Wednesday One-Liners Feel Pretty and Witty and Gay

Flamboyantly gay guy to gay friends: Why do I have to be the queen? Why can’t I just be regular?!

–Christopher Street

Overheard by: JMcheer

Queer to another: I just want to bury my face in his ass!

–67th & Park Ave

Gay guy on cell: Oooh! I love playing straight!

–1st Ave, East Village

Overheard by: B

Stressed gay worker: They always skip over my lunch break. Everyone else gets their lunch breaks but they always skip over mine. Ugh. Guys, I’m gonna take my 15 minutes. I’m taking my 15 minutes. I close tonight… Ugh, this is not the road to success! (storms off)

–H&M Store

Overheard by: nyu kid

Queer to boyfriend: You know Romy and Michelle? I love that movie… That movie made me gay.

–Restaurant, 19th & 8th

Overheard by: batou187

Queer on cell: I know… I know! Gosh, that is sooo gay!
(bewildered elderly lady looks at him)
Queer to elderly lady (in shrieking voice): Oh my god, oh my god, the faggot said gay!

–Central Park

Posted on February 20, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Boyfriends, Central Park, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Coworkers, Eating Out, Gays and Lesbians, Gripes, Movies, Office politics, On Cell, Queer guys, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Sexuality, Store, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, West Village, Wishes & desires, Words

She Sounds Very Pretty Herself

Girl #1: I’m funny.
Girl #2: No you’re not.
Girl #1: Yes I am. Everyone says I’m hilarious.
Girl #2: Of course they do. That’s because you aren’t pretty.

–Virgin, Union Square

Overheard by: djlindee

Posted on February 18, 2015
Fashion, Friendship, Manhattan, Relationships, Union Square and East Village

Your Wednesday One-Liner Is Nothing to Be Ashamed Of

Woman: Excuse me, can you tell me something? Do I have a hickey on my neck? I have to go to a lunch and I just want to know if I have a hickey on my neck.

–SoHo

Overheard by: kim

Guy on cell: He shoved his hand in so many crevices that they looked like flippers.

–2nd Ave & Houston

Overheard by: gypsee

Drunk girl: If Bethany doesn't have legs, nobody has legs.

–1 Train

Overheard by: oliviz

Strange woman, seeing another woman massaging pressure points on friend's ear: She has a headache? It starts in the scrotum.

–M14D Bus

Man, missing stop: This is the problem with having a prostate that's bigger than your brain…you always forget to get off.

–Downtown 1 Train

Overheard by: rachel

Girl: She slept with Harry, and she didn't know he only had one hand, and afterward she still didn't know he only had one hand.

–Brother Jimmy's Restaurant

Overheard by: Joe

Posted on February 17, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Bus, Compare/Contrast, Drunks, Girls, Guys, Handicaps, Health and Hygiene, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Men, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Bus, On the Subway, One-liners, Passengers, Public Transportation, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Soho, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Like Side Dishes

Guy: I like my dick with a little pussy on the side.

–3rd & Bowery

Possible paternity litigant: Paul Newman, another girl, and my mom were all having sex together right before I was born.

–6th St & 1st Ave

Posted on February 17, 2015
About Celebrities, Body Parts, Manhattan, Pop Culture, Queers, Sex, Sex & Relationships, Union Square and East Village

Wednesday One-Liners Fade to Black

Slightly drunk kid from Alaska: I realized I had blacked out when I woke up on top of my sister.

–14th St

Overheard by: The Reverend

Young girl on cell: You passed out from him choking you? (pause) Like…does it…um…sting? Did he apologize at least? (pause) Ya know, it's not okay to get so fucked up that you don't know that he's choking you.

–Max Cafe

Overheard by: D to the ana

Loud girl on cell: Oh my god! Don't even worry about hitting on her too much, she was totally blacked out last night!

–Whole Foods Union Square

Overheard by: bildita

Preppy girl: Is "faint" a euphemism for "boner"?

–LaGuardia Airport

Overheard by: Diana

Posted on February 15, 2015
Airports, All Wednesday One-Liners, Apologies, Choke, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Erections, Family Ties, Girls, Incest, LaGuardia Airport, On Cell, Pick-up Lines, Preppies, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Street, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Whole Foods, Words

Later, When She Breaks to Take a Crap and Change Her Tampon, He Creams Himself

Female singer: Sorry about the delay. I had to pee, so I went.
Guy in audience: What did she say?
Friend: She had to pee. And she went.
Guy in Audience: Ohhh man. That’s awesome.

–Irving Plaza, Starlight Mints show

Posted on February 13, 2015
Bars & Clubs, D-List, Friends, Pee, Singing, Union Square and East Village

Work Day One-Liners

Postal worker to another: Oh, no, don't worry. You do what you want. It is impossible for them to fire you, girl.

–Tompkins Square Park

Mr. Big, sarcastically on cell: Is there anything else that I can do for you, honey, while I'm out making a living?

–First Class Cabin, American Airlines

Overheard by: Frequent Flyer

Scruffy drunk hipster guy to frumpy drunk hipster girl: That's how girls touch me… at work.

–Cobble Hill Brooklyn

Guy on cell: I really need to give up drugs cause, like, no one will hire me. I'm gonna wait a few weeks and try to get a job at Food Emporium.

–Astor Place

20-something girl to another: See, the thing with sweatshops is, at least they have jobs.

–Chelsea

Overheard by: arielle

Well-dressed gay man to another: Doesn't she know the best part of her job is going through the OfficeMax catalogue to order matching office supplies? That should be the highlight of anyone's day!

–E Train

Overheard by: lk