Wednesday, with Some Scattered One-Liners in the Early Evening

Hobo: Everyone, please believe me, I had nothing, I tell you–nothing, to do with this rain!

–6 Train

Overheard by: thanks for that clearing that up

Black guy sitting on stoop to white guy standing the rain: I can't offer you a warm vagina but I can offer you a dry haven.

–1st Ave & 7th St

Overheard by: D Dot

Hobo to sky, as it begins to rain: You gotta do better than drizzling if you want to flood the Earth! We got murders and rapists down here! There are pedophiles and traffickers and thieves and liars and idolaters! I'm ready: I got the life goggles you sent me! (holds up scuba mask) Thank you for making me in your image, Lord. Amen.

–24th St b/w Broadway & 6th Ave

Overheard by: EmLo

Man, as it begins to rain: Goddamn rain, man! Only in New York!

–Park Place & Broadway

Overheard by: Bo Vanderpants

Woman on cell: Yeah, the weather is beautiful this morning. I'm strolling like a motherfucker.

–Lexington & 90th St

Posted on February 10, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Apologies, Beauty, Black People, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Crime and Punishment, God, Gripes, Guys, Hobos, Insults, Lies, Men, Murder, Music, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Only in New York, Religion, Robbing the Cradle, Strangers, Street, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Vagina, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weather, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, White People, Wishes & desires, Women

That's Mostly European Immigrants, Dude.

Short Indian guy in high voice: No, no, you don't understand! Immigrants do very much for this country!
Tall, fat white guy in heavy Brooklyn accent: Ahhhh, up your ass!

–F Train

Overheard by: donald morgan

Posted on February 9, 2010
Fat People, Foreigners, India Indians, Insults, KKK, On the Subway, Politics, White People

Why Do Billionaires Do Anything?

Vally girl #1: I looove ellen Egenerous, she is soooooo funny.
Vally girl #2: Yeah!
Vally girl #1: I hate Dr Phil, he is soooo mean, but I looooove Opera, I mean love her. Why did she copyright her name? I mean, why?

–A Train

Overheard by: Chris DeLuca

Posted on February 7, 2010
About Celebrities, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Gripes, Names, On the Subway

The Pot Calling the Kettle “Wednesday One-Liner”

Guy blocking overcrowded subway car to elderly woman trying to squeeze by: Hey! You could say "excuse me!"

–Uptown N Train

Woman, eating falafel: I'm trying to stay away from fried foods.

–40th St

Five foot, 250-pound woman to friend: Wow! That girl in front of us is fat!

–42nd & 8th

Man on cell: Maybe you're the one with the fucking anger problem! Dick!

–Outside The Met

Overheard by: Yellow!

Posted on February 3, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Apologies, Diet/Weight, Ethnic Food, Fat People, Food, Guys, Insults, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Physical appearance, Public Transportation, Strangers, Street, Stupidity, The Met, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

George W. Bush: “Is Our Children Wednesday One-Linering?”

Ghetto mother, about daughter: She hard on herself when it comes to her grades. That comes from her father. I told him, "you better stop that, or else you're gonna bust her brain."

–Uptown 2 Train

Overheard by: Raven

Truant girl on cell: I didn't! (pause) No, I didn't! (pause) I didn't skip! (pause) I didn't go! It's not the same thing! (pause) No, it isn't! (pause) I didn't go anyplace! I didn't go to somebody's house or nothing! (pause) It's not the same! I didn't skip! I just didn't go! (pause) No, it's not the same! It is not!

–8th Ave & 50th St

Overheard by: stephie

Proctor, seeing a student come into testing room: Hey, aren't you that kid who was smokin' yesterday? Oh, yeah, that's right, you're the one that flipped me the bird! Now I have yo' name and yo' ID numba, and I can call up yo' parents… Today is just my lucky day!

–Stuyvesant High School

Long Island guy: I can't wait to get back to college. The girls there are so hot. I can't wait to get my DNA on em, know what I'm sayin'?

