New Yorkers Are Entertainers First

Kid #1: They be profiling us, though! Did you see the way the cops came directly up to us?
Kid #2: Calm down, peoples is lookin’ at us.
Kid #1: That shit pisses me off though! They think we all just smoke weed and sell drugs!
Kid #2: But that’s all we ever do, smoke week and sell drugs!
[Kids laugh, onlookers try not to].

–1 Train

Overheard by: Fet

Posted on May 3, 2008
Advice, Cops, Crime and Punishment, Default, Drugs, Fears, Friends, Gangstas, Guys, Jobs & Careers, On the Subway, Questions, Weed, Weirdness

Or Some Strategic Bribery

Passenger, to MTA workers: Excuse me, but does this train stop at 33rd street?
MTA worker #1: With a hope and a prayer.
MTA worker #2: Isn’t that right! Hahaha.

–6 Train

Overheard by: honeybudur

Posted on May 2, 2008
Coworkers, Default, Directions, Laughter, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Questions, Religion, Strangers

In Our Experience, It’s the Length of the Fingers in Relation to the Palm.

Party girl #1: My hands have always been the biggest of the group.
Party girl #2: Yea… So?
Party girl #1: If I had a wiener it would be huge.

–2 Train

Overheard by: Rich

Posted on May 1, 2008
Bimbettes, Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Default, Friends, Girls, On the Subway, Penis, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Can’t Carry a Tune in a Bucket

Bum walking dog, singing: Tired of looking for love in all the wrong places, ejaculating on all the wrong faces…

–72nd St & Columbus

Overheard by: Asset

Drugged-up guy singing a song to girls on subway platform, to the tune of "Earth Angel": Earth angel, earth angel, would you be mine? Earth angel, earth angel, would someone loan me money so I can bribe her to take me hoooome…

–Union Square Platform

Overheard by: Thankfully not an earth angel

Cop #1, singing to cop #2: Look at me, I’m Sandra Dee..!

–6th Ave & Waverly

Overheard by: Jatmos

Blind panhandler, singing: Can’t take my eyes off of you…

–R Train

Young hobo, singing: Gimme some money, bitch, I need a fuckin’ pen, so I can write a sign…

–St Mark’s Place

Greyhound bus driver: We’re pulling up to Port Authority now. [Sings] My Greyhound brings all the boys to the yard, and they’re like, it’s better than yours, damn right, it’s better than yours, I can teach you, but I have to charge. La la la la la- New York City! La la la la la -almost there.

–Geyhound, Port Authority

Overheard by: carly, gina, and jenna

Posted on April 30, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Books & Writing, Bus Drivers, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Cops, Coworkers, Cum, Druggies, Gripes, Guys, Handicaps, Hobos, Homeless, Money & Class, Music, Names, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Pick-up Lines, Port Authority, Public Transportation, Retards & Handicaps, Singing, Subway stations, platforms, etc., The Village, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Are in Dire Need of a Glade Plug-In

Drunk, angry Puerto Rican girl to boyfriend: You had to make me smell like fuckin’ Chinese food on new year’s eve!

–Grand St & Graham Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: someone who happily had a different New Year’s date, and wonders whether there is a Designer Imposters version of such a scent.

Disgusted McDonald’s patron: This shit smells worse than a hobo’s taint!

–14 & Broadway

Overheard by: Shemp

Man, entering subway car: Son, it smells like home depot in here.

–4 Train

Drunk sorostitute on cell: It smelled fine. It was just a febreeze gone awry!

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

Queer: I can’t wait to move out of this decrepit office building. A couple of days ago a mouse died in the walls -you remember what that smells like. The guys in the office said: "Maybe it’ll go away after a week," but I told them it’s just going to get worse, so now they want to bring in some awful air freshener thing. Someone is already spraying that stuff in the men’s room, and it’s got a nasty artificial orange scent, so it smells like someone shat on a fruit basket.

–28th & Park

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Girl with a huge ugly weave: I smell fried chicken! [Pauses.] … Oh, it’s prolly me. [Keeps walking.]

–Library, Washington Irving High School

Posted on April 30, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Bimbettes, Brooklyn, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Death, Drunks, Ethnic Food, Fruit, Girls, Gripes, Holidays, Homeless, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Junk Food & Fast Food, Men, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Puerto Ricans, Queer guys, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences, Sorority Girls, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness

And I’ll Get All Nostalgic

Girl #1: What kind of food do you want?
Girl #2: I don’t know, I can do anything so you can pick.
Girl #1: Ohhh… Let’s get Indian! I really want Indian.
Girl #2: Can’t do Indian. It reminds me of anal sex.

–L Train

Overheard by: sneddy krueger

Posted on April 29, 2008
Backdoor, Default, Ethnic Food, Girls, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Questions

Don’t You Make Your Own Lunch?

Guy #1: You’ve been snackin’ recently.
Guy #2: What do you mean?
Guy #1: Spitting in my sandwiches –and I still eat them, but there’s no trust!

–4 Train

Overheard by: Been Jamin’

Posted on April 28, 2008
Default, Excretions, Food, Friends, Friendship, Guys, On the Subway, Questions, Words

Hey Kid, Stop Being Black on the Subway!

Hispanic girl: You’re always showing off!
Black kid: What?
Hispanic girl: Get off me!
Black kid: Stop it!
Hispanic girl: Get off me!
Black passenger guy: Man, why’s it always gotta be our people pulling this shit? You never see white people pulling this shit. You never see Chinese people pulling this shit. Man!

–C Train

Overheard by: Noelle