Man: So, whatever you want to do, I’ll do.
Woman: But…
Man: I’m fine doing whatever makes you happy.
Woman: But that’s stupid.
–Starbucks, 87th & Lexington
Man: So, whatever you want to do, I’ll do.
Woman: But…
Man: I’m fine doing whatever makes you happy.
Woman: But that’s stupid.
–Starbucks, 87th & Lexington
Tourist choir dude: You'll have to smoke.
Tourist choir chick: No, I won't.
Tourist choir dude: Yes, you have to smoke if you live here.
–Broadway & Wall St
Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster
Little kid: Grandma, I want a dollar.
Ghetto grandma: Nigga, we had to work to get money, sometimes we would get beat.
Little kid: Can I get my dollar now?
–The Bronx
Overheard by: Julio Pena
Nerd: They should have an alphabet bar… You know, where they sell you alphabets.
Girl: Wow, are you the new freak on the gymnastics team?
–Bronx Science Gymnastics Team
Overheard by: LSb
Girl: He’s like, "Why so cold?" and I’m like, "You licked my ear! You licked my ear! You licked my ear! I cannot emphasize enough that you licked my ear."
–43rd & 9th
Girl on cell: So if he licked my pussy, would it ruin our friendship?
–W 4th Street
Eight-year old boy: Can I please lick your eyeball, mom?
–Museum of Natural History
Overheard by: thankfully, not the mom
20-something woman talking to friends: So, having some guy really close to your ear with his tongue out is the most horrifying thing ever… Some guy just licked me on the subway. He emptied, like, an entire tube of toothpaste on my hair and back and then proceeded to lick it off me…I got to work and went to the bathroom. I washed my hair, and scrubbed my back raw, but I didn’t feel clean until I got home and took a shower.
–Gift Shop, The Metropolitan Museum of Art
Overheard by: Lauren Weiss
Girl to friend: And then she bent over and he licked her ass.
–Astor Place Subway Station
Overheard by: Shane and Sammy
Pretentious redhead: So I said, "Please don’t lick me. I’m just trying to do my job."
–Uptown E Train
Overheard by: wondering where she works
Suit to suit friend: That's so nice of her, to pick you up at one in the morning. You just asked her to come get you?
Suit friend: Yeah, I called her and I was like “hey, babe can you come get me? I got out of work late. Just wake the baby and bring him in the car.” Twenty minutes later she was there. With divorce papers she had been working on.
Suit: Well, at least she picked you up, bro.
Suit friend: Very true.
–12th & 5th
Overheard by: Sarah
20-something woman: Is she a bialy in real life?
–Tomo sushi, 110th & Broadway
Overheard by: Ursula & Winifred
Very large black woman on cell phone, bellowing: I don’t do no motherfucking corn bread! Why the fuck you always want corn bread, motherfucker?
–St. Luke’s-Roosevelt Hospital, 114th & Amsterdam
Punk girl to another: I wish I was a muffin. But I’m not. I’m a human.
–B Train
Overheard by: id rather be a cupcake
Black Whole Foods employee to black whole Foods customer: You have to be raised on it, you hear me? I was raised on c-town, key foods. I ain’t gonna pay no 4 dollars for no eggs.
–Union Square Whole Foods
Clueless suit on cell: I’m just really bad at knowing if stuff is perishable or not. I just don’t know. Ok, so ice cream -that’s perishable, right? Butter -non-perishable. Caviar isn’t perishable either… Wait, what? Oh, butter is perishable? Wait, how do you know? Does perishable mean it has to be kept in the fridge? Ok, so does caviar have to be kept in the fridge?
–E 60th St
Angry 20-something on cell phone: Why? Why? Because I can’t eat spaghetti-o’s anymore!
–E 13th St & 1st Ave
Woman #1 (searching for seat in crowded theater): Is this seat taken?
Woman #2: Oh, no sweetie, this one will make your butt cramp up. I keep tryin to sit in it but my leg keeps goin numb! It's such a bad butt cramp seat.
Woman #1: I'll take your word for it.
–Lowes Cinema, 3rd & 11th
Middle-aged Republican lady: Do you have any McCain buttons?
Hippie political button vendor: Only this one (shows her “make war, not love” button). It's about how all Republicans think that wars are the most important thing ever.
Middle-aged Republican lady: So, you don't have any nice McCain buttons?
Hippie political button vendor: Do I look like I have any nice McCain buttons?
Middle-aged Republican lady: (long pause) No.
–Outside Central Park
Overheard by: iz
Hispanic toddler, whining: Daddy, I want a corn dog!
Hispanic dad, completely serious: I'm going to punch you in the face.
Hispanic mother: Coño!
–6th & 3rd
Overheard by: Jesse H.
