Girl: And she was like “I usually only play the nice girls, so I'm excited to play someone sinister.”
Gay guy, laughing out loud: Did she actually say that? I hate her!
Girl: I know, right? And she has no butt, either! It's just like, flat. What would that look like? Not that anyone should have to imagine her naked.
Gay guy: It's like…a cube. (both laugh)
–Metro North
Guy #1: And then she was like “you have baby-dar.” I'm all like “baby-dar? What the fuck am I supposed to do with that?”
Guy #2: Yeah.
–PATH Train
Overheard by: preggers
Tacky girl #1: Why do I feel like every time I gain a friend, I lose a friend?
Tacky girl #2: (silence)
Tacky girl #1: It's like AIM buddy lists, like when you max, you know? You have to delete a friend to add a new one, you know? My friendships are all like that, you know?
Tacky girl #2: I don't think it works like that.
Tacky girl #1: Yeah, you're right.
(pause)
Tacky girl #2: Well, if it was like that, who would decide?
Tacky girl #1: Umm…god?
Tacky girl #2: Well, maybe whoever's deciding is telling you to look at the friends you do have, and, like, see if they're worth it.
Tacky girl #1: Ohmigod! You are so good. How did you get so good?
–Metro-North
Woman on train to loud Puerto Rican woman on cell: Excuse me, can you please lower your voice?
Puerto Rican woman, into cell: This bitch just asked me to lower my voice!
–NJ Transit
Overheard by: Emily
Mother to grown daughter, as they huddle together: It's freezing!
(after a few minutes)
Mother: You're not warm yet?
Daughter: I'd be a lot warmer if I crawled up your crotch. (laughs)
Mother: You can't crawl up mommy's crotch anymore, now can you? You're too big!
–LIRR
Mystified/amused pot dealer, as two jocks jog past him after sunset: They just runnin'! No cops, no robbers, no cowboys, no Indians, nothing blowin' up. They just runnin'!
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: innocent bystander
Dad to three-year-old boy learning to how to swing: Well, maybe if you were in better shape, this would be easy for you. You need to work on your abdominals.
–Rckefeller Park
Overheard by: Maria
White buff guy, during spin class: I need to do some serious laundry, so I only had the one clean towel. If ya can't get one, I can always just give you mine and do my usual air dry jumping jacks for the insane amount of fems they have in the locker room over there. But apparently I have a bad-case-of-gay-face, because they look at me like a fat kid in front of the tasty delight window.
–29th St & Lexington
Overheard by: Lace
Suit to another: I wish I could bench press the sins of the world!
–74th St & Broadway
Girl in short skirt and stilettos: Did we just power-strut too far?
–PATH
Preteen boy, on his way to St. Patrick's Parade: Mommy, how long do we have to be on this train?
Mother: A few minutes.
Preteen boy: Mommy! This is like when the Nazis took all those people to concentration camps!
Mother: Yeah, but they were German, these people are Irish.
–PATH Train
Overheard by: Shane
British tourist, passing by The Pink Tea Cup Southern restaurant: Oh, look–an urban menu!
–Bleecker & Grove
Young Asian tourist girl: You mean, there's not actually any fields?
–Strawberry Fields
Overheard by: Jason K.
Tourist, in thick Southern accent: I just don't understand how they turn the trains around so fast, and we don't see them do it!
–Grand Central Station, Shuttle Train
Overheard by: Sara
Tourist hick teen to others: Everybody's wearin' shoes!
–33rd St & 6th Ave
Elderly tourist being escorted to her seat: Oh! I hope we get a booth!
–Olive Garden
Overheard by: EthanK
Tourist to friend: No, we cannot go into a store. I cannot leave Broadway. How else would you expect me to get discovered?
–Time Square
Lady conductor: What's your problem?! Are you bored? You crossed the magic line!
Man conductor: Yeah…
Lady conductor: You crossed the magic line! He crossed the magic line!
–NJ Transit
Professional-sounding female on cell in bathroom stall: What? (sounds of toilet paper roll) In the bathroom? No! (indignantly) I…I'm…near the bathroom!
–Women's Bathroom, FAO Schwartz
Overheard by: near the computer
Girl to friend in bathroom stall: That crack in the door is big enough for me to see the crack of 'yo ass.
–Women's Bathroom, Hunter College
Man exiting bathroom stall to waiting man: No, no, no. Feces.
–Grand Central Station
Overheard by: matt
Black loud cleaning lady to Asian woman: Excuse me, miss? Why you gotta be leaving the seat up? You always leave the seat up! Putting the seat up is okay, but if you put it up, put it down!
–Ladies Room, LIRR
Overheard by: BK
Guy on cell in toilet stall: Now I am unbuckling my belt. (pause) Now I am unzipping my pants. (pause) Now I am pulling down my pants. (pause) Now I am pulling down my underwear. (pause) Now I am sitting down.
–Men's Room, Billy Elliott
Old guy peeing in a urinal, with childlike delight and glee: Wheeeee! Wheeeeeeeeee! Wooooooooooooo! Wheeeeeeeee!
–Men's Room, McDonald's
