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The Black Flag is at Half-mast

Guy #1: You do such dumb shit.
Guy #2: I do not.
Guy #1: Well, what about that E-trades tattoo on your leg?
Guy #2: I’m hardcore!

–1 train

Chick: Sell-out by day…
Suit: Shut up, okay? Whatever pays the bills.

–CBGBs, The Bowery

Overheard by: Sarah Royal

Drunk guy on cell: Dude, that’s crap, you gotta live hardcore!

–Williamsburg

Overheard by: Kate Elizabeth

Teen girl: Man this sucks. Where are all the punks?

–8th & Broadway

Overheard by: Mary

Chick: Darryl doesn’t even know what hardcore is, first off. He was all, “What, is that like some kind of porn?”.

–2nd & A

Overheard by: Kira

Punk girl: Fight bureaucracy!
Suit: You’re not the boss of me.

–Leonard between Broadway & Church

Overheard by: Lakini Malich

Not Too Bad, As Far As Blind Dates Go

A hobo on crutches hobbles towards a chick walking in the opposite direction, and she swerves to avoid him.

Crutchbo: You think you can outsmart me, bitch? Next time I’ll cut you.
Woman: I’m hoping there won’t be a next time.

–Port Authority

She’s a Sex Ed Class Dummy

Queer: Today Daisy totally showed me her vagina!
Girl: She shows everyone her vagina.

–3rd & 6th

Overheard by: zin

This Medal Smells Funny

Guy: What flavor should I get?
Drunk girl: I’d get butter pecan but I’m lactose intolerant and it’d make me shit like a champ.

–Bodega, Houston & 6th

It’s Made of Green Cheese, and That’s the Moon

Girl #1: She said to meet her in front of some type of iron building.
Girl #2: What’s that?
Girl #1: I don’t know. Some building made out of iron. What’s that building made out of?

–23rd & Broadway

… Mom

Lady: You’re making me wet… I SAID you’re making me wet.
Man: Yes, I tend to have that effect on the ladies.
Lady: With your umbrella.
Man: I’m flattered, but it’s not that big.

–1 train

Overheard by: Sloane

I’m So Fast, They Call Me the Chrysler Building

Two male twins, dressed alike, in their 20s, address two female twins, dressed alike, in their 20s.

Male twins: Hey! Are you twins?! You twins?! That’s great! We’re twins too! Hey, we’re twins too!
Female twins: Mmmhmm.
Male twins: You ain’t twins! You lesbians! She look like she wanna get it on with you! You ain’t twins! Hey, I’m just tryin’ ‘a help ya out! You ain’t twins.
Female twins: [silence] Male twins: I’m just tryin’ a help you out! I have your best interest in mind! You ain’t twins! Look! That one’s that one’s mother!
Female twins: We’re twins. We are the same age.
Male twins: Then how come that one so much older than the other? You ain’t twins! We twins! That’s why we so tall! We the twin towers!

Female twins flee train.

–F train

Or a blind Venetian, more likely

Woman: He’s so horny he’d fuck a venetian blind.

–Starbucks, UES

Wednesday One-liners Watch the Calendar

Conductor: This is 33rd Street, please remember to take all personal belongings off with you, and let me be the first to wish you a merry Christmas!

–PATH train

Overheard by: elise n

The Date or the Suit?

Chick #1: Is that George W. Bush?
Chick #2: Really? Where?
Chick #1: Oh no, wait. It’s Mayor Bloomberg.
Chick #2: I was gonna say, that would be a step up for him!

–Nederlander Theatre, W41st

Overheard by: Dani B

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