Chick looking at vagina jewelry in sex shop: I don’t understand how you put it on.
Guy: I don’t know… Oh, I see! It goes around your labia majora!
–8th Ave
Gangsta girl: I mean, he's just such a loser.
Gangsta boy: Right, yeah.
Gangsta girl: I mean, murder, doing drugs and selling them…that's just so stupid.
–C Train
Queer #1: If you were a hot dog and you were starving, would you eat yourself?
Queer #2, giggling: Ewww… I don’t like red meat.
–Chelsea
Overheard by: Allen B.
Girl on cell: You raised me around drug addicts, and now they’re the only people I like… I don’t do drugs, I’m just drawn to the addicts!
–28th & Park
Guy: If you rub the gerbil in Vaseline and then dip it in cocaine, it just slips right up there.
–The Village
Chick: That’s what happens when you sniff baking powder — anyone would be shaking…
–LIRR
Overheard by: tanechka
Girl on cell: I know! I really need to stop calling my mom when I’m on coke.
–Waverly & Broadway
Overheard by: Spends 40K To Hear This Shit
Security guard to another: Just keep your eyes peeled, man… That’s the third crack pipe we’ve had in here in two years.
–ABC Carpet & Home store, 18th & Broadway
Overheard by: Shadey
Chick: Well, I was supposed to be a part-time barista, but I was actually a full-time coke-head.
–Sullivan St, Soho
Man to entire train: It’s hard to tolerate you, because you would have been nothing but a drug dealer in the ’80s!
–6 train
Overheard by: xan
Woman on cell: Oh, and by the way, I called my mother to thank her. (pause) No, I said, "Mom, I'm calling on behalf of me and the girls to thank you very much." (longer pause) Well, she can just go fuck herself then.
–90th & Amsterdam Ave
Man on cell: You know a guy really likes a girl when he takes her home to meet his mom…and you know what, Sheila? You ain't never gonna meet my mom.
–South Slope, Brooklyn
Overheard by: smfd
Female college student to friend: We really need to cougarize your mom.
–111th & Broadway
Overheard by: Oh really
Guy: So, hey, my mom didn't die today.
–W 26th & 8th
Overheard by: Katie_AK
Girl sneaking into open conductor's room in front of the train: Next stop, your mother's asshole! Stand clear of the closing cheeks!
–6 Train
Overheard by: Adriana
Handbag seller on street corner: Yo! Tell yo mama I got her bag right here!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Taryn
Girl on cell: Yeah, I'm bussin' it for now, my mom's on this thing that I have to show her responsibility… I know, it's like I get up in the morning, I haven't gotten arrested in a while, and I have a job, what more do you want from me?
–Seguine Ave & Waterbury, Staten Island
Lawyer to Latina secretary: Yes, I meant do it now! What did you think I meant, tomorrow? Don't make me go all Hiram Monserrate on you!
Latina secretary: Okay, I'll do it now.
Lawyer: You don't even know who Hiram Monserrate is, do you?
Latina secretary: No, who is he?
Lawyer: I don't have the time. Google him when you get a chance. On your own time.
–Court St
Overheard by: Big Larry
Yunnie girl #1: I hate the subway. You know, I've been fucked on the subway. Twice, actually.
Yunnie girl #2: Huh?
Yunnie girl #1: What–you mean you've never had sex on the subway?
–6 Train
Male cop: My brother got taken in for rape this morning. To jail.
Female cop: Yeah, one of my kids was arrested last week.
(both laugh)
–42nd St & Park Ave
Overheard by: Lynne
Male customer (looking dubiously at sandwich in wrapper marked chicken): Is this the fish fillet sandwich I ordered?
Counter person: Yes, the chicken is the fish.
–Wendy’s, Boston Road, The Bronx
Overheard by: Suze V
Film student girl #1: How was it?
Film student girl #2: Dunno. He definitely shouted out “Hasselblad.”
–Bobst Library, Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Bruce Lee
