Wednesday One-Liners See London and France

30-something guy to another: She works for Sesame Street so she gets a lot of free underwear.

–Brooklyn Label, Greenpoint

Girl: Yeah, dude. She wasn't wearing any underwear so everyone was trying to pull down her skirt!

–St. Mark's Place

Overheard by: Mollie

Tourist mom in matching pink jumpsuit, struggling with too many children: Oh my Jesus, I wore the wrong thong today!

–42nd St

Overheard by: Emily

Puzzled hipster on cell: Wait…how did wearing a thong fuck up her eye?

–7th St & Ave A

Hipster girl on cell: Did you get your underwear? Lindsey! Goddamn it! "Eat" sounds nothing like "get!" Fuck! What? Fuck you, bitch! Taste of my own medicine, bullshit! I heard nothing about gnawing on my own underwear!

–Baskin-Robbins, Mulberry

Overheard by: Hana

Very blond mother pushing baby carriage, on cell: I don't care, we've talked about this! Don't fucking touch my underwear!

–20th St & 7th Ave

Posted on October 1, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Girls, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Insults, Lower Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Nudity, Offers and requests, Questions, TV, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness

The Devil Wore Wednesday One-Liners

Man on phone: Well, I got a shirt but it wasn't quite what I was looking for, so I'm gonna go to Whole Foods and get some breadsticks.

–Astor Place

Older, bespectacled white male at table with wife: Motherfuckin' tube socks…

–Jazz Standard, 27th & Park

Overheard by: V

6'6" man (earnestly): Honestly, if I were Hillary, I would never wear a pantsuit! You know what I mean?

–Bellevue Hospital

Overheard by: Ingwall

Cracker: I hate fighting rastas. Man, I really do. It's those hats…you never know what they're hiding in those fuckin' hats!

–Marcy & Broadway

Man: Do you realize you just offended a man carrying an organic tote bag?

–6 Train

Overheard by: wb

Barfly to bartender: Is that your belt or a wrinkle in the fabric of time?

–Thirsty Scholar, 2nd Ave & 10th St

Overheard by: Jas

Posted on October 1, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Brooklyn, Clothing, Customers, Druggies, Fighting and ass kicking, Food, Hospitals, Men, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Old People, On Cell, Philosophy, Politics, Questions, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness, White People, Wishes & desires

There Are Eight Million Stories in the Naked City

Crazy guy: Hello.
Girl: Hi.
Crazy guy: You know, yesterday I had a nervous breakdown. My girlfriend kicked me out of the house forever.
Girl: Oh…
Crazy guy: It was nice talking to you. Bye.

–Union Square

Posted on September 30, 2008
Breaking Up, Crazies, Crazy, Default, Girls, Guys, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness

But Did You Know I Love Opera and Abstract Expressionist Paintings?

Hobo #1: Man, I love being drunk.
Hobo #2: I know. You say that every day.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Frenchie

Posted on September 27, 2008
Default, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Hobos, Union Square and East Village

Well, You Once Told Me I Was the Best Part of Waking Up

Guy: I told my sister when I die, I want her to cremate me and put the ashes in coffee cans, so people will think they're coffee grounds and I'll be in their coffee.
Girl: You are so stupid.

–4th St & Ave A

Overheard by: Better than <a href=

Posted on September 26, 2008
Coffee, Death, Default, Girls, Guys, Insults, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners Are Bursting with Fruit Flavor

Punk rocker to ghetto chick: Say…you ever been fucked by a smelly guy in a banana suit?

–J Train

Overheard by: Markthrone

Loud, laughing redhead on cell: Ha ha! I'll plant another pear tree, and that will be Tricia!

–W 57th St

Overheard by: Susan Volchok

Brosef to girls (oddly aggressively): Which do you like more, bananas or oranges? Say it!

–14th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Rooting for bananas

Guy on cell: Did you order the poster of the banana?

–Central Park

Overheard by: urbanadventurer

Overachiever mom to 5-year-old girl: No, I'm not saying that you have to have a piece of fruit. I'm saying that when we get there, you'll get to choose. It'll be your choice. You can choose fruit or you can choose a granola bar. (pause) Of course, fruit is the healthier choice.

–7th Ave & 26th St

Overheard by: Rich Mintz

Heavily tattooed man: So we started playing this game. We shoved grapes up her ass, and she had to drop them in a martini glass.

–St. Mark's Place

Overheard by: Housey

Posted on September 24, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asshole, Backdoor, Central Park, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Fruit, Guys, Kink, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Names, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Punks, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Enjoy a Stay in the Graybar Hilton

Conductor on train: Ladies and gentlemen, if you see the person who is annoyingly pressing the buzzer please direct him to a conductor so they can be arrested and we can all go home.

–Metro North Train

Overheard by: Allison

Hobo: Now you're going to give me a quarter sir, and then I'm going to arrest you.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Eric

Guy on cell: Mike is getting his crazy ass released? For real? (pause) He's paying taxes?! Thug!

–M Train

Teenybopper: I'm going to jail tonight, I don't care. I'm gonna fuckin' kill that bitch!

–30th b/w 2nd & 3rd

Overheard by: eavesdropper

Prospective employee to another: I can't believe she tells me how to fill out the fingerprint card! I've been done hauled to the precinct so many times…

–Elevator, Midtown Building

Ghetto mama: Why somebody call me from prison gotta be my husband? Hell no, that nigga is past tense!

–54 Bus

Posted on September 24, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Buildings, Conductors, Crime and Punishment, Elevators, Ghetto Chicks, Guys, Hobos, Marriage, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Money & Class, Murder, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Bus, On the Subway, Panhandling, Prison, Public Transportation, Threats, Trains Not Subway, Tweens, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness, Words

What What (In the Wednesday One-Liners)?

Russian woman to fat guy (after he yelled at her): Escooz me, cood you please poot your ass out of ze vindow so I can seet? (fat guy remains seated)

–B1 Bus

Overheard by: Robert

Gay: Your ass looks great! Have you started bottoming?

–Christopher St Pier

Young kid: 14th Street, like her ass on my face.

–Union Square Subway Station

Overheard by: Pza

20-something gay suit: My butt always causes friction.

–Elevator, Midtown Building

Sorority hungover girl talking about birth: I came out ass first, isn't that typical?

–Denny's

Guy to chick: We will use your ass as a presentational ass.

–Weight Room, Coles Gym

Overheard by: Ladle

Teen girl to friend: I feel like my butt just came off. You ever feel like that?

–Grand Central Station

Overheard by: Alison

Posted on September 24, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Beauty, Buildings, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Elevators, Fitness, Foreigners, Girls, Grand Central, Guys, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, On the Bus, Queer guys, Queers, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Sensory Experiences, Sorority Girls, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Suits, Teens, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Women, Words

Pop Quiz: Which One's Using “Sandwich” As a Euphemism?

Hipster #1: Every time I sleep with your mom she makes me half a sandwich.
Hipster #2: She makes me a low-fat sandwich.
Hipster #1: A half a sandwich is a low-fat sandwich.

–14th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Quarter Sandwhich

Posted on September 23, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Default, Food, Hipsters, Parents, Sex, Union Square and East Village, Words

Union Square and East Village