Suits

There's a Wednesday One-Liner in My Hair! Get It Out! Get It Out!

Guy: I don't think bees even have vaginas.

–23rd & 3rd

Suit to another: I want him scrutinized. At a gnat's ass level!

–Midtown Office

Middle school thug: I been radioactivatin' spiders in my kitchen.

–C Train

Overheard by: Emily B.

Mother to five-year-old boy: No, you can't buy grandma a plastic spider for Christmas!

–74th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Harriet Vane's Husband

Guy on cell: Hey, did I tell you I got drunk last night and ordered 1,500 ladybugs off the internet?

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: Ashley

The Black Flag is at Half-mast

Guy #1: You do such dumb shit.
Guy #2: I do not.
Guy #1: Well, what about that E-trades tattoo on your leg?
Guy #2: I’m hardcore!

–1 train

Chick: Sell-out by day…
Suit: Shut up, okay? Whatever pays the bills.

–CBGBs, The Bowery

Overheard by: Sarah Royal

Drunk guy on cell: Dude, that’s crap, you gotta live hardcore!

–Williamsburg

Overheard by: Kate Elizabeth

Teen girl: Man this sucks. Where are all the punks?

–8th & Broadway

Overheard by: Mary

Chick: Darryl doesn’t even know what hardcore is, first off. He was all, “What, is that like some kind of porn?”.

–2nd & A

Overheard by: Kira

Punk girl: Fight bureaucracy!
Suit: You’re not the boss of me.

–Leonard between Broadway & Church

Overheard by: Lakini Malich

America, Encapsulated.

Black guy in suit: Gimme a hug!
Black lady: I'll give you a hug once you pay me.

–Lexington Ave & 43rd St

Overheard by: dees

Never Knew Your Side of the Family Could Read

Suit, embarrassed after tapping man on shoulder: … Sorry, I thought I knew you [starts to walk away].
Man he tapped: I’m your cousin!

–New York Public Library

Dude, Where Are My Wednesday One-Liners?

Suit on cell: You know, in the 80s everyone and their brother were making limos in their basement.

–17th & Broadway

Overheard by: Vespa

(obnoxious pimped-out car revs up at stop sign, then tears down the road)
Old guy: That guy's goin' back to the future! 88 miles per hour!

–9th & Stuyvesant

Tough-looking woman to younger one: Let me teach you how to break into a car…

–27th b/w 6th & 5th

Overheard by: Kyle

Russian guy on cell (in Russian): I am not seeing her as a woman, I am seeing her as a potential driver of a vehicle.

–Lower East Side

50-something woman: I haven't seen a good pimpmobile since the seventies. I mean, what happened to all the purple, maroon, and gold? What is all of this crap with yellow hummers and black Escalades these days, it's like all the pimps went to finishing school sometime in 1981.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Graham Davis

I Told Her, ‘Pollock Has Done That to Death. Find Your Own Niche!’

Exec #1: So, uh, she’s a squirter.
Exec #2: What?!
Exec #1: Yeah. I really haven’t had any experience with that before.
Exec #2: Details.
Exec #1: Just…everywhere.

–Bed, Bath & Beyond, 19th & 6th

Overheard by: Mr. Waiting in Line

Wednesday One-Liners Only a Mother Could Love

Woman to another: I mean, about the thing… he is ugly but at least he get it up!

–Abingdon Square Park

Man to friend: Ugly people aren't people!

–10th St & 5th Ave

Suit: Yeah, I couldn't deal with the paparazzi. I once saw a picture of Katie Holmes with a pimple, and now I think she's the ugliest person I ever saw.

–Governors Island

Overheard by: Natalie

Girl to guy friend: I cannot believe you volunteered me like that! I'm going to start volunteering you to people… unattractive people. Like Leroy*.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Michael O'Connor

Bus driver on packed bus: Okay, everybody, we need to reorganize the bus. Can all the good-looking people move to the back of the bus, and all the ugly-looking people move to the front? Thank you.

–M86 Bus

Overheard by: Michael

“Are you fcuking kidding me?”

Suit #1: So how was working in the Atlanta office? Hook up with any girls there?
Suit #2: Man, every girl in that city who’s over 21 is either married or divorced. Lots of good-looking ones, though. But it’s like you think you’re in Barney’s and it’s really Salvation Army.

–Park & 48th

Which Speaker You Find More Annoying Says a Lot About You as a Person

Environmentalist with clipboard: Excuse me, do you have a minute to help save the environment?
Woman in suit: I’m sorry, I already saved the children this morning and then told the Democratic Party to go fuck themselves three blocks ago, so no, I don’t have time to save the environment today. Maybe tomorrow, hippie.

–Broadway & Bond

Overheard by: Betty Noir

He’s Got an Urgent 1 O’Clock to Get To

Hobo: You have a quarter for a cup of coffee?
Suit: Excuse me, can’t you see I’m on the phone?
Hobo: I don’t have time for games!

–42nd & 7th

© 2026 OverheardinNewYork.com
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist