Wednesday One-Liners Really Need to Montauk

Asian fag to white hag: So if a natural disaster happened and Long Island had to be evacuated, we'd, like, all be screwed!

–2 Train

Overheard by: Kosi

Woman on cell: You all should come to Long Island. They're fucking civilized over there.

–Battery Park

Overheard by: Smitten Kitten

Hipster on cell, suddenly yelling: Mom, I live in New York City, not Long Island! New York City! Get a map. I live in New York City.

–Greenpoint

20-something blonde on cell: Uh… Long Island… that's on the East Side, right?

–John St & Cliff St

Overheard by: BennyP

Jersey girl to Long Island guys: Oh my god! I've never been to Long Island! I'll need rockstar directions! Oh, and I totally have camel toe!

–51st & 6th

Overheard by: Fanx 4 that

Posted on August 12, 2009
Accidents, Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, B & T, Battery Park, Brooklyn, Death, Fag Hags, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, NYC Geography, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Queer guys, Questions, Street, Stupidity, Vagina, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, White People, Women

Stephen Hawking: Um…

Man #1: This is it, Times Square!
Man #2: Oh, so is this where time started?

–Times Square

Overheard by: Zack

Posted on July 19, 2009
Men, NYC Geography, Questions, Stupidity, Time, Times Square

Everything They Know About Harlem They Learned from Denzel Washington Movies

Ozzie #1, leaving bar: We should like, go to church tomorrow.
Ozzie #2: Like in Harlem?
Ozzie #1: Yes! Church there is awesome!

–7th St & Ave A

Overheard by: AgnosticLocal

Posted on July 18, 2009
Alphabet City, Church, Foreigners, NYC Geography, Questions, Tourism

If They Could Erect Things That Quickly, Wouldn't the Freedom Tower Be Built by Now?

Ghetto girl #1: What are you staring at?!
Ghetto girl #2: That wasn't there before.
Ghetto girl #1: What?
Ghetto girl #2, very seriously: The Empire State Building!

–34th & 6th

Posted on July 13, 2009
Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Ghetto Chicks, NYC Geography, Questions, Stupidity

…Near Swaziland

Older woman: So where's Bangladesh?
College girl, looking at MTA map: Oh, I think its uptown somewhere.

–F Train

Overheard by: Nehc

Posted on July 5, 2009
Global Geography, NYC Geography, Old People, On the Subway, Questions, Sorority Girls, Stupidity

Wednesday One-Liners from Beyond the NYC Event Horizon

Five-year-old girl, holding her nose, to mother: It smells here! It smells like New Jersey! Mommy! It smells like New Jersey!

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Cicero

Teenager: Oh, wow, I didn't know New Jersey had any buildings.

–Christopher St. Pier

Girl on cell: I think I slept with a whore. Then I woke up in Jersey.

–Washington Square

Overheard by: Rachel

Crazy-sounding drunk girl: Ewww, why are there so many people from New Jersey here?

–Bowery & E 4th

Overheard by: do they emit a particular odor?

NYU guy trying to impress girls: My dad actually grew up right around here. Well…in New Jersey.

–St. Mark's & 3rd Ave

Girl sitting on raised metal platform on front deck to friend: Hey, do you want to turn around? We're looking at Jersey again.

–NYU LSP Boat Cruise

Posted on July 1, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Frat Boys, Friends, Girls, Grand Central, Kids, Moms, NYC Geography, NYU, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Pick-up Lines, Prostitution, Questions, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences, Street, Stupidity, Teens, Train Station, Union Square and East Village, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, West Village

Nor the Laws Of Time and Space

Tourist #1, looking at subway exits: North side or south side?
Tourist #2: What's the difference?
Tourist #1: Well north is north…and south is south.
(both look from one exit to the next and look at each other)
Passing New Yorker: Are you going uptown or downtown?
Tourist #1, thinking: Hmmmm….west.
New yorker: West of 8th…but uptown or downtown? West side of what street?
Tourist #1: Hmm… West side of…23rd Street?
New Yorker, walking away: You don't know what the hell you're doing.

–23rd St

Posted on June 28, 2009
Directions, NYC Geography, Questions, Strangers, Street, Stupidity, Tourism, Tourists

Then Where Are All the Apples, Smart Guy?

Girl: Where is gate 68?
Port authority official: Where are you going?
Girl: New York!
Port authority official, walking away: This is New York.

–Port Authority

Posted on June 8, 2009
Directions, Girls, NYC Geography, Port Authority, Questions, Security Guards

Tomorrow's Lesson: The Boston Red Sox

Toddler, pointing to the Bronx on subway map: What?
Father: Yeah! That's the Bronx, baby girl! Yankee stadium. Better than the Mets and you best not forget! The Mets suck! The Yankees stink, but the Mets suck.

–L Train

Posted on May 22, 2009
Compare/Contrast, Dads, Insults, Kids, Mets, NYC Geography, On the Subway, Parents, Questions, Yankees

I Knew I Used Too Much Product This Morning

30-something woman: I thought you lived in Jersey.
30-something man: Do I look like I live in Jersey?

–William St & Platt

Overheard by: Brunni

Posted on April 13, 2009
Men, NYC Geography, Physical appearance, Questions, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Women

NYC Geography