Little girl: Ew, Daddy, it smells like Jersey over here.
Dad: I know, sweetie.
–30th St
Overheard by: Kate
Little girl: Ew, Daddy, it smells like Jersey over here.
Dad: I know, sweetie.
–30th St
Overheard by: Kate
Girl: Isn’t your dad Swiss?
Guy: No, he’s Swedish.
Girl: Oh, that’s right: people are Swedish, things are Swiss. Well, actually, they’re interchangeable.
–Sprint Store, 8th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Thunder
Thug: …’cause most doctors will tell you, most doctors will actually tell you that a little marijuana is good for the baby.
Pregnant girlfriend: Really?
–14th St
Overheard by: Rationalization Whiplash
Mother, to little girl: Hold on to the pole, honey, but keep your tongue away from it. It’s filthy!
–Downtown 2/3 train
Overheard by: Chad
Father, to five-year-old son: No, Jake, don’t eat the watch…Time flies, but it doesn’t taste good.
–Metro-North train
Overheard by: derkach
Mother, to little girl in line for security X-ray machine: Take your muffin outta the box. If it goes through the machine, it’ll give you radiation.
–LaGuardia Airport
Overheard by: Reluctant Traveler
Father, to crying son: Yeah yeah, life’s a disappointment.
–78th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: someone who agrees
Tourist mom, to kids: Walk or die! Walk or die! Walk or die!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Scott
Old white lady, to little Hispanic girl: You’re always tan…Everyone wants to be tan.
–Queens bound E train
Overheard by: Julz
Little kid: But what if we don’t have enough money?
Mother: And that’s the reason why you need to keep your four-year-old concerns to your damn self.
–Dekalb & South Portland, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Zoe
Chick: Then he peer-pressured me into being morbidly obese!
–1 train
Girl on cell: Nothing’s bigger than Oprah, not even my mother’s ass!
–Ocean Pkwy and Neptune Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Ilysse Weisenfeld
Dude with flyers: New York Sports Club! Only 37 dollars! Get yo’ fat ass to the gym!
–Court & Joralemon, Brooklyn
Overheard by: elwood
Little boy: Mommy, I’m sick of all the fat girls in Coney Island.
–Queens Center Mall
Walking VD: It’s not cheating if she’s fat.
–Outside Jugo Juice, Times Square
Teen girl on cell: Ugh, great. Now she’s just going to make fun of me because I’m short and fat! Oh my God!
–Q46 bus
Overheard by: Melissa
Dad: How old are you?
Teen boy: Thirteen.
Dad: How old are you?
Mom: You know he’s thirteen.
Dad: It says here that if you’re eleven or younger, you get in free… How old are you?
Teen: Oh. Eleven.
–Roxy Deli
Overheard by: Kelsey
Headline by: Tom Dorey
Runners-Up:
· “And Don’t Forget, Your Mom’s Your Grandma And She Got That Black Eye Playing Bingo” – Kate
· “And it’s cheaper than regression therapy” – Kim
· “But He is 19 on Myspace” – DanC
· “Good Answer. Now Give Me $10 For Your Mother And Me.” – Hobo Whisperer
· “Good…now go shave your balls.” – Colin
· “If Your Mom Hadn’t Lied About her Age, You WOuldn’t Be Here Now” – Jason
· “Sorry, Not Applicable to Jews” – djingo
· “Still paying down the debt from Dad’s mid-life crisis” – Allison
· “You Know What I Like Better Than Welfare Checks? Nothing.” – Amos
· “You know I only get paid for sending them pre-teens” – kasey
Little boy, to passerby: That’s why I ejaculated in your mom’s nose!
–Prospect Park, Brooklyn
Chick: See, I don’t like the idea of drinking semen not directly from the cock.
–Harlem
Overheard by: McN
Mother: Kasey! Get away from the street! Those cabs will run right over you!
Kasey: But Dad is almost in the road!
Mother: Do you think I care what your father does??
–48th & 8th
Overheard by: jenn
Guy: That kid just pulled up the mannequin’s skirt and copped a feel!
Kid’s mother pulls down the mannequin’s skirt.
Kid: NOOOOOOO!!
–Shake Shack, Madison Square Park
