25% Of All New Yorkers Have Wednesday One-Liners

Thug on cell: Wait, so you said you needed something for herpes? (pause) I said, you need something for your herpes? (pause) Well, I smoked a little before I came over here…

–Harlem Rite Aid

Man: Your wife! Your wife! Richard Dawkins is gonna get herpes from your wife!

–French Roast, 86th & Broadway

Overheard by: zdog

Girl on cell wearing a Puerto Rican flag bandana: I dunno, I mean, I just can't keep doing this. I don't want to get herpes again.

–Bleecker & Mercer

Overheard by: JLief

Girl on subway to friend: I've never looked at you and thought you looked like you had herpes.

–E Train

Mother to tween daughter, ecstatically hugging friend: Remember, girls: No sharing saliva. That's how you get herpes and ruin your summer.

–3rd & 92nd

Overheard by: rebecca

Posted on July 30, 2008
About Celebrities, Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Friends, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Latinos, Men, Moms, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, STDs, Store, The Village, Thugs, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wishes & desires

I'm Just Gonna Pop Out for a Cigarette

Long Island lady #1: Okay. I get what he's doing now. I'm moving on to the landscapes. Join me when you're done.
Long Island lady #2 (still entranced): Um. Yes. Yes, I'm done too.

–Nude Room, Gustave Courbet Exhibit, Metropolitan Museum of Art

Overheard by: Colleen

Posted on July 28, 2008
Default, Offers and requests, The Met, Upper East Side, Visual Art, Women

The Girls Learn How Important It Is to Be Cute

Man: That’s a very cute dog!
Girl #1: Yes, she is. My dad got her at a pet store. He was going to get a dog at the shelter, but he didn’t want to.
Girl #2: Yeah, so the dog he would have gotten at the shelter died, because it was a kill shelter.
Dad: Um, I’m not really taking full responsibility for that.
Girl #1: The dog was killed. Just because you didn’t want it.
Girl #2: Yeah, dad.
Dad: Really. I think this is less than 5% my fault. Look, this where we get off.
Man: Have a good night! Sleep well.

–Elevator, 82nd & 3rd

Overheard by: emily

Posted on July 26, 2008
Compliments, Dads, Death, Default, Elevators, Girls, Men, Upper East Side, We Love Our Pets

And Is Lucky the Leprechaun a Prima Donna in Real Life?

(Irish service elevator operator is showing new guy the ropes, delivery Thug walks in)
Operator, with Irish brogue: What’s up?
Thug: 11 C, man. (thug looks at the new guy)
Thug: You new man? Yo, I gotta ask you a question, do you drink beer?
New guy: Yup.
Thug: You drink Guinness?
New guy: Yeah, sometimes.
Thug: Alright, I gotta know, is the Guinness here different from the Guinness back home?
New guy: I am a Long Island Jew.
Thug: Shit, for real? I thought everybody who worked here was from Ireland.
(thug gets off the elevator to make delivery)
Operator: You should’ve asked him if it’s different buying food in a supermarket instead of having to chase and kill it with a spear.

–E 77th St

Posted on July 25, 2008
9 to 5-ers, Advice, Compare/Contrast, Coworkers, Default, Drinks, Global Geography, Guys, Insults, Irish, Judaism, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, Questions, Thanks, Long Island! (Male JAPs), Thugs, Upper East Side

Kathy Griffin Makes Fun Of Wednesday One-Liners

White queer to friend: So I was sitting there at the restaurant with my parents and looked to my left, and who was there? LL Cool J! Ooooh, girl, he is fine. I was all: "Hey, LL, you can park your big Underground Railroad right in my behind!"

–UES

Hipster: You can’t really enjoy Evel Knievel in the traditional sense.

–St. Mark’s Place

Nine-year old boy to another: Ooh, Indiana Jones! Look, Shia LaBeouf! I used to go out with him.

–St. Mark’s Place

Overheard by: learned something new about Shia LeBeouf

Proud teen: I had my picture taken with Dennis Rodman’s sister.

–Houston & West Broadway

Worried hipster: And I think Judge Judy would just say that I don’t have a leg to stand on.

–W 19th St

Bus driver: I know what it’s like to miss a flight. You have to ride a Greyhound bus and sit next to a fat guy who eats Cheez-Its and talks about Scott Baio way too much.

–NYAS Shuttle, JFK

Overheard by: innocent bus rider

Posted on July 23, 2008
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Backdoor, Boys, Bus Drivers, Cars and Driving, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Family Ties, Gays and Lesbians, Hipsters, Innuendo, JFK Airport, Kids, Movies, Parents, Pictures, Queer guys, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, White People

The Girls-Gone-Wild Bar Gets Raised Every Year

Girl #1: So both the girls took off their panties and spread their cheeks for the crowd. And you would not believe it, but the one girl started eating the other one’s ass!
Girl #2: Nothing says “goodnight” like a good ass licking.

–Vespa, Upper East Side

Overheard by: Steve

Posted on July 22, 2008
Clothing, Default, Eating Out, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Nudity, Restaurants & Cafes, Upper East Side, Weirdness

Help Us, MTV– You’re Our Only Hope!

Girl #1: MTV is putting out another one of those stupid beach shows where they just film stuck-up bitches.
Girl #2: They have so fucking many of those, they’re pointless, they need to do something different.
Girl #1: Yeah! They should film us, that would be awesome.
Girl #2: Totally, I would watch it.
(pause)
Girl #1: My ankles hurt!
Girl #2: Yeah, my left one hurts.
Girl #1: My right does.

–Park & Lexington

Overheard by: Emily J.

Posted on July 21, 2008
Default, Film, Girls, Gripes, Sensory Experiences, TV, Upper East Side

Yeah, My Long-Term Goal Is a Solid-Gold Shroud

Daughter: This is a really nice dress for my first wedding, no?
Mother: Well, for the next one you will have more money, so you can get something even nicer.

–77th & Madison

Posted on July 18, 2008
Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Default, Girls, Marriage, Moms, Money & Class, Questions, Upper East Side, Weirdness

…Now That She’s Pregnant

Drunk girl #1: How is Beth* doing?
Drunk girl #2: Oh, she’s doing great. Very centered and serious… She only does a couple of drugs.

–Phoenix Park, 67th b/w 2nd & 3rd

Posted on July 10, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Default, Drugs, Drunks, Girls, Questions, Upper East Side

Let’s Talk About Wednesday One-Liner, Baby

Serious tween girl: I wanna get my braces off. I’ll be able to chew gum and be sexually active.

–1 Train

Old Italian man to young, really drunk Asian date outside of a restaurant: So, you wanna eat or you wanna fuck?

–17th & 7th

20-something girl on cell: So we get done and he’s like: "That was amazing. I don’t even want to know where you learned to do that." Is that a rhetorical question? Seriously, am I supposed to answer that?

–LIRR

Girl to friend: But I didn’t mean to have sex with him!

–Washington Square Park

Hot bald guy: I would have thought hurried bathroom-floor sex to have little ambiguity.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: McFreaky

Woman to mailman: I never reported my mailman, and I was banging him!

–68th St b/w Lexington & Park Avenue

Posted on July 9, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compliments, Food, Girls, Guys, Italians, Men, Offers and requests, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, Questions, Sex, Sexuality, Trains Not Subway, Tweens, Upper East Side, Washington Square Park, Women