Flushed and Slurring Wednesday One-Liners

Female baggage handler to male colleague: I don't drink tequila no more. That's how I got my first kid.

–LaGuardia Airport

Very impressed girl on cell: Whoa! You actually remembered her name this time? Were you not drunk?

–12th St & University Place

Overheard by: Mr. Hedge

Seemingly sober grad student: Let's face it. We'll be drunk in (checks watch) fifteen minutes.

–Fayerweather Hall, Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

NYC police officer: How hard can it be to find a drunk person on this floor?

–Port Authority Bus Terminal

Overheard by: Vanessa

Girl with drink, to friends: This will have to be my last one, guys, I have to go babysit.

–Greenwich Ave & Charles Street

Overheard by: Jodi

Posted on August 20, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Cops, Coworkers, Drinking & Drunk People, Friends, Girls, Jobs & Careers, Kids, LaGuardia Airport, Nicknames & name calling, On Cell, Port Authority, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Students, The Village, Time, Women

Oh Wait– There's JLo's Ass

Camp counselor pointing to giant brass globe: Guys, look! This is America… And way out here is Hawaii…
Camper: I can't find where's The Bronx.

–Museum of Natural History

Overheard by: Autumn

Posted on August 19, 2008
Default, Education, Global Geography, Kids, Museum of Natural History, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors

Too Easy– That Was Like Sandblasting a Soup Cracker

Ten-year-old tourist girl wearing pink Crocs: Smoking is bad for you!
Smoking queer: Crocs are for retarded kids who can't tie their own shoes.

–50th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Scott

Posted on August 18, 2008
Advice, Default, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Insults, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Queer guys, Retardation, Shoes, Smokers & Smoking, Smoking, Tourists

They Rent Out Kids for Precisely That Purpose

Girl: He sucks at his job. How does he not get fired?
Friend: He probably uses the kid card.
Girl: The what?
Friend: You know, the “Oh, look at my kid!”

–Astor Place & Broadway

Overheard by: christine y0

Posted on August 17, 2008
Default, Friends, Girls, Jobs & Careers, Kids, Questions, The Village

So It's Kosher

Man: Holy shit!
Little child: Ooooohh! Mommy, he said shit.
Mother: Don't worry, it's holy.

–Liberty Avenue

Overheard by: Karina

Posted on August 16, 2008
Brooklyn, Christianity, Insults, Kids, Men, Moms, Words

The Prelude to Dr. Seuss's Fat N' the Cat

Little fat boy: Moooom?
Very fat mom: Yes, sweetie?
Little fat boy: I can't wait until grandma dies so I can have a cat.
Outrageously fat dad: He's so creative, isn't he? (pats fat boy on the head)

–7 Train

Overheard by: Celebrifi.com

Posted on August 14, 2008
Boys, Compliments, Dads, Death, Default, Family Ties, Fat People, Kids, Moms, On the Subway, We Love Our Pets, Wishes & desires

If You Liked Waiting for Godot, You'll Love This Quote

Little kid: Who is you? Who is you? Who is you? Who is you? Who. Is. You?!?!?!?!
Woman: Does it matter?

–Knickerbocker Ave.

Overheard by: anonymous

Posted on August 14, 2008
Brooklyn, Default, Kids, Questions, Weirdness, Women

Overheard in Wednesday One-Liners

MTA employee high-fiving another: That's why I always wear my uniform to court. I ain't no thug; I ain't no criminal; I work for the City of New York!

–127th & Lenox

Female suit to friend: Welcome to New York. Have a good day somewhere else.

–Washington Square South

Overheard by: Hey, I like New York.

Crazy bag lady to parents of babbling toddler: Shut your fucking kid up! If you want PC, this isn't the fucking place!

–AirTrain to Jamaica

Barista: I keep forgetting that "New York" doesn't equal "World."

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Chris K.

Girl on cell: A blood draw, a pelvic exam, and a shot in the ass all on the same day… Yeah, well, it is New York.

–Lafayette & Franklin

Posted on August 13, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bag ladies, Baristas, Blood & bleeding, Body Parts, Clothing, Coworkers, Crazies, Crazy, Etiquette, Friends, Girls, Grand Central, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Jobs & Careers, Kids, Lower Manhattan, Offers and requests, On Cell, Suits, Washington Square Park, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Are Just Playin'

Guy to girl: The point of the game is to make the other person unwittingly look at your genitals.

–106th & Amsterdam

Ghetto kid to friend: If I was in the middle of sex, I would say I'll come back to you later, play in the poker game, and then come back and bust that nut.

–9th St & 8th Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Rahstah

Worker to partner: You know what I'm going to do since I don't have to work tomorrow? I'm going to turn the volume on my laptop all the way up and play pinball until 1 am. It will be so loud! Ping ping ping ping!

–69th & Lexington

Overheard by: 6th Floor Blogger

Hipster girl on cell: I'm going home to eat and relax first, and then I'll be over to play Tropical Barbie bingo.

–Lorimer/Metropolitan, Brooklyn

Group of little girls to little boy: Wanna play Mormon family with us?

–Brooklyn Botanic Garden

Overheard by: James

Posted on August 13, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Coworkers, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Kids, Laptop, Offers and requests, On Cell, Players, Private Parts, Questions, Religion, Sex, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Video Games, Weirdness

Because a Simple “Fuck Off” Just Isn't Very Classy

(very pretty girl waiting for the cross light to change)
Crazy old man: Yum, you sure are pretty.
(no response)
Crazy old man (excited now): Yummy! I like them pretty ones.
(pretty girl hisses at him and walks away)
Tourist dad to little girl: See, darling? That's how you handle those situations.

–Broadway & Houston

Posted on August 12, 2008
Beauty, Compliments, Crazies, Crazy, Creepsters, Dads, Default, Kids, Old People, Parents, Pedophilia, The Village, Tourists