Office politics

Jamaican lady: You fucker! I sell drugs for the Police. They call them dealers because they make deals. I made a deal. Do you pay me? Am I your employee? Fuck you, brush your teeth!

–F train

Overheard by: z0mb13

Guy on cell: I’m off today. I ran over one of the kids with the bus.

–72nd & 1st

Overheard by: Todd Horan

Trader: I’m almost wishing to come back in my next life as the Jewish wife of a Jewish husband.

–Madison Avenue office

Man on cell: She’s got a summer job editing Harlequin romance novels. Yeah, which goes so well with…you know…her divinity degree.

–118th & Broadway

Security guard: One of my feet has five fingers less than the other one, but I don’t claim disability. I work three jobs: model, actor and security guard, I’m not stopping until I make fifty-two million.

–F train

Overheard by: Nico Westerdale

Store chick: I’m just sampling the food so I can explain to customers why it’s so expensive.

–Whole Foods, Union Square

Overheard by: jexe

Businesswoman: Tex-Mex is not Mexican food. It’s American. That’s why it’s called Tex-Mex.

–Midtown Office

Chick: …and the moral of the story is, don’t take off your pants in a stockroom because you’ll get dumped.

–UWS

Overheard by: e. glass

MTA lady handing out report cards as rats run across the platform: Put that on your report card!

–181st St

Overheard by: Eewww

Guy drinking wine: Coming to work wasted is frowned upon, but also lovingly embraced.

–Tartine, West Village

Fake bag hawker to woman in suit with briefcase: Can I get a job, miss? Are you hiring, miss?

–Canal St

Suit: When I die, don't go to my funeral, just go to work.

–33rd St &3rd Ave

Crazy girl on cell: All I know is that I need a really fucking good job with no fucking drug test.

–Museum of Natural History

Overheard by: Sam Fez

Weird guy to girl: I mean, I come home from work not feeling sexy at all. (subway car screeches) It's not exactly the most testosterone-filled job there is. (car screeches loudly again, then guy starts using hand motions) I have no idea how to get in the mood again!

–6 Train

Overheard by: fresca

Boss to peon: And grab Mary. (pause) Gently.

–Broadway

Girl: She wants me to make a distribution e-mail for four people!
Gay: You better do it.
Girl: Or what? They'll take away my blow-up Statue of Liberty desk statue?

–6 Train

Woman #1: She wastes so much time at work. Did you ever notice she eats lunch, like, every day?
Woman #2: Yeah, and do you really have to take maternity leave?

–55th & 8th

Suit #1: Dude, he’s SO strange. You know I walked passed his desk yesterday and he was researching stuff on his computer about religion. Some multicultural shit or something.
Suit #2: Woah.
Suit #1: Yeah, I know. [Pauses.] You know I bet he’s like one of those guys that dates a girl and calls her all the time and stalks her.
Suit #2: Totally.

–Starbucks, 30th and Park

Overheard by: Faetra

Man in elevator A: Hey, Bob!
Man in elevator B, across the hall: Oh! Hi there! [Doors close.] He should just resign.

–Actors’ Equity building

Overheard by: Cat

Puerto Rican girl to another: I never dated a white guy, ’cause they got bad taste in underwear.

–Subway station, Times Square

Overheard by: Mama

Chick: … So I was dancing in the kitchen in my underwear and I looked out the window and the orthodox Yeshiva student guy that lives across the building from me was just staring open-mouthed. I’m never gonna open the curtains in the kitchen again.

–181st St

Overheard by: LSB

Mother to toddler son: Now, honey, close your eyes. This isn’t for you.

–Frederick’s of Hollywood, King’s Plaza

Queer: I totally go out of my way to wear edible thongs to work.

–Library Bar, Houston & Ave A

Overheard by: Rachel W.

Teen girl quickly descending staircase: I didn’t wear a bra again today. My boobs are bouncing down these stairs!

–Notre Dame Academy, Staten Island

Suit on cell: Well, I mean, I have thongs… But I really don’t consider those underwear…

–W 4th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Laura

Suit #1: You did a helluva job in that meeting.
Suit #2: It gives me a hardon when you say that, John. It gives me a hardon.

–51st & 6th

Overheard by: chite