The Village

Guy trying to plug laptop charger into outlet: Mind if I sneak this cord between your legs?
Girl near outlet: Sure! That sounds hot! It's the best offer I've gotten all day!
(guy blushes profusely)

–Think Coffee, Mercer St

Overheard by: Carmi

Way too blonde girl: Do you want to stay at my house tonight?
Dude: Absolutely not.
Way too blonde girl: What if my parents aren't home?

–Restsurant, University Place & 11th St

Overheard by: CourtSnort

Girl #1: I’m sick of college. Too much work.
Girl #2: Let’s just go to Funkytown.

–LaGuardia Airport

Black hobo to rush-hour crowd: So, did ya' hear now Obama's president they gonna tear down the Statue of Liberty? Yeah, they gonna put up a new statue–one o' Aunt Jemima!"

–Shuttle Train GCT

Overheard by: Mrs. Butterworth

Hobo: Hey, kids! I wish I was a kid again. Then I'd have a hundred million dollars!

–Henry St, Brooklyn Heights

Overheard by: Jesse

Hobo to clerk: Don't worry, baby, I'll take care of the Gaza Strip.

–Deli, 45th & 3rd

Overheard by: LP

Hobo to girl with boxing gloves attached to her backpack: Hi, there! Give a little money to help the homeless? (silence) I'll take anything but a punch in the face!

–Astor & Lafayette

Overheard by: Andi C.

Shouting hobo: The family that scratches their butts together has smelly fingers!

–34th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Kramer

Hobo crossing street and pushing shopping cart: Hi ho Silver!

–23rd St & Park Ave

Chick #1: They’re so unpatriotic.
Chick #2: What do you mean?
Chick #1: I, like, went to visit a friend of mine in Canada for the 4th of July weekend and nobody was celebrating the holiday.

–Hudson & Leroy

I had just missed the train and was waiting on the bench at the end of the platform when a ragged looking crazy man starts pacing around in front of me. He says to himself: …and when I don’t take my medication, I get a little crazy, but I don’t like to take it because it makes me feel different…New Yorkers are all rude. In New Jersey they’ll say “Hi” back to you and ask how you are doing. New Yorkers are all rude or scared.

Crazy man sits a seat down from me. I am a typical computer tech: glasses, chunky, and neat. I am looking straight at the tracks, ignoring him.

Crazy man: This city’s full of queers and niggers and geeks, yeah geeks.

He looks at me and says: They’re all rude or scared. Scared that you’ll beat them. Beat on them. You know what I mean?

I don’t answer and am looking away from him.

Crazy man: See! See! Rude…scared.

He opens a NY Post.

Crazy man: Look at all these murders. All these people dying. Ever think they deserved to die, though?

I get up and walk all the way to the other end of the platform. The F train comes and I get on and sit down. I hear a voice next to me: Ever get the feeling you’re being followed?

–Delancey Street station

Overheard by: Matt

Woman: If we don’t get where we are goin’ fast, I am going to goosh in my pants.

–Bleecker & Charles

Overheard by: Michael Kagan

Gay guy on cell: And they had the guy with the biggest butt stand next to the guy with the second-biggest butt! Seriously, what is wrong with them?

–6th Ave & 12th

Woman getting on a crowded train, looking for a seat: See, I told you there would be a lot of behinds on this train!

–N Train

Overheard by: Some behind lucky enough to find a seat.

Thug to another: After I wipe his ass, I'm gonna beat his ass!

–86th & Park Ave

Woman on cell: So, what are you going to tell him? "Sorry, I can't marry you–your ass is broken"?

–1st & 23

Teen to friend: Why didn't he use a tennis racket? It would have left that waffle fry look on your ass.

–Bus to Penn Station

Skipping tween girl to metrosexual father: I've seen your butt, you know!

–72nd & Lexington Ave

Overheard by: Shannon

Teen boy #1: Yo, this horseshit on the street? That’s so ghetto, man.
Teen boy #2: You fuckin’ dumbass. Ain’t no horses in the ghetto.

–14th & 6th

Red jacket: You know he texted me from Mexico like five times since he's been there?
Mauve jacket: Oh my! It costs so much to text from there! It's like 75 cents per text!
Red jacket: I don't know why. I made it quite obvious I wasn't interested. He should spend that money on match.com!
Mauve jacket: You are so wrong.

–Greene & W 4th