“I'm Having a Wednesday One-Liner– And It's Yours!”

Man in floor-length green dress to passersby: How do you know if you're having a baby? It's by the way you lift your legs!

–8th & 34th

Guy to girlfriend: Just make sure you tell me if you're on antibiotics. I already got like three babies that way.

–Battery Park

Overheard by: It's how I got mine

Large black man: She was poppin' those babies out like an Easy-Bake Oven!

–Coney Island Broadwalk

Hobo woman yelling at random pregnant woman: I told you be careful with that belly! That baby's gonna die! It gonna die!

–Broadway & Liberty

Overheard by: CG

Man talking animatedly on cell: Yeah! Don't be surprised if the baby comes out with a hairy red ass!

–Spring Street, SoHo

Middle aged woman: Your baby wouldn't stop crying, so I put my tit in his mouth.

–W 12th & W 4th

Overheard by: michael diamond

Posted on December 16, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Babies, Battery Park, Black People, Body Parts, Boyfriends, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Colors, Compare/Contrast, Coney Island, Crying, Death, Fears, Guys, Hair, Health and Hygiene, Hobos, Men, Nipples, Offers and requests, On Cell, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Soho, The Village, Weirdness, West Village, Women, Words

Do Wednesday One-Liners Amuse You? Do They Exist to Make You Laugh?

Professor: Fat people are often funny.

–Baruch College

Girl to friend: When she OD'ed on him, it was so funny!

–Riverdale

Overheard by: Caitlin

Ditzy-looking middle aged woman on cell: The funniest thing today with the kids! They slammed me to the door and one of them bit my arm and I drew blood! (pauses) Yeah, I know, I'm going back tomorrow!

–F Train

Girl: So, like my friend thought it would be funny to jump in a pool that didn't have water in it.

–8th St & Broadway

Brooklyn artist: After four or five organic vodka tonics, all the ironic hairstyles in the bar start to actually be funny.

–Williamsburg

Posted on December 16, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Artists, Blood & bleeding, Body Parts, College, Compare/Contrast, Diet/Weight, Drinking & Drunk People, Friends, Girls, Hair, Hard Drugs, Laughter, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Physical appearance, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, The Bronx, The Village, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Williamsburg, Women

You Think It’s Funny When Another Old Man Gets His Ticket Punched?

Old man, after having ticket punched: He put holes in my ticket — he ruined it! [Commuter woman laughs, thinking he’s joking.] Why are you laughing? [Commuter woman gives another nervous laugh.] Why are you laughing?!

–LIRR

Overheard by: guingel

Posted on December 16, 2014
Crazies, Default, Guys, Old People, Paranoia, Public Transportation, Questions, Trains Not Subway, Weirdness

Catch-of-the-Day Wednesday One-Liners

Guy on bench to friend: What did you do? You can't just eat a fish!

–Central Park North

Chick on cell: Were we attacking each other with goldfish last night?

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

Woman to friend: And on top of that, I hear she smokes like a fish!

–Columbus & 67th

Overheard by: abcnews

Girl on cell: I don't have snakeskin shoes, but I have these fish shoes I really love. Yeah, they're made out of fish scales. They're awesome.

–Penn Station

Middle-aged African American woman: I went to eat in the Bronx and she gave me naked fish.

–Grand Central Terminal

Overheard by: the guy behind the guy

Posted on December 15, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Black People, Central Park, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Food, Friends, Girls, Grand Central, Guys, NYC Geography, On Cell, Penn Station, Questions, Shoes, Smoking, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, Women

Oh. Like a Joke

Older mailman (in AOL voice): You've got mail!
Woman (flatly): Yes.
Older mailman: Like a computer! You've got mail!

–The Village

Overheard by: CS

Posted on December 15, 2014
9 to 5-ers, Internet, Old People, The Village, Weirdness, Women

That's What a Werewolf Would Say

Crazy guy: You have sign of werewolf!
Outraged bystander: No, you're the werewolf!

–1 Train

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Posted on December 14, 2014
Crazies, On the Subway, Strangers, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!, Weirdness

That’s What They Call a “Dildon’t”

Girl #1: How’s your va… [inaudible].
Girl #2: Shhhh.
Girl #1: Your vagina!
Girl #2, flustered: Shhhh!
Girl #1: Didn’t your vibrator break?
[Everyone turns around to stare.]

–Butler Library, Columbia University

Posted on December 13, 2014
Columbia University, Default, Dildos and Vibrators, Etiquette, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Questions, Vagina, Weirdness, Words

New Yorkers Rarely Watch Their Language.

Guy: (says something in Hindi to friend across the aisle)
Crazy guy: Go on over there, son.
Guy: Do you speak Hindi?
Crazy guy: No, I speak French.
Guy: Well, I was speaking Hindi.
Crazy guy: Well, I was speaking Spanish.

–L Train

Posted on December 12, 2014
Crazies, Guys, Language Barrier, On the Subway, Weirdness

She Was All, “Your Prescription Came In.” Can You Imagine??

Guy #1: So, are you gonna go to the pharmacy again?
Guy #2: No, dude.
Guy #1: Why not? You should go to the pharmacy.
Guy #2: Dude, if I go to the pharmacy it's gonna be so awkward. She found my number in the database and called me.

–The Met

Posted on December 12, 2014
Guys, Questions, The Met, Weirdness

There's a Mustard Party Next Week If You're Interested

Super serious, energized young professional #1: So my roommates are totally into mustard.
Super serious, energized young professional #2: Yes. Love it.

–4 Train

Overheard by: Zach

Posted on December 12, 2014
Coworkers, Default, Junk Food & Fast Food, On the Subway, Weirdness

Weirdness