Every Little Wednesday One-Liner Helps

Professor: Gods, these students. It’s like they just don’t get it, you tell them things and two minutes later they ask you the same thing. How did they get here? What are they going to major in? In "homelessness"?

–English Department, Hostos Community College

Well-dressed 20-something girl: Homeless people tell me to cheer up all the time!

–1 train

Rich woman #1, fixing rich woman #2’s scarf: [laughs] Oh my god, you look homeless!

–1 Train

Overheard by: sagehen

Well-dressed woman on cell: It’s just another Wednesday and I’m a bag lady.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

Mother to her flock of children entering the train and then getting off: Run guys run, theres a homeless guy on that train! Run!

–F Train

Overheard by: yana

Posted on February 25, 2015
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Clothing, College, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Education, Girls, Gripes, Homeless, Jobs & Careers, Moms, On Cell, On the Subway, Panhandling, Physical appearance, Questions, Rich people, School and studying, Teachers/Professors, The Bronx, Threats, Women

I’ll Complete This Hit Any Way I Can

WASP man on curb: You almost ran my wife over!
Imitation mobster jumping out of Mercedes: Yeah, you wanna get shot, asshole?!

–W 4th & Perry St

Overheard by: neko

Posted on January 29, 2015
Cars and Driving, Rich people, Threats, Thugs, West Village, White People

Because You Made a Deposit and Lost Interest?

Hipster teen: Are you pissing on that building?
Rich teen with faux fur coat: Welcome to the recession, buddy!

–42nd St

Overheard by: I want a m6

Posted on January 23, 2015
Hipsters, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Pee, Questions, Rich people, Teens, Weirdness

My School Has an Appellate Division

Eight-year-old boy, carrying real but child-size golf clubs: I have two lawyers, don’t I daddy?
Father: Yes.
Eight-year-old friend: I have three.

–18th & Broadway

Posted on January 23, 2015
Always Bringing it Back to You!, Boys, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Dads, Default, Friends, Kids, Questions, Rich people

Wednesday Om-Liners

Earth chick on cell: I had meditation and yoga class today. So, if you're coming over tonight we have to have spiritual sex.

–Barnes & Noble

Guy on cell: You're never going to believe this, but I need to tell you anyways. I just did some witchcraft.

–9th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Smoking Student

Yoga teacher: Not being able to do something can teach you a lot about yourself. Like how you're a fucking loser.

–Midtown

Rich white girl with dog in purse: Yeah, so when I went to go buy a dog, I picked Pookie out because he's a Pisces and I'm a Virgo, and that way our personalities will match.

–C Train

Overheard by: evan

White dude to another: I'd like to see what his chi looks like.

–Chinatown

Overheard by: Aileen

Posted on January 21, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Chinatown, Girls, Guys, Insults, Magic, Man's Best Friend, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Psychology, Rich people, School and studying, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Shopping, Store, Street, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, White People, Wishes & desires, Yoga

The RNC Changed NYC Forever

Man in fur: You know, we should get rid of the subways.
Woman in fur: Why? People ride them to get to work.
Man in fur: Exactly. The subway is the weapon of the masses.

–82nd St. and 3rd Ave.

Overheard by: Kramer

Posted on January 19, 2015
Money & Class, Public Transportation, Rich people, Upper East Side

I’d Be Home Recuperating Right Now If It Weren’t Vitally Important That I Shop

Wannabe socialite #1: God, I hate everyone in this part of town.
Wannabe socialite #2: I know, right? I mean… they walk so slowly, and talk so much nonsense.
(pause)
Wannabe socialite #1: The coke hangover can’t help though, can it?
Wanna be socialite #2: Definitely not.

–Broadway & Spring

Posted on January 17, 2015
Cocaine, Default, Gripes, NYC Geography, Rich people, Soho

Every Episode Of The Simple Life, in a Nutshell

Rich high-school girl #1: We should totally do this more often, like go to Philadelphia for the day.
Rich high-school girl #2: Totally! Where is Philadelphia, anyway? Is it next to Pennsylvania?
Rich high-school girl #1: Yeah, I think so…
Rich high-school girl #2: So then, where's Alabama?

–Megabus

Overheard by: appalled

Posted on November 19, 2014
Bus, On the Bus, Questions, Rich people, Students, Stupidity, Travel, U.S. Geography

Scrooge McDuck’s Wednesday One-Liners

Fashionista to another: It didn’t taste that good, but I really needed the money.

–Madison Ave

Overheard by: John Galt Jr.

Fashion student: The thing I can’t stand about fine arts is how obsessed with money it’s become… Yeah, so I’m leaving the program to study advertising.

–Whole Foods, Union Square

Overheard by: nova scotia

Security guard to another: I ain’t here for the money. I’m here for the fuckin’ prestige.

–Westminster Dog Show, Madison Square Garden

Overheard by: Amber Star

White chick on cell: Hi, honey! How are you? Are you being tickled by coins? Are you being tickled by coins?!

–LaGuardia Airport

Overheard by: mela

Guy on corner: Can you spare any change or frequent flyer miles?

–14th & 6th

Overheard by: Scientific

Frumpy lady to Joey Ramone lookalike: I’m feeling awfully constipated, baby! Constipated with money is the way I like to be!

–3rd Ave, Bay Ridge

Posted on October 31, 2014
Airports, All Wednesday One-Liners, Arts & Letters, At the Airport, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Default, Fashionistas, Girls, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Jobs & Careers, Madison Square Garden, Money & Class, Offers and requests, On Cell, Panhandling, Penn Station, Questions, Rich people, Security Guards, Store, Street, Students, Travel, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Weirdness, White People, Women

God’s a Little Harder to See, but I’d Try

UES mom #1: We’re going to Italy in August. You’ve taken your kids there, haven’t you? What are some things the kids would like?
UES mom #2: Well, there’s a lot to do in Rome, but one thing — it’s expensive, but worth it — you should go meet the pope.

–92nd & Madison

Posted on October 24, 2014
Advice, Kids, Moms, Pope, Rich people, Travel, Upper East Side

Rich people