Wednesday One-Liners Use “Summer” As a Verb

Older woman to friend: Down there where the servants are, you know, where the gardening people and the kitchen is, I don't go there. I just don't go there.

–38th & 5th

Overheard by: garden in manhattan?

Greek Princess shopping for wedding rings: This isn't the more expensive ring I wanted but we just bought an apartment in the 70s.

–Tiffany's Second Floor

Overprivileged teenage girl on cell: The bourgeoisie… The bourgeoisie are like, the common people.

–Union Square

College girl: No, I mean seriously: who, by the age of 25, has not been to Rome or Florence?

–Fordham University, Lincoln Center

Overheard by: Dan

Six-year-old: Mommy, how do you spell "Forbes"?

–Restaurant, Upper East Side

Overheard by: jess

Posted on August 10, 2014
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Fordham, Friends, Girls, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Old People, On Cell, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Rich people, Sorority Girls, Store, Stupidity, Teens, Travel, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wishes & desires, Women, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Are History, Dude

Guy holding baby: I’ve decided I’m going to write a pop-up history of the ancient world, based on Herodotus. Should be great for babies.

–Strand Bookstore

American history tutor: The only dictator I know of is Hugo Chavez, and that’s because I met him.

–Jake’s Saloon, 57th & 10th

Overheard by: poor kid’s gonna fail that test

Rich mom with two kids: … And it was named after our country’s first president, Christopher Columbus.

–117th & Broadway

Overheard by: doesn’t get columbus day off

Guy to friend: If I can make it through the ’80s, I can make it through anything.

–Astor Pl

Overheard by: squishduck

Professor: Sigismondo Malatesta was the only person in history to ever be publicly consigned to Hell by the pope. Now, that’s when a pope was a pope. I wish the pope would just get on TV and say, ‘You’re going to Hell!’

–Fordham University – Rose Hill

Overheard by: Christina

Guy: Wait, have I ever told you guys about my irrational fear of the late 1800s?

–NYU dorm

Overheard by: Danimal

Posted on August 9, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Babies, Books & Writing, Christianity, Church, Dads, Default, Education, Fears, Fordham, Friends, God Squad, Guys, History & Geography, Idiots, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, NYU, Rich people, Stupidity, Sweat, Teachers/Professors, The Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Dear Norwegia, We're Sorry. Love, Americia

Guy in limo: I love your city!
Guy on street: I love your city!
Guy in limo: I love your city!
Guy on street: I love your city, where you from?
Guy in limo: I'm Norwegian.
Guy on street: Norwegia!

–Bleecker & LaGuardia

Overheard by: Josh

Posted on December 19, 2010
Global Geography, Guys, Questions, Rich people, Soho, Stupidity

Um, Hello, I Tan Regularly!

Rich girl: So yeah, we just got back from the club.
Black guy: Oh, yeah?
Rich girl's friend: Um, excuse me…
Black guy: Excuse me! I'm talking to her, not you. You're the ugly one, remember?
(phone rings) Yo. Hey, man. Oh, nothin'. Just talking to a couple white hos.
Rich girl's friend: What?
Rich girl: Stop bein' such an ugly white ho, Danielle.

–LIRR

Overheard by: Just another white ho.

Posted on February 13, 2010
Beauty, Black People, Comebacks, Friends, Nicknames & name calling, Race, Rich people, Trains Not Subway

It's Like He Thinks We Don't Need Silk Garbage Bags

Upper West Side wife #1: He thinks I can operate this household on $25,000 a month–that bastard better get a better job.
Upper West Side wife #2: Yeah, really, he needs to get his shit together.

–83rd & Broadway

Overheard by: Mike

Posted on November 6, 2009
Home, Sweet Home, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Ladies Who Lunch, Money & Class, Rich people, Stupidity, The Village

Best Place to Go for Aligator Pumps

Preppy rich girl #1: So, my dad just got back from Florida yesterday.
Preppy rich girl #2: Oh, really? Did he have fun?
Preppy rich girl #1: I guess. He was mad at me for some reason, so he didn't really tell me much. He said he really liked the Everglades, though.
Preppy rich girl #2: The Everglades? I have always wanted to go to that mall!

–Marc Jacobs Store

Overheard by: Alexa

Posted on September 12, 2009
Parents, Preppies, Questions, Rich people, Store, Stupidity, Tourism, Travel, Wishes & desires

One Pill Makes You Wednesday and One Pill Makes You One-Liners

Young hipster to friend: Remember when we sat there, I was high on Vicodin and we saw that guy take a shit in the fountain?

–Union Square Greenmarket

Rich woman yelling on phone: I don't care about your stupid laws or ethics or whatever. (pause) No, I pay you too much money not to get the goddamn drugs I want. (pause) Just write the fucking prescriptions and send them! What the fuck kind of drug dealing doctor are you?

–Metro North Train

Loud lady on cell on escalator: I'm on all these medications you're not supposed to be on when you're pregnant!

–Barnes & Noble

Overheard by: Visiting Kiran

Jock: Nothing's as bad as being allergic to Viagra, man!

–NYU Bus

Lady of indeterminate age: A craving is just a thought on steroids.

–26th st & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Lucky Gunther

Obese woman to male friend: I need to get some Viagra from my dad.

–17th St & 8th Ave

Posted on April 1, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Assholes, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Drugs, Fat People, Friends, Health and Hygiene, Hipsters, Insults, Jocks, Medicine, Money & Class, Nostalgia, On Cell, On the Bus, One-liners, Parents, Philosophy, Poop, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Rich people, Store, Street, Trains Not Subway, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Since the French Developed a Taste for Overpriced, Too-Sweet Coffee

Rich brunette: Like, I was just in Europe and it's all the same. Like, Paris and London are exactly the same as New York, there's no difference!
Blonde: But they speak French in Paris, though.
Rich brunette: But they even have Starbucks there too!

–Bryant Park

Posted on January 31, 2009
Bryant Park, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Global Geography, Languages, Rich people, Travel

Nobody Likes Being Left Out

Hobo: What's in the bag, lady?
Rich lady: Oh, nothing. You wouldn't want it.
Hobo: What is it?
Rich lady: It's nothing. Just soap.
Hobo: I want soap!

–University Place

Overheard by: Todd S.

Posted on January 10, 2009
Hobos, Homeless, Questions, Rich people, The Village, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Mr. Yankovic's Wednesday One-Liners

Random white male on cell: People thought I was weird as shit in high school… Cause I hung out with all the black people!

–Washington Square Park

Uptown girl: This place is…this is weird.

–St. Mark's Place & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Emily B.

Girl: She was weird. She had, like, a Midwestern accent or something. I think she was from Maine.

–Brooklyn Tech

Overheard by: Julie

Tattooed 20-something girl: He's such a weirdo; I had to ask six times for his urine.

–J Train

Overheard by: Adam Nathan

Chick on cell: He's had his dick in me, but I worry it would be out of line to Facebook friend him. Modern life is so weird.

–Columbia University

Posted on October 29, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Biotechs, College, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Facebook, Girls, Idiots, Money & Class, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parks, Pee, Penis, Race, Rich people, School and studying, Sex, Street, Union Square and East Village, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, White People

Rich people