Man to girl and friend: Excuse me, excuse me, are you New Yorkers?
Jersey girl, annoyed: No, I'm from Jersey, what do you want?
Man: I'm promoting a spa on 5th Avenue where you can get very clean.
Jersey girl, annoyed: No, I like being dirty. Goodbye!
(man looks surprised)
Girl's friend: She wasn't coming on to you. She means actually dirty.
–Penn Station
Little boy: Dad can I have ice cream?
Dad: No, you had french fries and cookies for lunch.
–95th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Mike Fazio
Fat black chick to random guy, rubbing and grabbing crotch: Mmm, come here baby, I washed it for ya.
Random guy: No, I don't want any of that.
–Penn Station
Drunk woman: Want to share an ooey-gooey dessert?
Drunk man: If an ooey-gooey dessert is a hand job…
–Brasserie Jacques Restaurant
SUV driver to pedicab trying to make its way through the snow: Hey, buddy! I got a reindeer, ya wanna buy it?
–8th Ave & 48th St
Loud 13-year-old: Shut the fuck up, it's almost Christmas.
–B Train
Overheard by: Taylor
Middle-aged guy on cell: You'll never guess what I'm doing for Christmas. You'll never guess in a million years. (pause) Uhm, yeah, that's pretty close.
–8th Ave
Guy dressed in Santa costume on cell: Stop being such a weenie!
–Midtown
Angry little girl to older brother: If you don't let Santa out of our closet I will!
–Prospect Park
Overheard by: Taylor
Customer: Um, can I get a discount on this coat?
Cashier: Is there anything wrong with it?
Customer: No, I just don't have a lot of money right now.
–Urban Outfitters, NoHo
Social studies teacher: Sometimes this class just makes me want a cigarette and a stiff drink. To bad I don't smoke anymore. Well, cigarettes, at least.
–Hunter College High School
Girl to friend: What I really want right now is a whippit and two cigarettes.
–NYU Dorm
Subway girl: You know, he smokes a lot for being crippled.
–N Train
High school boy: You know Danny? He's been smoking since he was in second grade.
–Cold Stone Creamery
Overheard by: Kristina
Old lady to store owner: I just got out of the hospital. Can I have a lighter? A BIC one.
–Amsterdam & 88th St
Overheard by: Beez and Newb
Comedy club guy: Are you ready to be dazzled by comedy?
Cute girl: Do I look like a fucking tourist to you?
Comedy club guy: Well, are you ready for a boyfriend then?
Cute girl: Maybe if you looked better.
–42nd St & Broadway
Daughter: Daddy, I want a cookie!
Father: I'll say yes if you ask for an apple instead. (pause) Or a Brussels sprout.
Daughter: Ahhhhh!
–115th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Special K
Hobo #1: I offered that squirrel five cents for sex.
Hobo #2: What's a squirrel going to do with a nickel?
–Central Park
Overheard by: Fogel
