Old black man: Do you believe in black Jesus or white Jesus?
White girl: White Jesus.
Old black man: I knew there was something wrong with you the minute I saw you.
–2 Train
Old black man: Do you believe in black Jesus or white Jesus?
White girl: White Jesus.
Old black man: I knew there was something wrong with you the minute I saw you.
–2 Train
Older Hispanic gay man to guy in Subway sandwich costume: Uh sandwich, be careful someone doesn't eat you, darling.
Passers-by: (laugh)
Older Hispanic gay man: Whaaat? That's what you do to a saaandwich.
–9th & 2nd
Overheard by: eat me
Guy to friend, about Grindhouse double-feature: That was fucking awesome.
Old guy in front of them: You didn’t actually like that, did you?
Guy: I did! I thought it was hilarious.
Old guy: Yeah, it was as funny as a dead child’s toy.
–83rd & 2nd
Overheard by: don juan
Aged cokehead #1: I know that face from somewhere, you look really familiar…
Aged cokehead #2: Yeah, I think I've seen your face somewhere.
Aged cokehead #1: Maybe from the same circle-jerk?
Aged cokehead #2: No, I don't think I've ever done that before. Here's $20 for the wine.
–Lexington & 28th St
Overheard by: The Wine Girls
Old woman #1: She’s a loony!
Old woman #2: Maybe she’s going through the change…
Old woman #1: No. She’s a loony.
–Park Slope
Overheard by: JC
Older woman #1: This is my shih tzu. I got her when my yorkie died.
Older woman #2: I got my yorkie when my sister died.
Older woman #1: I don't know what I'd do if my shih tzu died.
–Union Square
Girl wearing leggings as pants: I love your watch… does it flip open?
(frail elderly woman looks confused)
Girl: That, your watch.
Frail elderly woman: This is my life alert. If I fall, I can call for help.
Girl: Oh! Uh… well, it goes really well with your outfit.
Frail elderly woman: It doesn't come it any other colors. Just beige.
–Houston & Bowery
Overheard by: misskitty
Old junkie guy #1: …So the bitch is fucking bitching about wearin’ a condom. She won’t let me bust my nut in her ’til I slap one on. So I do! And the bitch gives me crabs!
Old junkie guy #2: What a ho.
–Bx15 bus
Old Jewish lady: How are you today?
Old Jewish man: If I sold ice cream, I’d be great. If I sold ice cream in Central Park, that would be perfect. But me? I sell chickens in Bedford.
–8th St & Bedford Ave
Teen girl, despairingly: If they ever find out a way to bring people back to life, I’m going to kill myself!
–14th St Subway Platform
Overheard by: yoncto
Blonde on cell: Don’t send me stupid things about how you want to stab yourself in the heart. It’s inconsiderate.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Confabulation Nation
Hipster: I’m so stressed out right now; if I was going to NYU, I would’ve jumped out of a building.
–City College
Overheard by: Damn Right!
Guy on cell: You took them with alcohol? [Pause.] Wait, let me get this straight, you took all of them, then you got drunk? Yeah dude, that is just suicide.
–Elevator, Saks Fifth Ave
Old waitress: Were you here the time Jimmy crucified himself?
–Manhattan Restaurant, Greenpoint
Overheard by: chris
Disgruntled Latina to friend: And I told her bitch: "Kill yourself, you don’t even know how to smoke right!"
–4 Train
