Wednesday One-Liners Have the Rainbow Connection

Gay man: Now that everything is lesbian, bi and transgender, I don't know if I can lead the committee anymore, 'cause I've got my gay male privilege.

–W 13th St

Man with clipboard: Do you have a moment for gay rights? (silence) C'mon, help support the people that made your clothes!

–10th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: You mean 10-year olds in Honduras?

Thug teenage dad, about baby staring at effeminate Asian man: Oh shit, she's already got her gaydar on.

–4 Train

Chick to friends: I would be like the sluttiest gay guy and it would be totally awesome.

–Christopher St

Man: …and you know there are a ton of gays who have no problem taking it straight up the ass.

–Times Square

11-year-old thuggish boy: No homo, but he looks better than his sister.

–Bronx Playground

Black guy: I'm gay! I'm proud! I'm in the front seat! I'm gay! I'm proud! I'm in the front seat! I love guys!

–Union St & 8th Ave, Brooklyn

Posted on May 31, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Always Bringing it Back to You!, Babies, Backdoor, Beauty, Black People, Boys, Brooklyn, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Dads, Gays and Lesbians, Gender issues, Girls, Guys, Men, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Queer guys, Sexuality, Teens, The Bronx, The Village, Thugs, Times Square, Trannies, Tweens, West Village, Wishes & desires

Smokers Resist Taking the Long View

Smoking hobo: Hey man, can I get a cigarette?
Smoking man: You're already smoking one.
Smoking hobo: Gotta plan for the future!
Smoking man: Now you wanna plan?

–12th St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: Jay

Posted on May 30, 2015
Hobos, Offers and requests, Philosophy, Smokers & Smoking, Smoking, Union Square and East Village

Not Since I Went on Oprah and Tried to Speak

Comedy pimp: You guys like comedy? Wanna see a comedy show?
College guy: Sorry, I don’t usually.
Comedy pimp: Talk to black people?
College guy: Have my sentences finished by black people?

–Times Square

Overheard by: Martin Van Nostrand

Posted on May 30, 2015
Black People, Comebacks, Flyer people, Guys, Offers and requests, Race, Students, Theater & Dance, Times Square

That Doesn’t Even Work on His Partner

Queer suit running toward closing doors: Please hold the doors! [Conductor closes doors, pretending not to hear.] But it’s my birthday!

–F train platform, 63rd & Lex

Overheard by: Catholic School Girl

Posted on May 29, 2015
Birthdays, Offers and requests, Public Transportation, Queer guys, Subway stations, platforms, etc.

Do You Want to Have Surgery to Look Like George Clooney?

Man: So, whatever you want to do, I’ll do.
Woman: But…
Man: I’m fine doing whatever makes you happy.
Woman: But that’s stupid.

–Starbucks, 87th & Lexington

Posted on May 25, 2015
Default, Happiness, Love, Men, Nice People, Offers and requests, Starbucks, Stupidity, Upper East Side, Women

Especially After the Mandatory Sex With Strangers

Tourist choir dude: You'll have to smoke.
Tourist choir chick: No, I won't.
Tourist choir dude: Yes, you have to smoke if you live here.

–Broadway & Wall St

Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster

Posted on May 25, 2015
Default, Girls, Guys, Musicians, Offers and requests, Only in New York, Smoking, Tourists, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weirdness

…You Can Beat Me Later.

Little kid: Grandma, I want a dollar.
Ghetto grandma: Nigga, we had to work to get money, sometimes we would get beat.
Little kid: Can I get my dollar now?

–The Bronx

Overheard by: Julio Pena

Posted on May 24, 2015
Black People, Families, Jobs & Careers, Kids, Money & Class, Offers and requests, The Bronx, Violence

Psh, Like Anybody Normal Goes to Bronx Science

Nerd: They should have an alphabet bar… You know, where they sell you alphabets.
Girl: Wow, are you the new freak on the gymnastics team?

–Bronx Science Gymnastics Team

Overheard by: LSb

Posted on May 23, 2015
Bronx Science, Business and Commerce, Default, Dorks, Geeks and Nerds, Education, Girls, Insults, Offers and requests, Questions, School and studying, Students, Teens, The Bronx, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Presenting the Wednesday One-Liners Lollipop

Girl: He’s like, "Why so cold?" and I’m like, "You licked my ear! You licked my ear! You licked my ear! I cannot emphasize enough that you licked my ear."

–43rd & 9th

Girl on cell: So if he licked my pussy, would it ruin our friendship?

–W 4th Street

Eight-year old boy: Can I please lick your eyeball, mom?

–Museum of Natural History

Overheard by: thankfully, not the mom

20-something woman talking to friends: So, having some guy really close to your ear with his tongue out is the most horrifying thing ever… Some guy just licked me on the subway. He emptied, like, an entire tube of toothpaste on my hair and back and then proceeded to lick it off me…I got to work and went to the bathroom. I washed my hair, and scrubbed my back raw, but I didn’t feel clean until I got home and took a shower.

–Gift Shop, The Metropolitan Museum of Art

Overheard by: Lauren Weiss

Girl to friend: And then she bent over and he licked her ass.

–Astor Place Subway Station

Overheard by: Shane and Sammy

Pretentious redhead: So I said, "Please don’t lick me. I’m just trying to do my job."

–Uptown E Train

Overheard by: wondering where she works

Posted on May 22, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Body Parts, Friendship, Harassment, Health and Hygiene, Jobs & Careers, Kids, Licking, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Museum of Natural History, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Questions, Relationships, Store, Subway stations, platforms, etc., The Met, The Village, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vagina, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

I'm Not Just Her Attorney, I'm Also a Client

Suit to suit friend: That's so nice of her, to pick you up at one in the morning. You just asked her to come get you?
Suit friend: Yeah, I called her and I was like “hey, babe can you come get me? I got out of work late. Just wake the baby and bring him in the car.” Twenty minutes later she was there. With divorce papers she had been working on.
Suit: Well, at least she picked you up, bro.
Suit friend: Very true.

–12th & 5th

Overheard by: Sarah

Posted on May 19, 2015
Cars and Driving, Friends, Offers and requests, Questions, Suits, Time, Union Square and East Village

Offers and requests