–LIRR

Indian chick on cell: What's good? I'm not taking Hindi anymore, that's what's good! Hellll fuckin yeahhh! Whoooo!!

–Astor Place

Overheard by: me neither

Posted on February 3, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Black People, Clerks, Compare/Contrast, Education, Family Ties, Girls, Guys, Happiness, Health and Hygiene, India Indians, Insults, Languages, Lies, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Names, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, School and studying, Science, Sex, Smoking, Students, Stupidity, Stuyvesant, The Village, Threats, Trains Not Subway, Wednesday One-Liners

Wednesday One-Liners Are a Bit Fruity

Young barista to another, peeling a banana: You like your women like you like your bananas.

–Bedford Ave

Man outside fry place: They don't sell watermelon here. I read the menu three times, and no watermelon.

–Pomme Frites, 2nd Ave

Dude on cell: Banana. Banana banana banana banana. Banana.

–Flatbush Avenue, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Sarah Booz

30-something suit to another: If I'm hungry I'll eat a banana, but I can't eat more than one. Because bananas, like, annoy me.

–Metro-North Harlem Line

Employee: All natural mango juice, on sale for 66… no, 69 cents off the regular price.
(customer walks away, uninterested) Where do you think you're going?

–Whole Foods

Overheard by: Sac

Posted on February 3, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Baristas, Brooklyn, Clerks, Compare/Contrast, Customers, For Sale, Fruit, Guys, Men, Money & Class, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Street, Stupidity, Suits, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Whole Foods

Wednesday One-Liners Feel Like a Woman or Whatever

Asian girl: A tranny spat and peed on me last night… so I guess I'm okay.

–Screaming MiMi's Boutique

Overheard by: Nancy

Gay guy, after woman bumps into him: Did you just step on my vagina?

–A Train

College boy: So then I woke up and realized I was next to a tranny…

–Manhattan College

"Girl" sitting at the door: My panties are too small to hold my dick in.

–Williamsburg

Catholic school girl, carrying large backpack, to friend: I'm looking forward to leaving this bathroom a guy. A very effeminate guy, but still a guy.

–Bathroom, Barnes & Noble

Overheard by: Innocent Bathroom-goer

Posted on February 3, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Catholics, Clothing, College, Frat Boys, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Gender issues, Girls, Height, On the Subway, One-liners, Pee, Penis, Queer guys, Questions, Sex, Sexuality, Smegma, Store, Students, Trannies, Vagina, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Williamsburg, Wishes & desires

…Like, Why Is It Dressed in a Little Outfit?

Girl #1, giggling while watching pictures on iPhone: Wait, this is a toilet bowl!
Girl #2: Yeah, isn't it cute?
Girl #1: But it's a toilet bowl!
Girl #2: I know that, and I thought it was really cute!
Girl #1: You have issues.

–Uptown 1 Train

Overheard by: Harriet Vane

Posted on January 29, 2010
Beauty, Cell Phone, Girls, On the Subway, Pictures, Psychology

Your Editors Believe We'll Have Another Drink

Conductor #1, singing: I believe I can fly. I believe I can touch the sky.
(train stops and doors don't open)
Conductor #2: Doors! The doors!
(doors open and then don't close)
Conductor #2: Doors!
(doors close and train starts moving)
Conductor #1, singing with backup music: I believe I can fly. I believe I can touch the sky.

–F Train

Posted on January 29, 2010
Conductors, On the Subway, Passengers, Public Transportation, Sensory Experiences, Singing, Weirdness

Tonight's Movie: He's Just Not That Into Hue

Thug #1: Dude, I heard that bitch had a baby by her son, her father, and her grandfather!
Thug #2: Son, I told you not to wear burgundy!
Thug #1: What? What the hell does that have to do with it?
Thug #2: Looking like shit has everything to do with everything.
Thug #1: Well, you're wearing red…
Thug #2: That's totally different, dumbass.

–Downtown 1 Train

Posted on January 29, 2010
Clothing, Colors, Family Ties, Insults, Kids, Nicknames & name calling, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Thugs

On the Subway