Suit #1: Gee, I really want a turkey sandwich.
Suit #2: Well, I suppose we could stop at the bread factory.
Hobo: You’re both queer!
Suit #2: How disenchanting.
–55th & 8th
Overheard by: Conrad
Suit #1: Gee, I really want a turkey sandwich.
Suit #2: Well, I suppose we could stop at the bread factory.
Hobo: You’re both queer!
Suit #2: How disenchanting.
–55th & 8th
Overheard by: Conrad
Tourist chick: He’s not gay, he’s just neurotic!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Scott
Girl: He’s not gay, he just has a lot of feelings!
–Grand Central
Hipster on cell: Yo, I want to tell you something. I do not want to go down on everyone… Well, I’m not gay, so that cuts it in half right there.
–17th & 8th
Suit to himself: Thanks, but I’m not gay!
–45th & 6th
Overheard by: Alisa
Little boy sitting with haggard-looking mom singing to the tune of Pinky and the Brain song: My penis, my penis is not gay, gay, gay, gay, gay!
–1 train
Overheard by: wondering what network plays reruns of Pinky and the Brain
Old suit: Why can't we cross?
Police officer: The President's coming through.
Old suit: He's not my President. Where do you think you are?
–50th & 3rd Ave
Girl on phone: You know her, red hair, goes to a lot of shows… Her lip is kind of, y'know, stuck to her nose a bit on the one side.
–Union Square
Promoter to older man passing by: Excuse me, sir, you dropped your clitoris.
–St.Mark's Place
Suit: And his head was askew…
–79th St & Central Park West
Overheard by: Ladle
Suit on cell: The woman's toenails were three inches long.
–The Village
Guy to another: I knew a guy with a tail–an extended tailbone. It was thiiiis (shows) long!
–8th St & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Rick
50-something New Yorker: He was Barbara Streisand's cousin! And he stretched my urethra. It was great! Well, not at the time. But now it's great!
–Broadway & 59th St
Overheard by: Nikki
Suit #1: Man, I hope management doesn't hose up the bonuses with all this AIG shuck-and-jive goin on.
Suit #2: Well, I tell you. The CFO ain't too worried.
Suit #1: And you know this…how?
Suit #2: Well, the CFO was evidently at Tribeca the other night, promising our admin secretary that he'd show her a real stimulus package.
Suit #1: That dude ain't got squat; all the office females who have it goin on know that. They call him “Get Shorty.”
–Pelham
Suit: So, you wanna bring the strippers to paintball?
–45th St & Ave of the Americas
Suit: They are not stupid people, even though they are from the Midwest.
–53rd & Park
Overheard by: MJ
Suit: We’re meeting in conference room G, but there’s still blood in there from the last meeting.
–53rd & Park
Overheard by: Russo
Suit whispering baby talk into another’s ear: Freddie, wash my butthole.
–Brooklyn-bound Q train
Late-50s suit to another: My next-door neighbors, they don’t know how to communicate with their Mexicans.
–N & R platform, 49th St
Overheard by: Wish I could have heard more
Suit to another: I don’t care what they say — once a french maid, always a french maid.
–Rockefeller Center
Suit on cell: If it wasn’t for goat’s milk I don’t know how I would’ve made it through college.
–45th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: y2jon
FDNY lieutenant to EMTs: Hey, get this! Some guy just called 911 because some guy looked scary!
–34th & 10th
Overheard by: guy in back of ambulance
Gay guy to another: I'm terrified of successful women!
–23rd & Park Ave
Overheard by: Moy
(guy with drums finishes a performance in the train)
Guy with drums: Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for listening. Help a brother out and donate some money if you enjoyed this performance. (lady in front of him looks scared)
Please donate and if you don't know what to do or are scared, smile and nod. Everything will be okay.
–E Train
Overheard by: Sleepy
Crazy bag lady to high school boy: I ain't scared of you. I'll beat you with a crowbar. Cuz I gotta crowbar in my pussy and it's way up there!
–B54 Bus
Suit on cell: And I was scared, right? Because her legs were open in the cemetery.
–Gramercy Park
Teenage girl to friend: I'm not even kidding, her asshole was *this* big! (connects her thumbs and pointer fingers making a large circle)
–Central Park Zoo
Overheard by: soccer mom
Female suit to friends: And the old-timers were just such assholes…
–Walker & W Broadway
Overheard by: j
Big squirming Latin kid: God! I got this burnin' in my asshole, man!
–Xavier High School
Overheard by: seriously?
Concerned friend to sobbing girl: All you did wrong was sleep with him before you knew he was an asshole!
–Coffeeshop, Park Slope
Overheard by: TheGreenCat
Two black guys get onto the train with congo drums and play.
Drums guy #1: Yo, thanks y’all for listenin’. We hope you can donate something to our cause to support our music. Let me tell y’all something…I’m gonna teach you something you ain’t gonna get from no college, from no book, from no studyin’, from no professor…you could have all the money and richness in the world, but if you have compassion, then you are the richest person in the world. You gotta have compassion for your fellow human beings–man, everything is relative–and once you realize that, then you understand compassion!…See, this gentleman here, he didn’t like our music and that’s cool. You didn’t like it, did you sir?
Suit: Actually, I did.
Drums guy #1: Aw, man! You shouldn’t have said that! That makes it worse that you don’t wanna help support our music! You don’t understand what it’s like out here.
Suit: Yes, I do. I’m a musician too. We’re all trying to make it.
Drums guy #1: Man! How can you say that? We like brothers, man. We connected. You know…you like my brother and you don’t wanna help a brother out…That’s rude…It’s like if you get a band and you got all your instruments and like, the curtain goes up, and you conducting them and shit, and you tell them to play and then there’s no sound! Man, we connected; don’t you know what that means?
Suit: It means I have a college degree and you don’t.
–1 train
Overheard by: Mikey
Suit, after Yankees game: If Manny Ramirez took fertility drugs, wouldn't he be nanny Ramirez by now?
Female suit: God, you're good.
–Yankee Stadium
