Desperate girl #1: I think those guys are checking us out.
Desperate girl #2: No, they are looking for a waitress.
–Restaurant, Upper East Side
Desperate girl #1: I think those guys are checking us out.
Desperate girl #2: No, they are looking for a waitress.
–Restaurant, Upper East Side
Boy on class trip #1: Look! The hall of Asian mammals!
Boy on class trip #2: Since when are there mammals in Asia?
–Museum of Natural History
Overheard by: Amanda
Thug on cell: Wait, so you said you needed something for herpes? (pause) I said, you need something for your herpes? (pause) Well, I smoked a little before I came over here…
–Harlem Rite Aid
Man: Your wife! Your wife! Richard Dawkins is gonna get herpes from your wife!
–French Roast, 86th & Broadway
Overheard by: zdog
Girl on cell wearing a Puerto Rican flag bandana: I dunno, I mean, I just can't keep doing this. I don't want to get herpes again.
–Bleecker & Mercer
Overheard by: JLief
Girl on subway to friend: I've never looked at you and thought you looked like you had herpes.
–E Train
Mother to tween daughter, ecstatically hugging friend: Remember, girls: No sharing saliva. That's how you get herpes and ruin your summer.
–3rd & 92nd
Overheard by: rebecca
Long Island lady #1: Okay. I get what he's doing now. I'm moving on to the landscapes. Join me when you're done.
Long Island lady #2 (still entranced): Um. Yes. Yes, I'm done too.
–Nude Room, Gustave Courbet Exhibit, Metropolitan Museum of Art
Overheard by: Colleen
Man: That’s a very cute dog!
Girl #1: Yes, she is. My dad got her at a pet store. He was going to get a dog at the shelter, but he didn’t want to.
Girl #2: Yeah, so the dog he would have gotten at the shelter died, because it was a kill shelter.
Dad: Um, I’m not really taking full responsibility for that.
Girl #1: The dog was killed. Just because you didn’t want it.
Girl #2: Yeah, dad.
Dad: Really. I think this is less than 5% my fault. Look, this where we get off.
Man: Have a good night! Sleep well.
–Elevator, 82nd & 3rd
Overheard by: emily
(Irish service elevator operator is showing new guy the ropes, delivery Thug walks in)
Operator, with Irish brogue: What’s up?
Thug: 11 C, man. (thug looks at the new guy)
Thug: You new man? Yo, I gotta ask you a question, do you drink beer?
New guy: Yup.
Thug: You drink Guinness?
New guy: Yeah, sometimes.
Thug: Alright, I gotta know, is the Guinness here different from the Guinness back home?
New guy: I am a Long Island Jew.
Thug: Shit, for real? I thought everybody who worked here was from Ireland.
(thug gets off the elevator to make delivery)
Operator: You should’ve asked him if it’s different buying food in a supermarket instead of having to chase and kill it with a spear.
–E 77th St
White queer to friend: So I was sitting there at the restaurant with my parents and looked to my left, and who was there? LL Cool J! Ooooh, girl, he is fine. I was all: "Hey, LL, you can park your big Underground Railroad right in my behind!"
–UES
Hipster: You can’t really enjoy Evel Knievel in the traditional sense.
–St. Mark’s Place
Nine-year old boy to another: Ooh, Indiana Jones! Look, Shia LaBeouf! I used to go out with him.
–St. Mark’s Place
Overheard by: learned something new about Shia LeBeouf
Proud teen: I had my picture taken with Dennis Rodman’s sister.
–Houston & West Broadway
Worried hipster: And I think Judge Judy would just say that I don’t have a leg to stand on.
–W 19th St
Bus driver: I know what it’s like to miss a flight. You have to ride a Greyhound bus and sit next to a fat guy who eats Cheez-Its and talks about Scott Baio way too much.
–NYAS Shuttle, JFK
Overheard by: innocent bus rider
Girl #1: So both the girls took off their panties and spread their cheeks for the crowd. And you would not believe it, but the one girl started eating the other one’s ass!
Girl #2: Nothing says “goodnight” like a good ass licking.
–Vespa, Upper East Side
Overheard by: Steve
Girl #1: MTV is putting out another one of those stupid beach shows where they just film stuck-up bitches.
Girl #2: They have so fucking many of those, they’re pointless, they need to do something different.
Girl #1: Yeah! They should film us, that would be awesome.
Girl #2: Totally, I would watch it.
(pause)
Girl #1: My ankles hurt!
Girl #2: Yeah, my left one hurts.
Girl #1: My right does.
–Park & Lexington
Overheard by: Emily J.
Daughter: This is a really nice dress for my first wedding, no?
Mother: Well, for the next one you will have more money, so you can get something even nicer.
–77th & Madison
