Scalpel….Scissors….Wednesday One-Liners…

Big black crossdresser: Oh honey, I know that no amount of surgery is going to make me a diva!

–3 Train

Overheard by: Kailee McMahon

Mother to small daughter: Honey, don't forget to wash your hands. (girl scrubs hands for a long time) Honey, you aren't getting ready to perform surgery. Hurry up.

–Women's Bathroom, The Met

Man: He had to have his top hat surgically removed.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Kevin

Intern: Latex gloves are for killing people, surgery and dying your hair.

–1501 Broadway

Overheard by: Randi

Loud woman on phone: Yeah, he got his tubes clipped this weekend. He's been fixed! Oh, but don't tell anyone, he doesn't want anybody to know.

–Dunkin Donuts

Girl on cell: How did teaching go? How was the surgery? Did human skin taste good?

–Columbia University

Overheard by: The Poogtastic One

Posted on October 15, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Black People, Clothing, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Coworkers, Girls, Gossip, Hair, Health and Hygiene, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Murder, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Plastic Surgery, Private Parts, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Sensory Experiences, Stall Spies, The Met, Trannies, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liners, Capisce?

Guido: I once kept a clove of garlic in my mouth for a whole week.

–18th & 5th

Overheard by: Alistar Spencer

20-something to Guido friend: Dude, it's not my fault you look like a child molester.

–Meatpacking District

Overheard by: Sam

Guido with gelled hair to Guidette, as it starts to rain: I made $500 off this haircut, I am not getting it wet and ruined! No!

–Union Square

Guido on 'roids, to his three Guido friends: Yo, it don't matter if you fucked 5,000 girls! You suck a cock once, you a cock-sucker fo' life!

–Spumoni Gardens, Brooklyn

Overheard by: POLA

Guido to another: Boy, breakdancing when you're high is impossible.

–Queens Center Mall

Overheard by: baby g

Guido on cell: I have an extra queen-sized mattress at my place. I'll set up my camera, you'll come over with Sarah and fuck on it, and we can sell it as a porno afterwards. I don't see why this is so hard.

–St. Mark's & Ave. A

Posted on October 15, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, BJs, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Food, Friends, Guidos, Hair, Home, Sweet Home, Malls, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, Porn, Queens, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness

Ni Hao, Wednesday One-Liners!

Korean girl to white guy: Why do you find it necessary to squint your eyes when you do an Asian impression?

–L Train

Overheard by: john.ainley

White girl to friends: And then a ninjician pulled a chopstick out of her ear!

–Veniero's Pastry Shop

Overheard by: Amy

Asian chick: Asians are obsessed with analyzing poop.

–Max Restaurant, Tribeca

Overheard by: Shringle

Woman begging for change: Can I get some quarters? (pause) My cousin-in-law is Chinese. Come on!

–52nd & Lexington

Overheard by: NMT

Asian woman, after sneezing: Just cuz I'm a sneezin' Asian don't mean I got SARS.

–Port Authority Bus Terminal

Overheard by: CNaughty

White girl on cell: Okay, I'm going to sound crazy, but there's this Asian guy in one of my classes…and he looks just like Ashley…and I just want to run up and say "Can I take a picture of you? Because you look just like my black girlfriend!"

–Dorm Building, Cooper Union

Posted on October 15, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Body Parts, Buildings, College, Compare/Contrast, Family Ties, Girls, Global Geography, Grocery Stores, Illness, Koreans, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Pictures, Poop, Port Authority, Questions, Race, Restaurants & Cafes, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weirdness, White People

And He Wears Members Only Jackets Around the House

Hipster chick: He's not gay, he just wants everyone to think that.
Hipster chick friend: How do you know?
Hipster chick: He'll only suck cock in public.

–4th St & 2nd Ave

Posted on October 11, 2008
BJs, Compare/Contrast, Default, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Hipsters, Questions, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Still, I've Never Seen a Straight Guy Hold Chopsticks With His Legs

Girl #1, checking out a dude in a restaurant: He's super hot, but I think he's gay.
Girl #2: Oh yeah, totally, look at the way he crosses his legs. And he's using chopsticks.
Girl #1: It's an Asian restaurant.

–Union Square

Overheard by: littleD

Posted on October 11, 2008
Beauty, Compliments, Default, Ethnic Food, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Physical appearance, Restaurants & Cafes, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village

Oh, Puke, It's Wednesday One-Liners!

Teenybopper: I was going to see Legally Blonde, but then I threw up in Kmart twice.

–Delacourte Theater, before Hair

Overheard by: Morgan

Girl to another: It's easy–you just put your finger down your throat and you vomit!

–Union Square Park

Overheard by: Sarah

Guy on laptop to woman sitting next to him: Sorry if I make throw-up noises, no offense.

–Penn Station, NJ Transit

Overheard by: altaatlantic

Girl on cell: Oh my god. Like if that meal wasn't so expensive, I would have thrown it up!

–3rd Ave & 8th St

Overheard by: rachel

Teenage girl on payphone: Ma? Hey ma? Hold on. (vomits) I'm throwing up! (vomits some more) I *said* I'm (vomits a third time) throwing up. I'm done now. What?

–Wilson Ave, Bushwick

Overheard by: Sarah Booz

Girl to friend, while smoking: So there I was, puking…and they started to have sex!

–Third and Long Bar

Posted on October 8, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Apologies, Bars & Clubs, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Food, Girls, Guys, Money & Class, Movies, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, Penn Station, Sex, Theater, Tweens, Union Square and East Village, Vomit, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Will Pass You a Note in Study Hall

Teen girl: The teacher was like, "Everybody did well on the oral part, that's a good thing, because I hadn't thought it was too long or hard." And then a kid in the back shouted, "That's what she said!"

–Times Square

Teen girl, after being hugged by two boys: Okay, which one of you fingered me?

–Outside Queens Center Mall

Overheard by: disgusted educator on bus

Teen on cell: Stuff? What the hell? Wait, stuff and things? What the fuck, man?!

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Quippy Pasqual

Teenage boy: Every time you type "lol" a baby gets kicked in the head.

–150th & Columbus

Teen girl on cell: Why you always call me "ghetto?" I'm not ghetto. (long pause) Okay, I am! But I can't help it!

–Park Avenue

Overheard by: taylor

Teen punk girl on phone: Yeah, I kinda got to third in a dumpster… No! No, it was a clean dumpster!

–St Mark's & 2nd

Posted on October 8, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Babies, Boys, Cleanliness, Education, Girls, Grand Central, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Insults, Kick, On Cell, Punks, Queens, Questions, Sexuality, Teens, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness, Words

Social Security What, Now?

Man in cast: Nah man, I can't I don't have health insurance.
Creepy man: You don't have health insurance?! I can get it for you! Just give me your social security number!
Man in cast: Oh yeah?

–East Village

Overheard by: Gina

Posted on October 6, 2008
Actors, Default, Health and Hygiene, Men, Offers and requests, Questions, Union Square and East Village

And We Made That Necklace Out of Them?

NYU boy #1: Damn, we were so high last night.
NYU boy #2: I know, I was just in the bathroom looking at the shampoo bottle for, like, twenty minutes because it was, like, so beautiful!
NYU boy #3 (laughing): Yeah, Brady was so fucked up… Remember when he threw up his teeth?

–St. Mark's Place

Overheard by: cindy fernandez

Posted on October 5, 2008
Boys, Default, Drugs, Students, Teeth, Union Square and East Village, Vomit, Weirdness

Union Square and East Village