: When are we ever going to find a time when both of our parents aren't home?

–7th & 1st

Posted on November 18, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Cars and Driving, Celebrations/Parties, Compare/Contrast, Delis, Drunks, Family Ties, Friends, Girls, Guys, Internet, Kids, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, MoMA, Music, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Questions, Rumor Has It, Street, The Village, Time, Wednesday One-Liners, West Village, Wishes & desires, Women

Well Played, Little Man. Well Played.

Little boy: Where's my hat? I need my hat!
Mom: Where's some manners? You need some manners.
Little boy: Actually, they're in my hat.

–Brooklyn

Posted on November 17, 2009
Brooklyn, Clothing, Etiquette, Kids, Moms, Parents

Not As Much As Tom Cruise, Though.

Angry woman to frantically dancing little boy: Stop that! Stop it! Have you lost your damn mind?
Little boy, still dancing: Yeah… a little!

–6th Ave & 18th St

Posted on November 17, 2009
Anger Management, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Dancing, Kids, Women

Given Your G-Rated Childhood

4-year-old boy to father waiting in line to buy ice cream cone: I used to like chocolate, but not so much anymore. (pauses to consider) Now I think it's disgusting.
Father, shocked: That's pretty strong language!

–Bittersweet Cafe, DeKalb Ave

Overheard by: Hilariter

Posted on November 15, 2009
Brooklyn, Dads, Food, Kids, Parents, Restaurants & Cafes, Words

Not As Much As Tom Cruise, Though.

Angry woman to frantically dancing little boy: Stop that! Stop it! Have you lost your damn mind?
Little boy, still dancing: Yeah… a little!

–6th Ave & 18th St

Posted on November 15, 2009
Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Dancing, Glad the Condom Broke, Kids, Women

Portrait Of the Repeat Offender As a Young Man

Father to little boy: If you keep misbehaving, the police are gonna take you to jail.
Little boy: (giant grin)

–110th & Broadway

Overheard by: Ladle

Posted on November 14, 2009
Cops, Crime and Punishment, Dads, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Kids, Parents, Prison, Threats

I'd Eat Human Babies If They'd Make My Thighs Look Smaller

Little boy: The Russians eat brains?
Mom, looking at cookbook: This is a French cookbook.
Little boy: The french eat brains?!
Mom: Not human brains. Animals'.
Little boy: That's disgusting!
Mom: Yes, it's very high in cholesterol.

–Barnes & Noble, 86th & Lexington