Obnoxious Latino #1: Man, that guy was such a faggot! With that mohawk and those gay-ass glasses.
Obnoxious Latino #2: Hey, I’m wearing the same glasses.
[Silence.]
–1 Train
Obnoxious Latino #1: Man, that guy was such a faggot! With that mohawk and those gay-ass glasses.
Obnoxious Latino #2: Hey, I’m wearing the same glasses.
[Silence.]
–1 Train
Conductor: [Steps out of the booth.] People, let me tell you about the day I’ve been having. Hold on. [Makes an announcement and steps back out.] First of all, we get a report that there are two men making love in the last train and have to go in there to break it up. Then we get two homeless women in here with all their bags and this lady all throwing a fit because they smell. The homeless woman says to her: “You better be getting out of my face!” and the yelling lady tries to grab her bags, she pulls out pepper spray and gets her right in the face! Hold on [Jumps back into booth.] and this lady right, she has her arms out in front of her face like this [crosses arms] like she got the power of Christ to protect her. We had the cops waiting at the next station and everything.
–A Train
Schoolboy to girl: You know you like him.
Schoolgirl to boy: No I don’t! He’s disgusting! I wouldn’t let him even touch me or come near me… Well, unless we were dancing.
–6 Train
Overheard by: CSneed
College student to slow-ass friends, during morning rush hour commute: Hurry up! I’m holding open the doors for you!
Conductor: I’m very upset about this.
–6 Train
Overheard by: wb
Young lawyer: My little boy finally made the transition from diapers to "big boy" underwear. On his first day back to pre-school he dropped his trousers and showed the whole class his lightning McQueens.
Young lawyer: … And it created a domino effect of three-year-olds showing their undies.
–6 Train
Overheard by: POLA
Chick on cell: Better underwear than meth!
–Harlem
Overheard by: McFreaky
Boyfriend to girlfriend looking at lingerie in window: It’s kind of cold for that.
–University & 9th
Overheard by: Mary Crippen
Skank: So I’m thinking "Now I’ve got to get rid of those panties!"
–54th & 9th
Overheard by: thats gross
Earnest teen chick, calling to retreating waitress: Do you sell thongs? I’m serious, I really need them!
–Hard Rock Cafe, Times Square
Overheard by: Amanda
Man getting into elevator: … And she was all like "Hi, whatchu doin’?" And I was like "Whaaaat?" I didn’t know what to say, she was all over me, I could see her panties. [Everyone in elevator looks at him and laughs a little.] I mean, come on, we’re all adults in here. What was I supposed to do? Smile? Say "Hi" back?
–Elevator, Empire State Building
Girl #1: What kind of man wears a toe ring?
Girl #2: Umm… he was talking to himself and fumbling with something in his butt.
Girl #1: Yeah, but he had a blackberry.
–A Train
Overheard by: Cynthia
Hobo, jingling change in old paper bag: Damn baby! You are a beautiful girl!
Girl: [Looks away.]Hobo: Will you marry me? I promise you a palace!!
–F Train
Overheard by: Sara
Guy: I hate people honking on their horns in still traffic. It never helps anyone.
Girl: Until I get a bumper sticker that says “Keep honking, it only makes my penis bigger.”
Guy: … And that’s my cue to go.
–1 Train
Man: I noticed you’re reading The Kite Runner. How is it, if you don’t mind my asking?
Woman: Why would I mind if you ask me how the book is? You’re just trying to sound extra polite, and it’s annoying. Are you from the Midwest?
Man: Actually, I’m from Pennsylvania.
Woman: Even worse.
–F Train
Overheard by: nathaneast
Loud lady #1: What you gonna name yo baby when she pop out?
Loud lady #2: Merlot.
Loud lady #1: What?!
Loud lady #2: Merlot.
Loud lady #1: Marlin?
Loud lady #2: Merlot. Its a fine wine, dummy. The reason she be comin’ in to dis world.
–1 Train
Overheard by: TylerDavis
