Man: Who was that chef who said “Butter, butter, bring me more butter.”?
Woman: Umm, I think you just made that up.
Man: No, he said it. And he meant it, and he was right! (butters roll)
–Brazil Grill, 8th Ave & 48th
Man: Who was that chef who said “Butter, butter, bring me more butter.”?
Woman: Umm, I think you just made that up.
Man: No, he said it. And he meant it, and he was right! (butters roll)
–Brazil Grill, 8th Ave & 48th
Construction worker #1: This place is expensive.
Construction worker #2: Ca-ching.
Korean store owner: I'm not fucking Chinese.
Construction worker #2: It's the cash register sound.
Korean store owner: I don't care, I'm not fucking Chinese, get out of my store.
–Canal & West Broadway
Overheard by: also not chinese
Chick on cell: Do you prefer the superhero theme to us in only aprons, holding penis cakes?
–Garden of Eden Supermarket, 107th & Broadway
Overheard by: Ladle
White guy to white girl: Wait, you'd be proud to be supermanned by me?
–D Train
(at the superhero fashion exhibit, in front of Catwoman's display)
Man to little kid: Oh, and look! She has a whip. I wonder what that's for…
–Metropolitan Museum of Art
Overheard by: EK
Black guy on cell: Nigga, you can't be James Bond and Batman, you pick which one you are.
–Smith & 9th St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Ewan Walsh
Girl on cell: Am I gonna need to drug you, put you in a superhero costume, and snap photos?
–Halloween Adventure Store
Overheard by: McF
Batman to four-year-old who jumped out from behind a table: Evan, don't sneak up on me. Superheroes are wound very tight.
–Birthday party, Museum of Natural History
Overheard by: PG
Woman on cell: I may or may not have just accidentally become a sex worker.
–40th & 9th
Overheard by: McFreaky
Attractive gay man to boyfriend: If I had a better body, I would be a prostitute.
–W 4th & 6th Ave
Overheard by: rpk
Girl to friends: Just slap me! Slap me like a Thai hooker, for god's sake.
–115th & Broadway
Overheard by: columbia undergrad
Five-year-old boy: Mom, what's a gigolo?
–6 Train
Overheard by: Justine
Woman yelling into a cell: For the love of god, I'm sleeping with men for crack. Do you really think that would mess with my list of priorities?
–2nd Ave & Houston
Overheard by: Wonders what the suggestion was
20-something woman on cell: Wait–am I in the sex industry?
–NJ Transit
Overheard by: Poogins
Guy on cell: I mean, it was bigger than a horse. But it had four humps.
–14th & 2nd
Overheard by: LIZ
Drunk man: A plastic sheep or a real sheep… When it comes down to it… is there really any difference?
–Biddy Early's Pub
Chick on cell: It's better than riding a golden yak!
–Morningside Heights
Overheard by: Ursula & Winifred
Man to friend: Did I mean "wombats"? Of course I meant fucking wombats!
–3 Train
Blonde: What is a mongoose and where can I get one?
–Times Square
Guy on cell (fumbling with a pack of Marlboros): Well, for one, it’s been ten days since the baby snakes have eaten.
–92nd St & Broadway
Overheard by: The Mad Man
Middle-aged white guy: …so we told the children they couldn't go to the petting zoo, to see how they would react. (pause) It was interesting on a psychological level.
–Outside of Butler Library, Columbia University
Overheard by: Ladle
Tourist #1 (looking at a massive sales bin): Do you want to go? There's nothing good here.
Tourist #2: Yeah, let's go.
Tourist #1: Oh! Wait! Here's Dancing with the Stars!
–Virgin Megastore, Times Square
Meathead #1: Hey, if we went camping and got really drunk, and you woke up with a used condom in your ass, would you tell anyone?
Meathead #2: Ummmm no. I don't think I would.
(five minutes later)
Meathead #1: Wanna go camping?
–C Train
Mom: Give me my phone.
Son: Photo?
Mom: No, you cannot take a picture.
Son (sticking phone in the butt of his pants): Please.
Mom: No, it's too loud. At home…
–NJ Transit
Yelling man: Excuse me, attention please, girls only! Two years ago we were blessed by an earth angel, and that earth angel is me, in this body! If you want to come with me, girls, to heaven, I can give you some pamphlets, information…but there is a catch! Only girls under the age of 29 may come with the earth angel! Girls above the age of 29 are destined to the infernal afterlife!
Queer Latino to lady friend: Guess you're gonna burn.
–4 Train
Overheard by: nooners
(seven-year-old girl gives 10 books and a few DVDs to library clerk)
Girl: Can I please have a bag?
Clerk: Sure, miss.
(clerk hands girl the bag, girl grabs it)
Girl: God! What did you put in here, a hippopotamus?
–Brooklyn Central Library
Overheard by: Jessie
