Wednesday One-Liners to Go Gaga Over

Teenage boy in suit to others: Apparently I look a lot like Lady Gaga.

–42nd St

Overheard by: model UN delegate

Elderly man to elderly woman: Gaga… What's a gaga? He went to see Lady Gaga! Gaga… Gaga? Gaga? (goes on for some minutes)

–Downtown A Train

Overheard by: Jill

Girl to friends, all singing Lady Gaga: I just want to take her face and put it in my vagina. That's how obsessed I am with Lady Gaga.

–7th St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: Stephanie

Girl: Lady Gaga is not going to sit on your face.

–12th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Cass

Posted on June 9, 2010
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Girls, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Music, Names, Old People, On the Subway, One-liners, Physical appearance, Questions, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners

It's Gonna Be Another Long Season

Co-ed: Excuse me, would you mind moving over so my friend and I can sit together?
Guy in Yankees cap: I ain't moving. You can find somewhere else to sit.
Bystander: Whoa, dude, the girl just wants to sit with her friend. Why are you being rude to her?
Guy in Yankees cap: It's my seat. I don't want to move. It's my right.
Bystander: I thought you were a Yankees fan.
Guy in Yankees cap: End of discussion.
Bystander: I thought you were a Yankees fan. You're a Yankees fan and you treat ladies like that?
Guy in Yankees cap: I ain't moving. End of discussion.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Posted on June 7, 2010
Assholes, Friends, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Only in New York, Passengers, Public Transportation, Questions, Strangers, Yankees

The Movie Doris Day and Rock Hudson Should Have Made

Woman: What are you listening to? Can you hear me? I'm talking to you.
Guy rocking out to his music: Oh yeah! Soundgarden. So good! Listen. (hands her earphone)
Woman: Oh, I must know some other Soundgarden. (hands back earphone)
Guy, still rocking out: This is the best! It's great to have sex to!
Woman: Ew! I can't believe you just said that. Can you hear me? You can't hear me. Fuck you! Yeah, I said it.
Guy, not hearing her: I love syncopated riffs!

–Downtown 1 Train

Posted on June 7, 2010
Compare/Contrast, Gadgets, Guys, Idiots, Insults, Music, On the Subway, Sex, Women

On the Third Day, It Rises

Born again Christian missionary: Do accept Jesus Christ as your personal savior?
Power-suited woman: Do you accept my clitoris as yours?

–F Train

Overheard by: Formfaktor

Posted on June 5, 2010
Christians, Jesus, On the Subway, Questions, Sex, Strangers, Vagina

You Have to Admire His Consistency

Crazy guy: The Islamic Antichrist is coming! The Islamic Antichrist is coming! (passes sheet to young guy next to him)
Young guy, reviewing it: Jesus, this guy hates everybody!

–4 Train

Overheard by: Jack Ingoldsby

Posted on June 5, 2010
Crazies, Gripes, Islam, Jesus, On the Subway, Strangers, Weirdness

…In the True Spirit Of Easter.

Teen skater #1: Dude, I wanted to chill on Easter but my mom said I had to go to church.
Teen skater #2: You should've said “mom, fuck church!”
Teen skater #1: Dude, if I had said “fuck,” I wouldn't be alive. I would've been under the couch. My mama would've stuffed me in a bag… Put some incense on that shit so it wouldn't smell.

–6 Train

Overheard by: trying not to laugh

Posted on June 4, 2010
Church, Death, Insults, Murder, On the Subway, Parents, Sensory Experiences, Skaters, Teens, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Linering Miss Daisy

Elderly lady to coughing woman sitting across the room: Do you have something in your throat? Cuz I could slap it out for you.

–Doctor's Waiting Room

Old lady to pharmacy tech: Yeah, I always have an ice cream cone when I see the truck. It's such a nice treat. (pauses) Plus, you never know–this could be my last one.

–Jackson Heights

Overheard by: Queens Newsbunny

Very old frail-looking woman leaving crowded train: Goddamned people and their fucking backpacks!

–6 Train

Old man on cell: Hello? (pause) I'm at the crack shack. (pause) Well, you look like a raccoon. (pause) This is the first I've been outside all year!

–Madison Square Park

Old Jewish woman, in Russian: My grandchildren are total fucks.

–Coney Island

Posted on June 2, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Bitch-slap, Body Parts, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clerks, Coney Island, Family Ties, Food, Gripes, Health and Hygiene, Insults, Jews, Offers and requests, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Queens, Questions, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Watch Bruce Jenner's Colonoscopy on YouTube

Funny-looking guy with crazy goatee & glasses to the sales assistant by the table full of butt plugs: I'm friendly with this woman… She likes things in her ass.

–Babeland, Lower East Side

Overheard by: Lara

Girl: It felt so good. He then stuck his finger up my ass. Just as I was about to say "No! No!" I came. Ugh, I swear my life is a joke… A joke!

–Murray St & Greenwich

Overheard by: James

Guy talking way too loudly on cell: Man, I just lay her down and say, "baby, you put yo' tongue in daddy's ass!

–W 3rd & MacDougal

Overheard by: Mathieu

Guy on cell: Cus he'd already been to the emergency room, 'cus he stuck a shampoo bottle up his ass.

–L Train

Thug to girl in catsuit costume walking by: Man, I'd eat yesterday's breakfast out of that ass!

–42nd & 7th

Overheard by: Ed

Posted on June 2, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Asshole, Backdoor, Body Parts, Clerks, Food, Girls, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Kink, Lower East Side, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Orgasm, Pick-up Lines, Store, The Village, Thugs, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Possibly a Fun Electrical Shock or Two

Tourist: Hey, what are you looking for down there?
MTA worker, walking with flashlight on the tracks: Rats!
Tourist: Really?
MTA worker: Nah, just track defects… and gold.

–6 Train

Posted on May 25, 2010
Animals & Nature, Clerks, On the Subway, Questions, Tourists, Weirdness

On the Subway