FAQsday One-Liners

NYU girl: It's a box, though… Can you FedEx a box?

–Starbucks

Overheard by: Elena

Tourist: So… Are we like, underground now?

–NRW Train

Overheard by: Stacey

Mom in toy store: Do you guys have any organic play-doh?

–7th Ave & Garfield, Park Slope

Overheard by: persiangroove

Teen tourist bimbo, looking at Rockefeller Center Christmas tree Swarovski tree topper: So, can we buy it?

–Rockefeller Center

Overheard by: Kaitlen

20-something girl: Wait, so what's a blog?

–55th & 6th

Thug on bus on cell: Yeah, I just got on the bus. How will I know when it's the third stop?
(goes on to get off on the second stop)

–Roosevelt Island

Posted on April 21, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bimbettes, Bus, Clerks, Customers, Directions, For Sale, Girls, Internet, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Money & Class, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Bus, One-liners, Park Slope, Public Transportation, Questions, Rockefeller Center, Shopping, Sorority Girls, Starbucks, Street, Stupidity, Teens, Thugs, Tourism, Tourists, Trains Not Subway, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners

Wow, Your Eyes Are Bigger Than Your Stomach

Trendy female college student: I feel dizzy.
Twinkie male friend: Did you eat anything today?
Trendy female college student: No… but I looked at a picture of an English muffin yesterday and I'm still full.
Twinkie male friend: Hmmm. You're sure you're not hungry?
Trendy female college student: Eh… Can you get me a bagel? Not like a real bagel, but a picture of one?

–V Train

Overheard by: eating disorders arent funny

Posted on April 16, 2010
Anorexic, Food, Friends, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Pictures, Psychology, Students

See, You Should've Opened With That

Hobo: Hey, do you ladies have a smoke?
Ladies: No. (they keep walking)
Hobo: Do you ladies want to come back and sit with me awhile?

–3rd & Sullivan

Overheard by: Currer Bell

Posted on April 6, 2010
Hobos, Offers and requests, Smoking, The Village, Women

Wednesday Loves the Smell Of One-Liners' Hair

20-something suit on phone: Yeah, man. Just come over. We can spoon and talk about chicks and shit.

–Wall & Pearl

Overheard by: traceface

Thug to another: Those bitches be cuddlin' your wounds!

–42nd St

Hispanic woman on phone: Yeah, it's crazy snowin' outside. (pause) Uh-huh, yeah, you wanna cuddle. (pause) Hahaha, uh-oh! (pause) Uh-oh, spaghetti-o! (pause) Haha, no, you've already done that. (pause) Hahaha… You've done that already. I have to spin the other way now.. (pause) He he he, you're crazy. Hee heee. (pause) Well, you have a lovely day inside a warm place!

–Q Train

Overheard by: Em Allears

Crazy lady to herself: Does anyone wanna snuggle me for the hell of it? (five minutes later) Why are all these people here? Is it a workday? Cuz if it is, I'm going to get fired. I need a beer!

–G Train

Overheard by: LaughedOutLoud

Guy at cafe: I have pillows just for spooning.

–6th St & 2nd Ave

Posted on March 24, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Crazies, Drinking & Drunk People, Food, Gays and Lesbians, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Home, Sweet Home, Jobs & Careers, Latinos, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Nicknames & name calling, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Relationships, Restaurants & Cafes, Sexuality, Street, Suits, Thugs, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weather, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

New York Has a Lot Of Nice People (Don't Tell Anybody)

Large black bus driver: Ladies and gentlemen, I see a lot of black people on here and you are going to have to move to the back of the bus, cause we got a bunch of white folk up here that gotta get on! (pause) I'm not kidding. If there were white folk back there I'd tell them to move, but it's all black folk, so you're gonna have to get over it and move to the back of the bus!
Large black woman to small white girl: You can have my seat if you want.
Small white girl: No, thanks… I'm okay.
Large black woman: I'm not gonna go Rosa Parks on you… You have a lot of shit… You can take the seat.

–M60 Bus

Posted on March 23, 2010
Black People, Bus, Bus Drivers, Offers and requests, On the Bus, Public Transportation, Race, White People

…Now Correct Your Posture or I'll Burn You.

Harridan: Put out that cigarette! Put it out! You can't smoke on the subway! Put it out!
Hobo: (puffs)
Bro: Sir, would you please put out the cigarette?
Hobo: Sure.
Bro: Thank you.
Harridan: You wouldn't put it out for me! Why did you put it out for him? Do you hate women? Was it your mother?
Hobo: He said “please” and “thank you.”

–2 Train

Posted on March 19, 2010
Etiquette, Gender issues, Guys, Hobos, Offers and requests, Old People, On the Subway, Parents, Smoking, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Look Good Enough to Eat

Boy: Ew! Honey and ass!?

–48th & 8th

Overheard by: urbanadventurer

Guy to friend: I felt like her eyes were going to eat my face.

–Bleecker & Charles

Overheard by: Jacob

40-something man to 20-something girl: I just wanna nibble your birthmark.

–5th Ave & 9th St

Guy against pillar: I'll suck your ass… If you want it.

–J Train

Posted on March 17, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Body Parts, Boys, Food, Friends, Girls, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Licking, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, On the Subway, One-liners, Physical appearance, Sensory Experiences, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness, West Village, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners' Prints and DNA Are on File

Man dressed in briefs, on Halloween, to policeman: I want you to arrest me! She didn't listen to me! I want you to arrest me right now!

–W 17th St

Overheard by: The Girl in Vintage Formal

Slightly buzzed 40-something man, in very loud hushed tone: I know your son is in jail! Isn't he?

–Mid-Manhattan Library

Man to another: They let him go because my daughter couldn't identify him. But now she got glasses.

–Ave B & 6th St

Overheard by: Miss V

Agitated man, yelling into cell: I don't love you. I hate you. I did ten years and got seven felonies for you.

–Brooklyn

Girl to another: So I wrote "we're being kidnapped' on a piece of paper and pressed it against the window.

–Famous Famiglia, 111th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Lucy

High school girl: That nigga just got *out* of jail. That reminds me, I need to go to Bushwick.

–Grand St & Bushwick Ave

Overheard by: rpk

Posted on March 17, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Cops, Crime and Punishment, Family Ties, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Library, Love, Men, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Prison, Restaurants & Cafes, Street, Students, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Words

I'd Stay Upwind

Man to girl and friend: Excuse me, excuse me, are you New Yorkers?
Jersey girl, annoyed: No, I'm from Jersey, what do you want?
Man: I'm promoting a spa on 5th Avenue where you can get very clean.
Jersey girl, annoyed: No, I like being dirty. Goodbye!
(man looks surprised)
Girl's friend: She wasn't coming on to you. She means actually dirty.

–Penn Station

Posted on March 15, 2010
B & T, Cleanliness, Comebacks, Friends, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Men, Offers and requests, Penn Station, Questions, Words

…So It's Only Candy for You for the Rest Of the Day.

Little boy: Dad can I have ice cream?
Dad: No, you had french fries and cookies for lunch.

–95th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Mike Fazio

Posted on March 15, 2010
Dads, Food, Junk Food & Fast Food, Kids, Offers and requests, Parents, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Offers and requests