Wednesday One-Liners Only a Mother Could Love

Woman to another: I mean, about the thing… he is ugly but at least he get it up!

–Abingdon Square Park

Man to friend: Ugly people aren't people!

–10th St & 5th Ave

Suit: Yeah, I couldn't deal with the paparazzi. I once saw a picture of Katie Holmes with a pimple, and now I think she's the ugliest person I ever saw.

–Governors Island

Overheard by: Natalie

Girl to guy friend: I cannot believe you volunteered me like that! I'm going to start volunteering you to people… unattractive people. Like Leroy*.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Michael O'Connor

Bus driver on packed bus: Okay, everybody, we need to reorganize the bus. Can all the good-looking people move to the back of the bus, and all the ugly-looking people move to the front? Thank you.

–M86 Bus

Overheard by: Michael

Posted on October 7, 2014
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Bus, Bus Drivers, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Girls, Guys, Hudson River, Men, Offers and requests, On the Bus, One-liners, Passengers, Physical appearance, Pictures, Public Transportation, Street, Stupidity, Suits, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, West Village, Women

“Are you fcuking kidding me?”

Suit #1: So how was working in the Atlanta office? Hook up with any girls there?
Suit #2: Man, every girl in that city who’s over 21 is either married or divorced. Lots of good-looking ones, though. But it’s like you think you’re in Barney’s and it’s really Salvation Army.

–Park & 48th

Posted on October 4, 2014
Age/Aging, Beauty, Compare/Contrast, Jobs & Careers, Marriage, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Questions, Sex & Relationships, Suits, U.S. Geography

Which Speaker You Find More Annoying Says a Lot About You as a Person

Environmentalist with clipboard: Excuse me, do you have a minute to help save the environment?
Woman in suit: I’m sorry, I already saved the children this morning and then told the Democratic Party to go fuck themselves three blocks ago, so no, I don’t have time to save the environment today. Maybe tomorrow, hippie.

–Broadway & Bond

Overheard by: Betty Noir

Posted on October 3, 2014
Activists, Always Bringing it Back to You!, Nicknames & name calling, Offers and requests, Politics, Questions, Suits, Union Square and East Village, Women, Words

He’s Got an Urgent 1 O’Clock to Get To

Hobo: You have a quarter for a cup of coffee?
Suit: Excuse me, can’t you see I’m on the phone?
Hobo: I don’t have time for games!

–42nd & 7th

Posted on October 2, 2014
Anger Management, Hobos, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, On Cell, Suits, Times Square

Even If You Are the Shit

Shabby-looking vegan woman: Vegans have much better sex!
Black man in suit, looking her up and down: I'd rather have a hamburger.

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Can't Beat the Meat

Posted on October 2, 2014
Black People, Comebacks, Compare/Contrast, Junk Food & Fast Food, Sex, Suits, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vegetarian & Vegan, Women

Yes, But Thoughts Are Usually A Penny

Street Vendor: Hey, hey, hey man, jewelry blow out special. Everything a dollar. Buy something nice for your wife for the holidays. One dollar!
Businessman: A dollar? I’m not gonna buy my wife jewelry for a dollar.
Street Vendor: It’s the thought that counts.

–57th and 8th

Overheard by: Josh Caldwell

Posted on October 2, 2014
9 to 5-ers, Advice, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, Shopping, Suits, Talking/Convos, Vendors & Street Performers

Just Making Conversation

Cashier: That’s $1.50.
Drunk: You’re killing me, man! Hey, do you know if the liquor store’s still open?
Suit: You don’t?

–10th St & 4th Ave

Posted on September 29, 2014
Bodegas, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Money & Class, Suits, Talking/Convos, Union Square and East Village, Vendors & Street Performers

Wednesday One-Liners: Great for Bachelor Parties!

16-year-old girl on cell: So like, for Halloween my mom told me about this strip club we could go to…

–110th & Central Park West

Overheard by: sophie Balis-Harris

Drunk stumbling Yankee meathead to fellow meatheads: Yo! Let's get some fucking strippers! I don't give a fuck about my girlfriend! (pauses and looks around) If I drop any more beer on this woman… (spills half his cup on her back) Ah, fuck.

–Yankee Stadium

Overheard by: seat 12 section 23

20-something woman on cell: What, you had sex with that stripper?!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Liz

Drunk suit: Yeah…we did it up fo' my son's 18th birfday. He be graduatin and all this year, so we sprung fo' a stripper.

–Q67 Bus

Overheard by: Kate

Teen screaming into cell: Stripper. (pause) No, stripper!

–Little Italy

Posted on September 26, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Birthdays, Celebrations/Parties, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Family Ties, Friends, Gifts, Girls, Infidelity, Insults, Little Italy, Meatheads, On Cell, On the Bus, One-liners, Questions, School and studying, Sex, Strippers, Suits, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Yankee Stadium

A Partner Would Have Bitch-Slapped Her

Female suit: He’s not even a partner?
Man: Yep.
Female suit: He shushed me and he’s not even a partner!

–Broadway & Wall

Posted on September 25, 2014
Insults, Jobs & Careers, Suits, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

Wednesday One-Liners Are Simply Scrotacular

Tourist mom with mullet, trying to take a picture of cute five-year old boy: Stand by the testicles, honey. Stand by the balls!

–Wall Street Bull

Overheard by: oh tourists

Suit to street vendor: You spend the money and get blue balls…

–Astor Place

Overheard by: Colin

Guy on cell: Fucking shit! What the fuck? This fucking shit is fucking messed up! (pause) Whatever, mommy… just get me a large, it'll give me more room for my balls.

–97th St & Madison Ave

Big guy in chair on sidewalk to friend: So, I ate a pair of balls last night. Lamb balls. Hot and spicy.

–Heath St & 231st St

Overheard by: Km

Ghetto man to Dunkin' Donuts cashier: Yo, how much is da balls?

–W 148th & Broadway

Posted on September 24, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Animals & Nature, Balls, BJs, Black People, Cashiers, Family Ties, Food, Grocery Stores, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Insults, Kids, Moms, Money & Class, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Pictures, Questions, Street, Suits, Tourists, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Vendors & Street Performers, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Suits