I Wanna Dip My Wednesday One-Liners in It!

Dude, walking up to security desk in emergency room: Hi. It feels like my balls are about to fall off.

–St. Lukes Roosevelt Hospital

Overheard by: Kate Melvin

Stoner chick: The girls are all hairy balls, and the photos look like hairy balls, and they wear hairy ball sacks, but Tyra is the biggest hairy ball of them all.

–7 train

Overheard by: bronwyn

Out-of-place guido: I ain’t wearing nothin’ that touches my balls to my asshole!

–8th Ave

Overheard by: finds it comforting

Teenage boy to friends, about a movie: Yooo, it’s like a chick flick with balls!!! You know, like a guy’s chick flick!!!"

–E 85th St & 3rd Ave

Guy: I use Burt’s bees for my balls.

–Broadway & W 4th

Overheard by: Jake R

Guy #1 to guy #2: I really think you’d feel a lot better if you felt my balls.

–6th Ave & Bleecker

Posted on July 4, 2015
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Asshole, Balls, Boys, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Gender issues, Girls, Guidos, Guys, Hair, Health and Hygiene, Hospitals, Insects, On the Subway, Stoners, Street, Teens, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side

From London

Columbia student: And I might get a job at Scotland Yard.
Friend: I don't know what that is. I just moved here a few months ago.

–Uptown 1 Train

Posted on July 3, 2015
Cops, Default, Friends, Jobs & Careers, On the Subway, Students, Stupidity

And, If So, Is It Above or Below It?

Traveler: Does this A train go near 33rd St?
Conductor: Sure. Get off at 34th St.
Traveler: Is that near 33rd St?

–A Train

Posted on July 3, 2015
Conductors, Directions, On the Subway, Passengers, Public Transportation, Questions, Stupidity

One to Grow On: 1 in 5 People Get Busy at Night

Portuguese guy: …so where are you from?
Chinaman: From China. Did you know 1 out of every 5 people is Chinese? The Chinese are very quiet. But we are very busy…especially at night.

–6 train

Overheard by: heyhay

Posted on July 2, 2015
Chinese, Foreigners, On the Subway

What’s That in Straight Guys?

Guy: I’m the only guy here.
Girl #1: But Moses will be here soon. Wait, that won’t change things.
Girl #2: Yeah, he’s more like half a guy.
Guy: Half a gay guy.

–Manhattan bound F train

Overheard by: Julz

Posted on July 2, 2015
Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Gender issues, On the Subway

…My Parents, Teachers, Mailmen, That Guy at the Bodega…

Middle-school boy: Yeah, you’re a pathological liar.
Middle-school girl: What do you mean? When have I lied to you? I never lie. I only lie to my therapist.

–1 train

Overheard by: cate

Posted on July 1, 2015
Boys, Elementary & Middle School, Girls, Kids, Liars, Lies, On the Subway, Psychology, Time, Tweens

The Pornography of Death Is Always Recruiting Performers

Girl #1 (referring to the Bodies exhibit): It just weirds me out -I just think of decomposition.
Girl #2: No, that's the sequel to this.
Girl #1: Bodies 2–The Tourists That Didn't Make It Out.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Foster

Posted on July 1, 2015
Death, Default, Girls, On the Subway, Tourism, Weirdness

Now It’s “Intentional”

Girl: I really enjoy going to movies by myself these days. Most of the guys I date, we don’t have same taste in movies.
Guy: That’s a great idea. Plus, you don’t get some weirdo trying to
“inadvertantly” place your hand on his cock.

–L train

Overheard by: Vivian

Posted on July 1, 2015
Body Parts, Dating, Movie Theaters, Movies, On the Subway, Pop Culture, Relationships, Sex & Relationships, Stupidity

Wednesday One-Liners Sit Shiva

50-something suit: In many ways I enjoyed his funeral reception more than his wedding reception.

–PATH

Overheard by: Joe H.

Girl on cell: He died. They found his body. I don't know, somewhere in the Bronx. He was strangled or some shit. Yeah, he died from it. Oh shit, that's why I forgot to send you the invitation for the whatchacallit, the funeral.

–Rivington & Attorney

Overheard by: I wasn't invited either

Gay guy to friend: So I told John I would go to his funeral just to spit in his face!

–West Bank Cafe

60-something woman to another: So I'm glad I didn't go to his fucking bitch sister's funeral. But now he's mad.

–Central Park

20-something guy on cell: Just 'cause I did meth with his daughter doesn't mean I'm going to go to his funeral!

–7th Ave Subway Entrance

Posted on June 30, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Celebrations/Parties, Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Death, Drugs, Family Ties, Girls, Guys, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, Queer guys, Restaurants & Cafes, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Suits, Violence, Weirdness, Women, Words

On the Subway