Wednesday One-Liners Were “Working Late”

Girl to friend: Get all your cheating in before you are married!

–Viacom Building, 44th & Broadway

Angry dude on cell: Well I bet you enjoyed fucking him last night while I was sitting outside your house watching!

–Hudson & Morton

Guy on cell: Hey sweetie… Oh, you’re so out of breath! Did you just finish having sex? [Pause.] Oh, okay, great. Just give me a call later!

–85th & 2nd

[Boy and girl are making out on a bench.]Girl, pulling away: You should really break up with her! [Make out session continues.]

–Entrance to Central Park at West 85th St

Overheard by: Bex

Man to woman, after kissing her for 20 minutes: C’mon, let’s go find your husband and my wife.

–Bryant Park

Man talking to friend in hallway: And so he says to me: "I never promised that I wouldn’t try to sleep with your wife."

–Basement, Mt Sinai Hospital

Overheard by: scrubs

Checkout girl to another: He said it wasn’t cheating because I’m his favorite.

–Food Emporium, 68th & Broadway

Overheard by: David

Posted on March 24, 2015
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Breaking Up, Bryant Park, Buildings, Central Park, Friends, Girls, Grocery Stores, Guys, Hospitals, Infidelity, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Marriage, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, Questions, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, West Village

This Sounded Much More Poetic in the Beatles' Song

Man, pleading: But, honey…I love you.
Woman, cold as ice: I love you, too…yesterday.

–FAO Schwarz

Posted on March 22, 2015
Comebacks, Love, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Store, Time, Women

Man, Those Hobos Really Need to Take Some Creative Writing Classes

Lady to young man: Excuse me, sir, I just lost my wallet…
Young man (interrupting): And you need a dollar to get a bus home?
(lady says nothing and walks off)

–14th St b/w 2nd & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: I love Artichoke!

Headline by: Allison

Runners-Up:
· “Actually I Was Hoping for Your Emergency Condom” – “Jimmy” Wrapper
· “Asshat Misses Chance at Cheap BJ” – Leary Blaine
· “Ladies Get Turned Off by Todd’s Premature Speculation Problem” – FizzyGurrl
· “Maybe She’s Afraid Of Psychics” – tedric
· “Psh, Like Buses Only Cost a Dollar” – samson
· “They Give You More If You Just Call It a “Bailout”” – stimulated economy
· “This Might Have Worked Better If They Hadn’t Already Been on the Bus” – KateNonymous

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on March 22, 2015
Headline Contest Winners, Men, Money & Class, Panhandling, Public Transportation, Questions, Union Square and East Village, Women

SWM ISO Vampires in Tracksuits

Guy #1: Can we go to Italy Town?
Guy #2: You mean Little Italy?
Guy #1: Yeah. I’ve got someone I need to piss off before sunset.

–NJ Transit train

Overheard by: Aileen Gallagher

Posted on March 21, 2015
Anger Management, Ew, Jersey, Men

But It Was Lovely Inhaling the Fragrance Of Your Youth

Twenty-something holding clipboard: Sir, sir! Can I have a minute of your time?
Older man (stopping and patting twenty-something's hand): Well, dear…no.

–Bryant Park

Posted on March 20, 2015
Activists, Bryant Park, Default, Men, Offers and requests, Old People, Questions, Time

Wednesday One-Liners Get Some Pussy

Knitting girl: Don't let your drunk girlfriend name your cat, because eventually you will break up with her and then you'll have a cat with a stupid name.

–The Point Knitting Cafe

Overheard by: Heather

Woman coming out of restroom, holding a bottle of liquid soap: You gotta keep the cat clean!

–NYU Hospital

Overheard by: A nurse who wish she wasn't sometimes!!

Female tourist, to herself: There are nine ways to skin a cat, and I know all of them.

–23rd & 8th

Man to woman, arguing: Fuck you, Nina, that's the point. You're not taking my cat!

–Central Park

Old man to friend, during lunch: I don't like cats' attitudes. Unlike dogs, they can be so aloof. Especially to Jews…

–Deli, 1st Ave

Overheard by: Allison

Posted on March 17, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Baristas, Breaking Up, Central Park, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Cleanliness, Compare/Contrast, Delis, Drinking & Drunk People, Friends, Gay Man's Best Friend, Hospitals, Insults, Judaism, Man's Best Friend, Men, Names, Old People, One-liners, Parks, Restaurants & Cafes, Stupidity, Tourists, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, West Village, Women

Is That… Cilantro?

Cafe staff: Excuse me, are these yours? (holds up jogging shorts)
Man at computer: No, but I do like smelling used shorts.

–Snice Cafe, 8th Ave & Jane St

Overheard by: T. Castillo

Posted on March 17, 2015
Baristas, Clothing, Men, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Sensory Experiences, Weirdness, West Village

That Would Explain All the Helmets.

Man to woman after hearing a man sing “Amazing Grace”: Maybe it was the all-retarded hour at church.

–Bronx

Overheard by: ClaRity

Headline by: bobofthejungle

Runners-Up:
· “Another Happy Sunday with Simon and Paula.” – again
· “But It Still Beats the All-Amputee Hour at the Strip Club.” – SNA
· “Flowers For AlgerNun” – Paul K.
· “From Midget Masses to Handicapped Hymns, Mega-Churches Pull Out All The Stops” – stacey
· “They’re Down with God” – Rostkowski

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on March 15, 2015
Church, Headline Contest Winners, Insults, Men, Retardation, Singing, The Bronx

Harriet Found That Acting Crazy Got Her to the Front of the Line More Quickly

Woman: I’m getting married.
Man she just met: Oh, congratulations! When is the wedding?
Woman: When I find a man who wants to marry me.

–DMV License Xpress, 34th & 8th

Overheard by: Irritated Eavesdropper

Posted on March 13, 2015
Marriage, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Questions, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

‘I’ Before ‘E’, Except After ‘C’, or in Wednesday One-Liners

Guy on cell: Yeah, it’s weird, it feels like I’m still alive.

–W 8th & Broadway

Guy: I still think surprise necrophilia is weird.

–Robert Louis Stevenson School

Overheard by: Lucas

Man to woman companion: I hate single people. They’re all weird.

–90th b/w 2nd & 3rd

Man on cell: February is a weird month for Jews.

–9th St. and 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Hannah

Trader Joe’s employee to another: No, I would not call her weird. It takes a lot for me to call somebody else weird because I am not the most normal person on the planet myself. Meow!

–Trader Joe’s, Union Square

Overheard by: Ingwall

Observant girl: Just because you get weird haircuts doesn’t mean you’re smart.

–Bowery & Rivington

Posted on March 12, 2015
9 to 5-ers, All Wednesday One-Liners, Compare/Contrast, Coworkers, Fast Times at New York High, Girls, Grocery Stores, Guys, Hair, Insults, Judaism, Lower East Side, Men, On Cell, Relationships, Sensory Experiences, Street, The Village, Time, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, Women

Men