“This One Time, at Wednesday One-Liner Camp…”

Angry man on cell: He was a porn star, not a pianist.

–Outside Fairway, 72nd St

Goth chick on cell: We're inside. Yeah, she's playing "Creep" on a ukulele. No, I'm serious!

–Spiegelworld

Art student: I did some acid and they made me play with a guitar, but it felt like plastic and it sounded like cheese!

–Pratt Institute

Tall drummer girl: This is why I love you guys. When the drumline goes on break, they're like, "let's play some more!" When you guys go on break, you're like, "let's explore each others' bodies!"

–Pathmark

Overheard by: Another band geek

30-something African American woman: Mmm-hmm. He playin' her ass like a violin!

–Port Authority Bus Terminal

Overheard by: KTizzle

Posted on December 16, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Black People, College, Compare/Contrast, Food, Goths, Grocery Stores, Hard Drugs, Instruments, Jobs & Careers, Men, Music, Musicians, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Porn, Port Authority, Restaurants & Cafes, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Singing, Street, Students, Theater, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

“I'm Having a Wednesday One-Liner– And It's Yours!”

Man in floor-length green dress to passersby: How do you know if you're having a baby? It's by the way you lift your legs!

–8th & 34th

Guy to girlfriend: Just make sure you tell me if you're on antibiotics. I already got like three babies that way.

–Battery Park

Overheard by: It's how I got mine

Large black man: She was poppin' those babies out like an Easy-Bake Oven!

–Coney Island Broadwalk

Hobo woman yelling at random pregnant woman: I told you be careful with that belly! That baby's gonna die! It gonna die!

–Broadway & Liberty

Overheard by: CG

Man talking animatedly on cell: Yeah! Don't be surprised if the baby comes out with a hairy red ass!

–Spring Street, SoHo

Middle aged woman: Your baby wouldn't stop crying, so I put my tit in his mouth.

–W 12th & W 4th

Overheard by: michael diamond

Posted on December 16, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Babies, Battery Park, Black People, Body Parts, Boyfriends, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Colors, Compare/Contrast, Coney Island, Crying, Death, Fears, Guys, Hair, Health and Hygiene, Hobos, Men, Nipples, Offers and requests, On Cell, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Soho, The Village, Weirdness, West Village, Women, Words

Do Wednesday One-Liners Amuse You? Do They Exist to Make You Laugh?

Professor: Fat people are often funny.

–Baruch College

Girl to friend: When she OD'ed on him, it was so funny!

–Riverdale

Overheard by: Caitlin

Ditzy-looking middle aged woman on cell: The funniest thing today with the kids! They slammed me to the door and one of them bit my arm and I drew blood! (pauses) Yeah, I know, I'm going back tomorrow!

–F Train

Girl: So, like my friend thought it would be funny to jump in a pool that didn't have water in it.

–8th St & Broadway

Brooklyn artist: After four or five organic vodka tonics, all the ironic hairstyles in the bar start to actually be funny.

–Williamsburg

Posted on December 16, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Artists, Blood & bleeding, Body Parts, College, Compare/Contrast, Diet/Weight, Drinking & Drunk People, Friends, Girls, Hair, Hard Drugs, Laughter, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Physical appearance, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, The Bronx, The Village, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Williamsburg, Women

You Think It’s Funny When Another Old Man Gets His Ticket Punched?

Old man, after having ticket punched: He put holes in my ticket — he ruined it! [Commuter woman laughs, thinking he’s joking.] Why are you laughing? [Commuter woman gives another nervous laugh.] Why are you laughing?!

–LIRR

Overheard by: guingel

Posted on December 16, 2014
Crazies, Default, Guys, Old People, Paranoia, Public Transportation, Questions, Trains Not Subway, Weirdness

Catch-of-the-Day Wednesday One-Liners

Guy on bench to friend: What did you do? You can't just eat a fish!

–Central Park North

Chick on cell: Were we attacking each other with goldfish last night?

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

Woman to friend: And on top of that, I hear she smokes like a fish!

–Columbus & 67th

Overheard by: abcnews

Girl on cell: I don't have snakeskin shoes, but I have these fish shoes I really love. Yeah, they're made out of fish scales. They're awesome.

–Penn Station

Middle-aged African American woman: I went to eat in the Bronx and she gave me naked fish.

–Grand Central Terminal

Overheard by: the guy behind the guy

Posted on December 15, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Black People, Central Park, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Food, Friends, Girls, Grand Central, Guys, NYC Geography, On Cell, Penn Station, Questions, Shoes, Smoking, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, Women

Oh. Like a Joke

Older mailman (in AOL voice): You've got mail!
Woman (flatly): Yes.
Older mailman: Like a computer! You've got mail!

–The Village

Overheard by: CS

Posted on December 15, 2014
9 to 5-ers, Internet, Old People, The Village, Weirdness, Women

That's What a Werewolf Would Say

Crazy guy: You have sign of werewolf!
Outraged bystander: No, you're the werewolf!

–1 Train

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Posted on December 14, 2014
Crazies, On the Subway, Strangers, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!, Weirdness

That’s What They Call a “Dildon’t”

Girl #1: How’s your va… [inaudible].
Girl #2: Shhhh.
Girl #1: Your vagina!
Girl #2, flustered: Shhhh!
Girl #1: Didn’t your vibrator break?
[Everyone turns around to stare.]

–Butler Library, Columbia University

Posted on December 13, 2014
Columbia University, Default, Dildos and Vibrators, Etiquette, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Questions, Vagina, Weirdness, Words

New Yorkers Rarely Watch Their Language.

Guy: (says something in Hindi to friend across the aisle)
Crazy guy: Go on over there, son.
Guy: Do you speak Hindi?
Crazy guy: No, I speak French.
Guy: Well, I was speaking Hindi.
Crazy guy: Well, I was speaking Spanish.

–L Train

Posted on December 12, 2014
Crazies, Guys, Language Barrier, On the Subway, Weirdness

She Was All, “Your Prescription Came In.” Can You Imagine??

Guy #1: So, are you gonna go to the pharmacy again?
Guy #2: No, dude.
Guy #1: Why not? You should go to the pharmacy.
Guy #2: Dude, if I go to the pharmacy it's gonna be so awkward. She found my number in the database and called me.

–The Met

Posted on December 12, 2014
Guys, Questions, The Met, Weirdness

Weirdness