Moms

Smart Genes? No, Those Are in the Wash Today.

Mother: Which side do we get out on?
12-Year-Old daughter: Whatever door opens, Mom.
Mother: Yeah, but both doors say they’ll open.
12-Year-Old daughter: Just get out on the side with the platform, Mom.

–LIRR

Overheard by: vick
Headline by: Spotty Muldoon

Runners-Up:
· “Dad Went to Harvard; Mom Went to Nassau Community” – bri b
· “God Never Closes a Door Without Confusing a Mother” – Eamon
· “Mind the Generation Gap” – d f
· “Must Be as Smart as This Door to Enter the City” – Amy Stephenson
· “Not a Throw Momma From The Train Fan” – John P.
· “The Other Side Is For the Tourists” – Andrea P
· “Twelve-Year-Old Finally Tells Mom Where to Get Off” – Vince Johnson
· “When She Was Pregnant, She Asked the Fetus Which Hole It Would Come Out Of” – janey
· “Wile E. Coyote Needed This Kind of Help” – DC Wonk

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

And Stop Waving That Around

Four-year-old boy: I'm sexy.
Mother: No, you're handsome.
Four-year-old boy: I'm sexy!
Mother: No! You're handsome!

–D Train

M4M Wednesday One-Liners

Teenager: Do you know where the Gay Pride Parade is?… I’m not gay!

–Astor Place

Guy: And so, this one gay guy in your office was wearing these pants, and his fly was open and this straight guy could see his penis, or some shit like that, right?

–9th St, Park Slope

Queer on cell: You really think she’s into gay guys?

–NYU

Guy, pointing to gay hipster: That’s like “I like it in the bum” written in hair.

–Peculier Pub, Bleecker St

Overheard by: Mad

Mom, to young son: It’s not a matter of being gay or not, darling. I just won’t let you participate in your school play.

–Broadway

Girl: Well, I couldn’t really sing the last part. We were both on our backs with our legs wide open. The only redeeming fact is that he was gay!

–Corbin Plaza, Brighton Beach

Overheard by: Anti-Traffic Girl

Flamboyant tween boy: I hate health class! You know what I’m going to do in health class today? I’m going to tell the teacher I’m gay! And that I like to suck dick!

–5th Ave, Park Slope

Here, Suck on This Sugar Cube.

Son: Can I have a grape soda?
Mother: When you're 12.
Son: When I'm… 10?
Mother: When you brush you teeth better.

–49th St

Overheard by: Justin

Sorry– I Only Meant We’re Too White to Get Off Here

Five-year-old child: Is this our stop, mommy?
Mother: No sweetie, this is the ghetto. Never get off here.
(two people sitting across give them dirty looks as they leave the train)

–Metro-North, Harlem

Overheard by: getting off at the 125th street stop

Why Don’t You Ever Take an Interest in My Activities?

Little girl playing video game: I’m shooting fish.
Mom: Stop talking retarded.
Little girl playing video game: But I’m supposed to shoot the fish!

–Queens Center Mall

Maybe if it was, your father would finally want to give me an orgasm

Daughter: But mom, I don’t like the chicken.
Mother: Sorry, honey, not everything can be McDonald’s.

Headline by: Snowy in Seattle

Runners-Up:

· “Hates the chicken, but loves the cock” – Humberto

· “Hookers on “Take Your Daughter to Work Day”” – Krisztina

· “Just give George Bush one more term…” – Noh

· “M.A.F.D.- Mothers Against Fat Daughters” – L Friz

· “McDonlads is the only thing that doesn’t taste like chicken” – Babakganoosh

· “So shut up and eat the rest of your Meow Mix” – remark


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Meanwhile Her Ghost Will Be Right Here, Reading Me Stories.

Woman to ten-year-old daughter: And then we'll go to the cemetery to visit nana.
Four-year-old son: Can I come to the cemetery, too?!
Woman: No.
Four-year-old son, defiantly: Well, you're not going to see nana anyway. You're just going to see her grave!

–59th St & Lexington

Overheard by: Rachel C.

Pedro Does Undercover Work for Moms Throughout the Tri-State Area

Mother: Honey, your dress is just too low. I know you don’t mean to, but when you wear things that show that much of you, you attract the wrong kind of men.
Scary Mexican man sitting across: Oh honey, you definitely do.
(girl hastily pulls her dress up)

–1 Train

Overheard by: Anna

Illegal Chinese Fireworks

A two year old Chinese girl decided to squat on a manhole cover.

Chinese Mom: What are you doing?! That will warm up your butt and it will burst into flames!

–66th & Columbus

Overheard by: Todd Seavey

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