Wednesday One-Liners Go Balls Out

Male kickballer: You know, I always like waking up with two testicles!

–Queensboro Oval, 59th & York

Overheard by: Me too

Bag lady outside of a shelter to another: Men think all they got to do is show us their dick and balls and we gonna be mesmerized.

–30th St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Beef Cheeks

Gay guy: Yeah, I stopped watching that game after he started dressing up like a woman and kicking photographers in the balls.

–Park Ave & 20th St

Overheard by: fey

High school girl wrapping arms around other girl's shoulders: Suck my balls.

–60th b/w Broadway & Columbus

Overheard by: Krisztina

Posted on September 10, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bag ladies, Balls, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Gender issues, Girls, Guys, Insults, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Penis, Queer guys, Teens, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Believe You Have Their Red Swingline Stapler

Black suit on cell : What'cha mean you can't get a job? Tupac's been dead for years and the nigga's still putting out albums!

–Center St & Pearl St

Overheard by: Big Larry

Friendly suit to friend: It's not about getting the work done! It's about…well, I don't know what it's about.

–Vessey & Broadway

Overheard by: mondo man

Suit in next office: Okay, I have officially hated today! (phone rings) No! Fuck you!

–Office Building, W 46th St

Overheard by: TheGreenCat

Guy on cell: So, did you find me a job yet? (pause) Well, I want something that isn't challenging, pays well, and doesn't care when I show up.

–NJ Transit

Overheard by: Cori

Guy on cell (about to start bank teller shift): Come on and hurry up. I'm trying to get drunk before I start my second job.

–Chase Bank, Times Square

Young woman yelling into cell after being refused entrance: Goddamn, whose dick I got to suck to get my career started? Tell me where they at!

–Lobby, Herald Square Towers

Posted on September 3, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Bank, BJs, Black People, Buildings, Compare/Contrast, Death, Guys, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Lower Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Questions, Suits, Times Square, White People

All Overs a Cities

(girl is shrieking)
Guy: What? There are mouses all over the city.
Girl: It's mice.
Guy: Right, that's what I said. Mices.

–37th & Lexington, Murray Hill

Overheard by: Morgan

Posted on August 25, 2008
Animals & Nature, Compare/Contrast, Default, Girls, Guys, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Stupidity, Words

He's Not Just President of the Ghetto; He's Also a Member

Asian chick: Yeah, we're sisters!
White chick: Don't you mean “sistas”?
Asian chick: Oh, yeah, right.
White chick: Why is it I have to teach you ghetto language when I am the least ghetto person I know?
Homeless guy: What's wrong with the ghetto?
White chick: Nothing's wrong with the ghetto. I'm just not from there.
Homeless guy: The biggest dicks are in the ghetto!

–33rd St & 3rd Ave

Posted on August 22, 2008
Advice, Asians, Compare/Contrast, Default, Girls, Guys, Homeless, Language Barrier, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Penis, Questions, White People, Words

…No Disrespect, Dad

Father: …and a sugar cookie.
Barista: Which color?
Father (to son): Which color do you want? (to barista) Purple.
Seven-year-old son: No, pink!
Father: Okay.
Seven-year-old son: But that doesn't mean I'm gay.

–Starbucks, 23rd & 5th

Overheard by: Matthew K. Johnson

Posted on August 21, 2008
Baristas, Boys, Colors, Dads, Default, Food, Gays and Lesbians, Kids, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, Starbucks, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners: Ribbed for Her Pleasure

Loud office chick: Oh my god, I found, like, four condoms on the bookshelf!

–Hudson St

Overheard by: Harriet Vane

Serious teen on cell: If you use a condom… It doesn't count.

–Murray Hill

40-something woman to two 20-year-old men: Don't believe any girl when she tells you she's on birth control. Take your condom and keep it in your wallet.

–19th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: McCrum

Guy on cell: You're just mad because your dick is tiny and the condom slipped off.

–Greenpoint, Brooklyn

Powerwalking Indian woman: I mean, isn't that why I went on the pill? So guys can come in me?

–40th & Queens Blvd, Queens

Overheard by: Ohmarkus

Posted on August 20, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Condoms, Desi, Girls, Guys, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, Penis, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Queens, Teens, Weirdness, Women

We Stay Together for the Sake of the Espresso Maker

Bank teller: Are you two married?
Asian girl and white man (angrily): Yes. Just.
Bank teller: You're so loving.
White man: Our marriage doesn't start until noon each day.
Asian girl: After two cups of coffee.

–17th St & 5th Ave

Posted on August 14, 2008
9 to 5-ers, Asians, Bank, Coffee, Compliments, Default, Girls, Marriage, Men, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Questions, Relationships, Weirdness, White People

Wednesday One-Liners' Cups Runneth Over

Thug on phone: Yo, man, you know that bitch I rent my room from? Those titties are triple F or some shit, man! (pause) How do I know that? Cause I looked through her drawers, that's how! (pause) Cause whenever I talk to that bitch, those things are in my face! I had to find out!

–17th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: redshikari

Dude: I have barometric boobies!

–Jujutsu Class, 13th & 7th

Overheard by: Ladle

Dude to friend: Dude, sometimes you just have to say no to boobs.

–St. Mark's Chipotle

College student: Those tits in that shirt look awful… I wanna see cleavage, not leverage.

–Columbia University

Suit on cell: You should get paid more because of how big your boobs are!

–74th & 3rd

Overheard by: Joanna L.

Posted on August 13, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Classroom, Clothing, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Friends, Guys, Jobs & Careers, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Nipples, On Cell, Physical appearance, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Sexuality, Students, Suits, Thugs, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Weirdness, West Village, Words

An Epidemic Of Wednesday One-Liners

Middle-aged white guy to younger black woman: Just leave them a message that's like "I woke up from my coma, don't worry. Not that you were worried anyway."

–Nederlander Theater

Overheard by: julia

Girl to friend: Everything was fine until I found out about the warts.

–Broadway & Waverly

Man to friends: All I know is that I was leaving town the next day, so I told her to take some Pepto-Bismol or Robitussin or whatever because I was gettin' some that night for sure!

–Bodega, 22nd St & 9th Ave

Overheard by: Doug Tischler

Teenage black girl, within a group of friends: Them kids with autism, they be havin' mad skills!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: r. faith

Male yuppie: If she comes back with cold sores, I'll know who to go to.

–San Domenico Restaurant, East 26th St

Girl: Rabies is my biggest enemy.

–Bellerose, Queens