That's Our Nation's President, Dad.

Drunk white man, pointing to random black guy: Hey, look: it's Puff Daddy!
Embarrassed daughter: Dad, that is not P. Diddy.
Drunk white man: Hey, Puff! Can I get a record deal? Hook a brother up!

–52nd & 7th

Posted on March 21, 2015
Dads, Drunks, Families, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Music, Offers and requests, Parents, Race, Wiggers

This Cummerbund’s Really Shitty

Guy: Why are you wearing tuxedo pants?
Jon Stewart: I want to raise my baby formally. It’s black tie in the
house.

—Daily Show studios, 51st & 11th

Overheard by: Jess McGins

Posted on March 19, 2015
Celebrities Overheard, Fashion, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Parents

This Book’s Really Shitty

Mom: You couldn’t even wait ’til we got to the bathroom.
Little boy: I told you.
Mom: You know you coulda held it.

–Barnes & Noble, Union Square

Overheard by: Ben Couch

Posted on March 17, 2015
Parents, Poop, Union Square and East Village

Cuba Gooding Jr: “Show Me the Wednesday One-Liner!”

CEO on phone: Fuck you! Just get me the things I need to make money.

–12th & Broadway

Overheard by: Jeremy

Older man wearing yarmulke, screaming into cell: Hi! I think I left a check for $19,000 in the armoire, can you check if its there? (pause) Oh, good! I was so worried! I will deposit it tomorrow! (pause) Yeah! I'm going over the bridge! (pause) Okay? I gotta go! Bye!

–Q Train

Frustrated girl on cell: I've only got a metro card and $20! I can't take the bus!

–85th & Columbus

Overheard by: Jesse D

Female student: My dad didn't pay two $200,000 for me to be a bartender.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Greg

Singing hobo: I work hard for the money, I work hard for the money, so you better work hard for me!

–W 4th St

Overheard by: DRC

Bursar office attendant: All we do is take yo money.

–Pratt Institute

Posted on March 17, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bosses, Central Park, Clerks, College, Girls, Hobos, Homeless, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Money & Class, Offers and requests, Office politics, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Public Transportation, Singing, Street, Students, Stupidity, The Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners

The Same Mistake Lizzie Borden's Parents Made

Father: Do you want a hatchet?
Four-year-old son: I need an axe!
Father: You sure?
Four-year-old son: Yeah!
Father: Okay!

–Lafayette & Vanderbilt, Brooklyn

Overheard by: off white

Posted on March 16, 2015
Brooklyn, Dads, Kids, Parents, Questions, Weapons, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Or His Brides, At Least

Mom: Baby, now if you don’t put your coat on, I’m gonna spank you.
Little girl: No! I will tell Daddy and he will spank you.
Mom: No, baby, he will not. Nobody spanks me but Jesus.

–M101 bus

Overheard by: Lucy Sorensen

Posted on March 14, 2015
On the Bus, Parents, Religion, Should've Used a Condom

There’s Plenty of Amateur Farmers Around to Help

Girl #1: Oh my God, look at that lady.
Girl #2: What?
Girl #1: Titty drip!
Girl #2: Oh my God. Go home and milk yourself.

–19th & 5th

Posted on March 12, 2015
Girls, Manhattan, Moms, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Nipples, Parents, People, Places, Private Parts, Rack, Topics

If It Weren't for Them, the Rest Of Us Could Walk Around Naked

Teenage daughter to mother, in front of Ashley Stewart: How about there? I'm sure they have some cute dresses.
Mother: Ashley Stewart is for fat people, honey. (points to three plus-size women entering store)

–Kings Plaza

Posted on March 10, 2015
Brooklyn, Clothing, Diet/Weight, Families, Malls, Moms, Parents, Physical appearance, Questions, Shopping, Teens

Why Do I Have Custody of You Again?

Father: How was school today?
Little girl: Didn’t have school today, it was Saturday.
Father: Oh. What about tomorrow?
Little girl: No, that’s Sunday.
Father: Oh.
Little girl: Are we taking a taxi?
Father: No.
Little girl: Good.

–Queens bound F train

Overheard by: djingo

Posted on March 9, 2015
Dads, Family Ties, Glad the Condom Broke, Kids, On the Subway, Parents