Did Wednesday Crawl Up Your One-Liner and Die?

Man on phone: So you know that guy whose mouth I farted in? He was totally at the bar last night.

–4th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: not that guy

Hobo to his dog: Was that you who farted or me? Because I think it was you.

–67th & Amsterdam

NYU kid on cell: No, no, dude! You're not hearing me! I'm telling you that we were playing the game "I never" and the question was "I've never farted in an elevator" …yeah! I know! But here's the thing, dude! She claimed she'd never farted! (laughs) Nooo, dude! You heard me right: Never ever. And I gotta tell you, bro: it's creepin' me out!

–La Guardia b/w Bleecker & Houston

Overheard by: Elevator Bomb Dropper

Jealous guy: I hope her boyfriend farts in her face and she gets pink eye.

–L Train

Woman on cell: Now, honey, tell the truth. Did you fart on Santa's lap?

–Brooklyn Heights

Overheard by: Mike N

Posted on December 20, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Guys, Hobos, Kids, Men, On Cell, Questions, Relationships, Students, The Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Reader Poll: Does Oprah Hate Herself?

Black girl #1: I'm just too black.
Black girl #2: Oh my god! You are so racist!
Black girl #3: You are just like Oprah! You be hatin' on your own self!

–Stuyvesant Place, Staten Island

Posted on December 20, 2014
Black People, Colors, Girls, Race, Staten Island, TV, Weirdness

And a Large Trash Bag, If You Have Any

Crazy Italian man to cashier: Fucking asshole! Where's my fucking money, fucking asshole?! You owe me money! She's German!
Cashier: Who?
Crazy Italian man: The German whore owes me $10,000! You'll be finding her body in the basement! That whore better watch out! I'm Italian and I know mafiosi from here to Beverly Hills! …I'll have a coffee to go…

–Europan Cafe, Columbus Circle

Overheard by: ryan and erin

Posted on December 20, 2014
Cashiers, Coffee, Crazies, Crime and Punishment, Insults, Italians, Money & Class, Murder, Restaurants & Cafes, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness

The Two Personality Types

Woman #1: It's a beautiful day outside.
Woman #2: I need to find a bathroom.

–Varick & Carmine

Posted on December 19, 2014
Beauty, Weather, Weirdness, West Village, Women

Also So My Female Friends Would Change Clothes in Front Of Me

Bro #1: I'm gonna get him… I wish I was gay so he could suck my dick!
Bro #2: Man, don't say that.
Bro #1: I said it. I wish I was gay!

–Franklin Ave.

Posted on December 19, 2014
BJs, Brooklyn, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Guys, Penis, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners Hope You’re Not a Cop

Man on cell: After I dropped Benny off at school I stopped by that harem.

–5th Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Nerd

Old bald guy looking at Asian call girl section in newspaper, on cell, speaking very slowly and very loudly: Do… You… Take… Veee-saaaah. Veee-saaaah. Veeee-saaaaah! Yes! Visa! No? Okay, thanks. [Same exact dialogue takes place three more times.] Bingo!

–Milford Hotel

Overheard by: not an asian call girl

Guy: I’m a good Jewish son -I got 90% off on a hooker!

–Central Park

Guy on cell: Man, I love hookers. My friend just told me about Craig’s list. Shit, there’s like 5,000 hookers on Craig’s list. I love that shit.

–Fordham University

Overheard by: who knew?

Guido in leather jacket, to suit: So did anything ever happen with the whore?

–39th & Broadway

Overheard by: Ladle

Asian girl to friend: As long as I’m slutting myself out, I might as well get paid for it!

–22nd & 9th

Overheard by: Kate

Posted on December 18, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Brooklyn, Central Park, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compliments, Family Ties, Fordham, Friends, Girls, Guidos, Guys, Happiness, Jews, Jobs & Careers, Judaism, Language Barrier, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Offers and requests, Old People, On Cell, Orgy, Prostitution, Questions, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Can't Do Much About the Adam's Apple

Brooklyn grandmother to another: My grandson is so different now that he's become a woman.

–4 Train

Middle aged man in binoculars on cell: Yeah! And just like that she threw me out! She kicked me out on my ass! She walked in and I was in her bra… and that was it!

–87th & Columbus Ave

Overheard by: GoneWithThe

Small black guy: Of course I'm a transvestite! Why else do you think it took you three guys to beat me up?

–W 36th St

Overheard by: Ellen

Twink to others: Sometimes you think a little boy is a child and then he turns out to be a much older woman.

–Chelsea

Overheard by: Urch

Attractive blonde: And then the… transvestite beauty queen thing happened. You know?

–Middagh & Henry

Overheard by: Matty

Posted on December 18, 2014
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Beauty, Black People, Breaking Up, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Family Ties, Gays and Lesbians, Gender issues, Girls, Guys, Kids, Men, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Queer guys, Questions, Sexuality, Trannies, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Violence, Weirdness

Psh, Like a Walk Sign Confers Magical Safety in New York

Drunk guy: Dude! Why are you crossing the street? You're gonna get yourself fuckin' killed!
Sober friend: It's a “walk” sign. And you're drunk.

–Lower East Side

Overheard by: Emma

Posted on December 17, 2014
Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Friends, Lower East Side, Murder, Questions, Weirdness

Anthony Michael Hall: “Can I Borrow Your Wednesday One-Liners for 10 Minutes?”

Professor: They make disposable everything these days. Disposable diapers, disposable razors. They even make edible underwear, don't they? (class is silent) Yes! They do! (pause) Maybe I'm telling you more about myself than I should be…

–Wagner College

Girl: Wait, my panties!

–Franklin St

Guy on phone: I told you to take your thong off!

–60th & Columbus

Man: I do not want to know your bra size! Ever!

–Hunter College

Overheard by: Christina M.

Guy on cell: He wore boxers and it was like, "okay, so you hang to the left…"

–W 46th St

Older gentleman to lady friend: If this keeps up, I'm going to have to start wearing underwear.

–14th St & 1st Ave