Men

One Time I Caught Him Doing a Line of Mashed Potatoes

Elderly man to waiter: You know, that looks like 'shrooms.
Waiter: Sir, this is couscous.

–Broadway & 90th

Overheard by: GuyonaMac

Headline by: Bojo

Runners-Up:
· “All Of Us Have a Bad Experience with Rice-A-Roni” – the blue one
· “Bernie’s Attempts at Discreetly Finding a Drug Dealer Have Failed Yet Again” – RaeAn
· “It’s Not Easy Being Keith Richards’ Waiter” – I’ll have the mushroom soup
· “Well, Then You Clearly Got My Order Wrong.” – Timmy
· “Whatever, As Long As It Gets Me Where I Want to Go” – PeterG

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Your Excitement about This Makes Me Wonder If the Wedding's a Good Idea

Man #1: I'm going to have so many guys in my wedding party, my wife is going to have to put some of them on her side.
Man #2: What? And wear…
Man #3: Exactly! Dudes…dudes with cocks!

–Bathgate Ave & Fordham Rd

Overheard by: Satty

Wednesday One-Liners Get Physical, Physical

Guy on cell: But baby, it's a full body workout, depending on the position.

–Pratt Campus

Jogger on phone: I gotta stay in shape, you know? I'm not getting any younger. Even though the guys I graduated with look worse than I do.

–Marine Park, Brooklyn

Overheard by: wantsoutof_bklyn

Older lady to young male athletic facility employee: Do you have big balls? Exercise balls? I want bigger balls than you have there.

–NYU Palladium Athletic Facility, 140 E 14th St

Overheard by: JohnB

Large smoking man with burrito and Margarita: I can never work out, I'm too drunk all the time!

–Blockheads

Overheard by: how do you live?

Sassy black lady: Daaaamn! You're making me walk all the way to 45th Street?

–42nd St

Large Latina on cell: So I grabbed the baby and said "Kali! She likes this!" and started doing squats.

–Prospect Park

Overheard by: Russel

Wednesday One-Liners Put Their Jammies on

Intoxicated girl to another: So, I went into Sleepy's the other day… Apparently, you're not allowed to sleep in there.

–Belle Harbor, Queens

Overheard by: redxdress

Woman coming out of bathroom stall (yawning and stretching): Wow, I just had the most amazing nap!

–Madison Ave

Overheard by: I<3Auditors Girl to friends: I slept over at Natalie's, and I was really drunk and had taken sleeping pills…

–Staten Island Ferry

Salesgirl to no one in particular: I had the best dream about Aids last night…

–Beacon's Closet, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Joe Roumeliotis

Man on phone: Man, sometimes when I be wakin' up, my body be like "Alright, let's do this!" Then a few minutes later it be like: "Naaaah, fuck it!"

–Union Square

Overheard by: Stepheb

Father to five-year-old son as man in gladiator costume walks by the day after Halloween: That man had a sleepover last night.

–23rd & 3rd

Overheard by: We were all thinking it

…When Did I Have Peas?

Young woman, after vomiting all over the train: I'm fine.
Young man: You're not fine, you just threw up!
Young woman: Well, I'm fine now.

–Q Train

Overheard by: MPW

Church Avenue? Figures

Woman: God loves us all. It doesn't matter if you have a lot of money or where you come from. It's time for you to give yourself to him. Believe in god!
Man #1: Hey! Get off the PCP!
Man #2: Lady, shut the fuck up! Shut. The. Fuck. Up.
Woman: Well, I'm sorry you feel that way. (leaves)

–F Line, Church Ave Stop

Overheard by: carrieb

So Could You Mop the Amniotic Fluid Off the Floor or What?

Managerial-looking guy in suit in lobby of movie theater: So let me get this straight. Your pregnant wife left in the middle of the movie, but you're still here.
Husband: Yeah, but I gave her cab fare.

–84th & Broadway

Wednesday One-Liners Are Pretty Sharp

Conductor: Stand clear of the doors. You are delaying service. (pause, then impatiently) Stand clear of the doors! You are delaying service! (pause) I will come back there and stab you if you do not get out of the doorway.

–Uptown 1 Train

Overheard by: Special K

Loud girl: I will stab someone just to prove a point.

–E 187th

Overheard by: Martian

Woman on cell walking little boy: I told you he was an asshole last weekend. (pause) Why did you expect any different? (pause) You ain't gonna stab no nigga. I'm gonna call you "Captain Stab 'em." (laughs) You always saying you gonna stab somebody!

–Manhattan Bridge

Overheard by: Lacy

20-something man: I know…I just couldn't pull out my sword fast enough.

–Canal St

Overheard by: Richard

Actor: Yeah, it's a great part! I play a father who stabs his son…

–M23 Bus

Young suit: Wouldn't it be awesome if, like, right across the street from my apartment we could buy fireworks? …and swords!

–81st & Broadway

I Was Gonna Make a Bra with Those

Man with four traffic cones slung over his shoulder: They took our fuckin' cones, man.
Friend: They what?
Man: I'm taking our fuckin' cones back. They stole our fuckin' cones.

–5th Ave & 13th St

And You Were Singing “Deutschland, Deutschland, Über Alles”

Old German man: Last night those people were staring at us. All of them, staring!
Old American woman: Yeah, they were. I wonder why.
Old German man: I bet they were German too, I wonder if they could tell I was German.
Old American woman: You were dressed pretty classy.

–LaGuardia Airport

Overheard by: Jake

© 2026 OverheardinNewYork.com
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist