Wednesday One-Linering Miss Daisy

Elderly lady to coughing woman sitting across the room: Do you have something in your throat? Cuz I could slap it out for you.

–Doctor's Waiting Room

Old lady to pharmacy tech: Yeah, I always have an ice cream cone when I see the truck. It's such a nice treat. (pauses) Plus, you never know–this could be my last one.

–Jackson Heights

Overheard by: Queens Newsbunny

Very old frail-looking woman leaving crowded train: Goddamned people and their fucking backpacks!

–6 Train

Old man on cell: Hello? (pause) I'm at the crack shack. (pause) Well, you look like a raccoon. (pause) This is the first I've been outside all year!

–Madison Square Park

Old Jewish woman, in Russian: My grandchildren are total fucks.

–Coney Island

Posted on June 2, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Bitch-slap, Body Parts, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clerks, Coney Island, Family Ties, Food, Gripes, Health and Hygiene, Insults, Jews, Offers and requests, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Queens, Questions, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday Mile-Highliners

Pilot: Passengers, please move your seat into the least comfortable position. We are now approaching LaGuardia intergalactic airport. I'm your pilot, T.J. Maxx.

–JetBlue Airplane

Pilot over intercom: We are about to depart, so please turn off your iPhones, Sidekicks, BlackBerrys, Blueberrys, Pinkberrys, Strawberrys and all other mobile devices. Even you, girl in the blue scarf.

–LaGuardia Flight

Flight attendant: In the meantime we ask that passengers please continue to use oxygen at their leisure.

–JFK

Bored-looking flight attendant, explaining how to board the plane in order: The letter on your boarding pass stands for the which group you may board with: a, b, or c. The number underneath stands for the amount of money you could save by switching to GEICO.

–LaGuardia Airport

Overheard by: Frequent Flyer

Posted on June 2, 2010
Airports, All Wednesday One-Liners, At the Airport, Blackberry, Cell Phone, Flight Attendants, JFK Airport, LaGuardia Airport, Leisure, Money & Class, Offers and requests, One-liners, Passengers, Pilots, Public Transportation, Travel, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Meet the Classiest Chicks in Jersey

Drunk girl #1: God, we need to find our way back home to New Jersey…
Drunk girl #2: Oh my god! Yes! I would blow someone to get home now.
Drunk girl #1 to stranger: Hey, are you from New Jersey?

–Port Authority

Posted on May 27, 2010
BJs, Drunks, Home, Sweet Home, Offers and requests, Port Authority, Strangers

Wednesday One-Liners Are “Technical Virgins”

Slutty gay kid: My ass is not a storage shed for your dick.

–6th Ave & W 11th St

Overheard by: Matthew

Man on cell on bench at midnight: It's like this: you either take it in the ass or suck dick.

–Battery Park

Overheard by: DAISYMAE

Guy holding KY lube containers to passer-by: Hey, you want some for your girlfriend? You can put it on her asshole.

–St. Mark's

Overheard by: Kon

Girl on cell: Maybe if you change your relationship status on Facebook to "in a relationship", I'll let you have buttsex with me.

–SoHo

Overheard by: seal

Blond suit screaming into BlackBerry: I said I don't want buttsex for Valentine's Day!

–38th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Kat

Posted on May 26, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Asshole, Backdoor, Battery Park, BJs, Compare/Contrast, Facebook, Girls, Guys, Lube, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Penis, Queer guys, Relationships, Soho, Strangers, Suits, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

If One More Person Says That to Me Today…

Woman to cashier: Do you have a bathroom I could use?
Cashier: No, we don't have public bathrooms here.
Woman: It is harder to pee in New York than to see a gorilla doing the Watusi in Times Square at high noon.

–Times Square

Posted on May 24, 2010
Animals & Nature, Clerks, Compare/Contrast, Offers and requests, Pee, Times Square, Women

… Without Wheels

Little boy to mother: Mom, can I have a motorcycle? I'll take really good care of it!
Mother to son: My son, you will never have a motorcycle. It's dangerous… Mommy will buy you a BMW.

–Brooklyn

Posted on May 18, 2010
Brooklyn, Cars and Driving, Compare/Contrast, Kids, Moms, Offers and requests, Parents

No Gang Colors in Rite Aid, Ma'am

Little girl: Oh! Nail art, can I have it?
Mom: No, I got a problem with you today.
(little girl sulks)
Mom: I don't care if you think it's an accident: when someone hits you, you hit them back and ask questions later! When you learn this then I will buy you those nails!

–Rite Aid, Brooklyn

Overheard by: kay arrgh

Posted on May 13, 2010
Accidents, Advice, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Kids, Moms, Offers and requests, Store, Violence

Smug, Superior Wednesday One-Liners

NYU girl: I love authentic ethnic food, but not authentic ethnic service. Could you please Americanize your demeanor when you hand me a plate? I like service with a smile.

–Washington Square Park

Emo girl to friend, laughing hysterically, with a huge smile on his face: Stop! You've used up two of my three allotted daily smiles.

–R Train

College boy: We should put them on our penises. So it looks like a smiley face every time we pee.

–Williamsburg

Math teacher, seeing smiley face on board: Is that a penis?

–Hunter College High School

Posted on May 12, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ethnic Food, Frat Boys, Friends, Girls, Hunter, Laughter, Offers and requests, On the Subway, One-liners, Pee, Penis, Questions, Sorority Girls, Teachers/Professors, Washington Square Park, Weirdness, Williamsburg

Like “I Got Your Wife Pregnant, Vasectomy Boy!”

Male customer, walking in card store: Do you have any dirty cards? Like really dirty, nasty cards?
Sales lady: What do you mean… Like porno cards? We have…
Male customer: No, I mean something nasty, really nasty. Like really mean cards.

–Upper West Side

Posted on April 26, 2010
Clerks, Customers, Offers and requests, Porn, Shopping, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Don't Give a Cluck

Extremely tall black woman watching video excerpt of porn star Marilyn Chambers "self pleasuring": Huh, looks like she's cleaning out a chicken.

–Museum of Sex, 5th Ave

Very round and fat short woman on cell: Next time ya come down to Astoria bring me some ribs! (girlishly) Bring me some chicken or some ribs. (pause) Wellll, bring some tomorra! (pause) I'll be lickin' my fingas at 4:30 in the mornin'!

–N Train

Overheard by: I want some ribs too

Suit on cell: So, the chicken comes out of its cage, and then it picks your fortune!

–Baxter St & Walker St

Overheard by: Kristin

High school girl: I'm sorry, but I was really high, and the chicken was just sitting there in the fridge. I mean, would you think someone's a bad person who kills someone when they're drunk? (pause) Let's pretend I didn't say that.

–86 St

Lady on cell: They eat the same thing all the time. Every single day it's curried chicken, white rice, curried chicken, white rice. I just want a damn sushi burger!

–Downtown F Train

Gay guy dressed in black with painted red hair: So fuck it. I'm gonna make a fetish costume for a chicken!

–11st St & 3rd Ave

Posted on April 21, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Apologies, Birds, Black People, Body Parts, Cleanliness, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Crime and Punishment, Drinking & Drunk People, Drugs, Ethnic Food, Fat People, Insults, Junk Food & Fast Food, Masturbation, Murder, Museums, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Porn, Queer guys, Street, Students, Suits, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Offers and requests