Craptacular Wednesday One-Liners

Man on cell: My identity has totally shifted, and so have my bowel movements.

–Prospect Park

Overheard by: Mickey Smith

Girl to another: I took a shit in Starbucks… did you take a shit in Starbucks?

–Outside Starbucks

Woman to friend: There were no feces for (pause) two days.

–Canal and W Broadway

Overheard by: LizzieD

Girl in toilet stall, repeatedly: Someone pooped on the floor! This is so gross! Medieval freaks! And it's shaped like a dragon! Come here and look at it!

–New York Renaissance Fair

British woman to man she's walking with, as they look at a pigeon: Of course he doesn't have to sit down to poo, he's a bird!

–Washington Square South

Enraged crazy old lady feeding pigeons, to punk kid chasing pigeons: Eat the caca! Eat the caca!

–48th & 8th

Overheard by: ShaghouseGirls

Posted on October 7, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Birds, Boys, Brits, Brooklyn, Cleanliness, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Food, Friends, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Medicine, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Parades & Festitivites, Parks, Poop, Punks, Questions, Starbucks, Street, Stupidity, Time, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Lion: Tsk, Kids Today!

Mother to daughter, at lion exhibit: And what sound does a lion make?
Young daughter: Woof?

–The Bronx Zoo

Posted on October 5, 2009
Animals & Nature, Kids, Man's Best Friend, Moms, Parents, Parks, Questions, Stupidity, The Bronx

Bet This Pisses Off Osama More Than You

Lady #1, looking at Time Warner buildings: Oh, look, it's the twin towers!
Lady #2: Well… but like, those aren't the real Twin Towers… cuz, they like… fell.
Lady #1: Well, they're twins too, aren't they?

–Columbus Circle

Headline by: Chuckles

Runners-Up:
· “Oh, Look! The Octo-Towers!” – Octomom
· “Some Porn Movies Shouldn’t Even Try to Have Dialogue” – Twin Peaks
· “They’re Fraternal, Right?” – Chelsie
· “Yeah, the Anorexic Looking One Is the Mary-Kate Tower” – Errrrrn

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on October 5, 2009
Family Ties, Ground Zero, Headline Contest Winners, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Questions, Stupidity, Terrorism, Women

Or a Morgue?

Tourist, pointing across the street: Why is it called The Container Store?
Local: Because they have a lot of containers.
Tourist: Like a Tupperware party?

–6th Ave & 18th St

Overheard by: janine

Posted on October 4, 2009
Celebrations/Parties, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Names, Questions, Strangers, Stupidity, Tourism, Tourists

With a Minor in Asshat Studies

Man on street, arguing: I have a degree!
Man in truck: Yeah, you got a degree. You got a degree in dumbass!

–Amsterdam & 118th

Overheard by: MCLD

Posted on October 4, 2009
Comebacks, Education, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Men, School and studying, Stupidity

I Refer You to the Musical Theater For Further Explanation

Girl #1: But, I like love him so much. I can't not love him, ya know?
Girl #2: You still love him, even though he treats you like crap?
Girl #1: Well, ya know how it is.
Girl #2: Actually, I don't know. Would you care to explain?
Girl #1: I like love him, ya know.

–23rd St & Lexington Ave

Overheard by: A Boyish Girl

Posted on October 3, 2009
Girls, Love, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Questions, Relationships, Stupidity

I'm Very Particular About How It's Pronounced

Woman to customer service rep: Thanks, Linda.
Customer service rep: My name is Linda.

–42nd St & Madison Ave

Posted on October 1, 2009
Clerks, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Names, Stupidity, Women

Was Saving 49 Cents Really Worth All That?

Cashier: Look, it's $1.99, okay? Then, I take $1.49, okay. So it's two for a dollar, okay.
Customer: I don't get it, it said it was two for a dollar and you are charging me $1.49.
Cashier: No, no, no, see, it's $1.99, okay. I take out $1.49 okay. See, watch. I scan it and it says $1.99. Then I take out 1.49, see.
Customer: No, I don't see, I don't get why you are charging me $1.49.
Cashier: Ugh… Mary*, come here. (speaks to Mary* in Spanish)
Mary*: When she scans it you don't see the real amount because she isn't finished the transaction yet.
Customer: Then why wasn't she showing me that?
Mary*: She did show you that.

–Pratt Institute Associated, Myrtle Ave

Overheard by: Is Subtraction Really That Hard?

Posted on October 1, 2009
Brooklyn, Cashiers, Coworkers, Customers, Money & Class, Questions, Shopping, Store, Stupidity

But Isn't It More About the Moon?

Man #1: It's been a special day. You got a raise, and his girlfriend just started the menstrual cycle.
Man #2: What's the menstrual cycle?
Man #3: You don't know? That's when, you know… the earth revolves around the sun.
Man #2: Ohhhh. I knew that.

–Richmond Avenue, Staten Island

Posted on October 1, 2009
Compare/Contrast, Men, Menstruation, Questions, Staten Island, Stupidity

Another Round Of Wednesday One-Liners

Regular guy: You got Old English reeking out your pores… Come outside and air out.

–Frederick Douglas & 126th St

Mother of three: Come with me and I'll buy you a bag of beer! I've never had a bag of beer before and I could really use one!

–34th St & Broadway

20-something girl to another: I gave up Grey Goose for lent.

–Pizza Shop, The Bronx

Overheard by: E.J.

Guy with teardrop tattoo: Dude, moonshine is awesome. It's 99% alcohol and 1% liquor.

–L Train

Overheard by: someone's going to the ER/remedial math class tonight…

Ditzy girl: I was thinking, how come I had a much worse time junior year than I did sophomore year? Then I realized, it's because I didn't drink margaritas.

–Party

Overheard by: The House

Posted on September 30, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Education, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Moms, On the Subway, One-liners, Parades & Festitivites, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, School and studying, Street, Stupidity, The Bronx, Wednesday One-Liners

Stupidity