Queens

Blonde: You know what I just learned? G-E-O-R-G isn’t pronounced ‘George’ — it’s pronounced ‘gay-something.’

–49th & Broadway

Overheard by: It’s too cold for stupidity

Fag hag to queer pal: It’s like, we’re like… cotillion-izing!

–Columbia University

Overheard by: jaded library dweller

Ghetto chick: Yo, he is datin’ Sheryl now. I told him, ‘Tell me when you kiss her.’ He was all, ‘Why?’ so I said, ‘So I know not to kiss her!’ I’m bilingual, yo.

–L train, 3rd Ave stop

Overheard by: katiebeans

Loud woman: That is ‘conniving’ with a capital ‘K’!

–St. Mark’s & 2nd Ave

Angry wife to husband: You are so patronistic. I seriously can’t stand how fucking patronistic you are.

–56th & 5th

15-year-old girl to group of friends: I be takin’ AP English this year, yo. I the only one in that motherfucker that don’t be lookin’ like they be deliverin’ yo’ egg rolls when they ain’ts in school an’ shit.

–210th St & Bainbridge Ave

Overheard by: gutterlush

Angry woman to friend: I have a contention with the way people pronounce my daughter’s name. I did not name my daughter ‘Lady Nasty’! I named my baby girl ‘La Dynasty.’

–JFK

Overheard by: The REAL Lady Nasty

Female attorney: Bush said that America will rebuild Lennon. Why should we? We didn’t bomb them. We have enough problems of our own to worry about. Bush is nuts!
Male attorney: Lennon’s been dead for over 25 years.

–Outside Civil Court, Queens

Overheard by: Big Larry

Customer: Oh, you go to my school. So, what’s your name?
Employee: Eric* Dominguez…
Customer: Oooh! So, like, you’re Spanish?
Employee: Yeah.
Customer: Oh, that’s cool. So, like, what kind of Spanish person are you?

–Subway restaurant, Queens

Loud girl #1: I lost my sandals at the beach!
Loud girl #2: Oh my God, now it’s probably floating somewhere in the Pacific Ocean!

–Bay Terrace Shopping Center, Queens

Overheard by: doesn’t anybody pay attention in global anymo

Father to son: You see, women do the shopping, so you gotta go to a good store to find a good woman.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Trainspotter

Young boy to guy accompanying him: There are things that Americans can do better. We can burp a lot louder than Chileans. And we can spend a lot more money while shopping.

Tom Crean: Antarctic Explorer performance, Irish Repertory Theatre

Overheard by: Michael Baker

Dude to friend: … So every time he signs for a purchase on a credit card, he signs it ‘Not valid’ and Best Buy was the only store that ever caught it!

–Burns St, Forest Hills

Woman seeing old friend, and pointing to man beside her: Yeah, this is my new husband. He buys me Neiman Marcus. My old husband bought me Stein Mart.

–C train

Overheard by: Sarah F.

Valley girl tourist to street sweeper: Excuse me, where’s the mall?

–34th & 7th

Overheard by: Really!

Chick: I would like to become a boy for a day just so I can pee standing up.
Guy: I am not going to lie to you, it’s awesome!

–Georgia Diner, Queens

Crazy lady to cashier: Hi, how’s it going?! How are you, officer? [Extends hand] I’m Officer Anderson, from the 103rd [turns and walks out].
Cashier: I hate her…

–Miraaj Cafe, Flushing

Overheard by: just wants a gyro

Upset girlfriend, hitting boyfriend: Look at you! There you go again!
Boyfriend, caught looking: What?! She was looking at me.
Girlfriend: How you know? How you know?!

–Court Square

Overheard by: Running Late

Lady: Why are you wearing a St. John’s shirt? Do you go there?
13-year-old girl: It’s a college, Agnes.
Lady: Do you go there?
13-year-old girl: No, my sister does.
Lady: Then why isn’t she wearing it?

–McDonald’s, Francis Lewis Blvd & Willets Pt, Queens

Thug #1, with meowing kitten in backpack: Yo, if you don’t shut the fuck up, I’m gonna snap ya neck. You about to get clapped by ya master.
Thug #2, with litter box: Yeah, son — about to get clapped.

–Broadway Junction