Wednesday One-Liners– Now in Small, Regular and Porn Star

20-something girl: And then they had another raffle and I won another 30 minutes of free porn and a vibrator.

–Chelsea Market

Overheard by: eSong

Man, talking to himself in the park: I don't discriminate against women. Women discriminate against me. Why? Because they have all different kinds of dildos.

–City Hall Park

Salesman, shouting to man with girlfriend: Have you been neglecting your butthole lately? I'm selling some nice greasy vibrators here!

–34th St

Overheard by: Jessica

30-something balding man on cell: Dildo and show…

–14th & 3rd

Woman to friends posing for picture: 1…2…3…say: "sex toys!"

–West Village

Mythology professor: Ares was a bit stupid, so Aphrodite was pretty much the brains of that operation. For her, he was basically just a living dildo.

–Hunter College

Overheard by: Sarah

Posted on May 13, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asshole, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clerks, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Dildos and Vibrators, Free stuff!, Friends, Gender issues, Girls, Hunter, Men, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Pictures, Porn, Questions, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, Time, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Women

You Want a Sip Of Me? Huh?

Dunkin' Donuts giant coffee cup mascot: Beautiful Saturday folks, come to the grand opening of Dunkin' Donuts right down the block…
Tourist bro: Dunkin' Donuts sucks!
Dunkin' Donuts giant coffee cup mascot: Get out of here, you asshole!

–Canal & Lafayette

Overheard by: Christian

Posted on May 11, 2009
Gripes, Insults, Tourists, Vendors & Street Performers, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

A Gospel Song That's Unlikely to Replace “Gather by the River”

Guy: Please give me a quickie…maybe in the bathroom?
Girl: You just bought me coffee…let me finish it first.
Guy: The coffee can't wait?
Girl: It's a hell of a lot better than a quickie in the bathroom.

–Mimi's Cafe, Church & Chambers

Posted on May 9, 2009
Coffee, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Guys, Hook Ups, Offers and requests, Restaurants & Cafes, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

Ad: Kosher Toilet Paper— We Answer to a Lower Power

Lawyer: And what do you sell?
Jury candidate: I used to sell diamonds. Now, in the depression…I sell toilet paper to religious people.

–Centre Street

Posted on April 26, 2009
Jobs & Careers, Lawyers, Money & Class, Questions, Religion, Strangers, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weirdness

We'd Be Out Of Business Otherwise

Girl leaving class: And then we took the contraceptive and put it on our face.
Friend: Boy, this conversation would be awkward out of context.

–NY Law, Worth & Church

Overheard by: Louie Q

Posted on April 26, 2009
Body Parts, College, Friends, Girls, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Students, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners, Now With Delicious Credit Crunch!

Hobo, yelling to crowd: The stimulus plan won't work! The banks have no money! We need to stimulate the banks! You know how? Cocaine and hookers!

–53rd st & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Andrew

Professor: I knew the economy was bad when I saw Saks had layaway. Layaway is for Wal-Mart, not Saks!

–NYU Law

Guy on phone with mother: No, mom! I'm not going to walk on Wall St today. (pause) Because I don't feel like getting hit by a falling body, that's why.

–Broadway & John St

Asian metrosexual to friend entering clothing store: No, I wanna stimulate the economy!

–SoHo

Overheard by: Galatea

Cute young professional: I better be able to go into a bar and say, "I have a job, and it's recession proof. Wanna see what my bed and a Magnum condom look like?"

–72nd & Broadway

Overheard by: Lindsay D.

Guy on cell: I'm telling you, when a place like that switches from Charmin to Duane Reade toilet paper, you know the economy is in the shitter.

–Great Jones & Broadway

Posted on April 22, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Cocaine, Compare/Contrast, Condoms, Friends, Guys, Hobos, Homeless, Jobs & Careers, Metrosexuals, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Money & Class, NYU, Offers and requests, On Cell, Pick-up Lines, Prostitution, Shopping, Soho, Suicide, Teachers/Professors, The Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Freud: Hmmmm…

Female suit at sink to friend in stall: Oh, yeah! I saw a stainless steel toilet seat cover today, and it made me think of you!
Woman in stall, delighted: Oh, yay!
(both laugh fondly)

–Women's Restroom, Financial District

Overheard by: nowhere near the corrections department..

Posted on April 18, 2009
Friends, Laughter, Relationships, Suits, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weirdness, Women

One Wednesday One-Liner to Live

Woman, pushing baby in stroller through flock of pigeons and hearing him laugh hysterically: Yeah, yeah, sometimes it's the little things in life.

–76th St

Overheard by: jaytro

Guerrilla Top of the Rock marketer: Carpet munching can get you far in life.

–Rockefeller Center

Twelve-year-old girl at Tila Tequila's book signing: This is the greatest day of my life.

–Barnes & Noble, Tribeca

Overheard by: Helene and Kristina

Short fat white woman to tall older man: Well, I really have no problem with spending life in jail. I really don't.

–Father Demo Square

Man, not moving: This place is draining the life out of me.

–IKEA Store

Overheard by: Les Izzmore

Train operator: This is a life-altering bound r train. Prepare to be amazed. Next stop, Nirvana.

–R Train

Posted on April 15, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Babies, Books & Writing, Buddha, Clerks, Fat People, Laughter, Licking, Men, On the Subway, One-liners, Prison, Public Transportation, Rockefeller Center, Sensory Experiences, Store, Street, The Village, Tweens, Vagina, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

I Knew I Used Too Much Product This Morning

30-something woman: I thought you lived in Jersey.
30-something man: Do I look like I live in Jersey?

–William St & Platt

Overheard by: Brunni

Posted on April 13, 2009
Men, NYC Geography, Physical appearance, Questions, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Women

That's What You Said About Grandma Moving in with Us

Little boy, pointing at a subway: Mom, what's this?
Mom: A subway.
Little boy: What does it do?
Mom: It gives you a hard landing space if you trip down the steps.

–Wall Street

Posted on April 13, 2009
Accidents, Kids, Moms, Parents, Public Transportation, Questions, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

Ad: Kosher Toilet Paper— We Answer to a Lower Power