Guy: I'll give you what I normally give you.
Girl #1: A toothbrush?
Girl #2: A penis in your face.
–113th & Amsterdam
Guy: I'll give you what I normally give you.
Girl #1: A toothbrush?
Girl #2: A penis in your face.
–113th & Amsterdam
Middle aged woman #1: Did you know turtles only use their penises for mating, not peeing?
Middle aged woman #2: Oh, really? Cool!
–Lexington Ave
Young son: Your penis is bigger than my penis.
Father: I should hope so. [Several seconds later] Don’t touch it!
–Big Apple Circus, men’s room
Overheard by: Julian
Girl on bike: I want a penis. Can I have a penis?
Guy on bike: Maybe later.
Girl on bike: Cause this way we don’t have to worry about babies.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Steve E
Twitchy dude to no one in particular: What? You selling something? What you selling? You all are devils! Devil worshipers! Bunch of devil worshipers! Devils, devils, devils! See you in hell! Oh…I won't be there, though.
–C Train
Hipster girl on cell: No, the black marks are from me cheating on you with Satan. (pause) Yeah, now I'm pregnant and he won't marry me.
–23rd & 5th
Overheard by: Louisa
Young guy on cell, about video game: I gave them my soul. I gave them my soul! See, my soul legally belongs to you, so you tricked them. (pause) Give him his soul! Give him his soul! What? What? Too late!
–93rd St, Bay Ridge
Screaming man with ashes on forehead to man walking past on Ash Wednesday: You're going to hell you motherfucker!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: BK
Woman on cell: Satan don't wear no panties, negro. That shit flies free.
–Astoria, Queens
Overheard by: Celia
Hipster girl #1: I don't know why you keep talking to him.
Hipster girl #2: Imagine a virtual plus sign over his crotch.
–1st Ave, East Village
Queer: … And he had a huge dick.
Mortified fag hag covering her face: You can’t say that in public! People can hear you!
Queer: Yeah, we didn’t actually hook up. I just wanted to embarrass you.
–Upper West Side
Overheard by: someone at the next table
Five-year-old boy to mother: It smells like penis in here!
Embarrassed mother: “Peanuts”. Honey, you mean “peanuts”.
Five-year-old boy: No. Penis! (points to his crotch)
–Duane Reade in Penn Station
Overheard by: Dawn D.
20-something girl #1: I need to go on a diet.
20-something girl #2: Why? You look fine.
20-something girl #1: Because that tranny over there has a dick and looks better in a dress than I do.
–Manhattan Ave & 110th St
Buff guy #1: So she was like “I wanna suck you.”
Buff guy #2: Wait…like your dick, suck you, or something else?
–F Train
