Drunk derelict #1: I invented big league chew!
Drunk derelict #2: You also have hepatitis.
–Staten Island Ferry
Overheard by: ryn
Drunk derelict #1: I invented big league chew!
Drunk derelict #2: You also have hepatitis.
–Staten Island Ferry
Overheard by: ryn
Girl to friend, after other girl leaves room: She’s cool. I like Jovanna.
Professor: You like Jovanna?!…I don’t. Professor breaks into laughter.
–Bard High School Early College
Conductor #1: Good morning, ladies and gentlemen. This is the Manhattan-bound, Sixth Avenue local F train. The next stop is…
Conductor #2: There is no next stop. Let’s go.
Conductor #1: Stand clear of the closing doors.
–F Train
Woman: This is a nice building.
Man: Andy Warhol was shot on the sixth floor.
Woman: Nice!
–33 Union Square West
Woman in elevator: So then he just bit off the hamster’s head.
Man in elevator: That’s gross.
Woman in elevator: I’m telling you. That’s what happens when you don’t feed babies. They just bite off hamsters’ heads and eat them. It’s disgusting.
Man just entering elevator: This is so disturbing.
–Elevator, Ripley-Ggrier Studios
Overheard by: a poor victim of this conversation
Old man: By this time of day, my left buttcheek always starts hurting! Not the right one, just the left one. In the morning I feel fine, but by the afternoon… It hurts!
Old lady: I don’t know what to tell you, Earl. Maybe you need to shake it more.
–Bay Terrace
Overheard by: Sov
PetCo employee: If your goldfish dies within the first fifteen days, you can return it for a full refund.
Customer: Do I bring back the corpse?
–Union Square PetCo
Overheard by: Jenny
Woman: So… After she took the banana, the monkey just up and slapped her! Can you believe that?
Man: What did she do?
Woman: What do you think she did? She slapped that bitch right back!
–JFK Airport
Little boy: I want a Cinnabon for breakfast!
Dour mom: Now, Matthew, let me ask you a question. How many grams of sugar does a Cinnabon have?
Little boy, dejectedly: Seven.
Dour mom: And how many grams of sugar are you allowed to eat at breakfast?
Little boy: Fiiiive.
Dour mom: Well then, don’t you think… [they go out of hearing range]
–5 Train
Overheard by: Jonathan Harford
High-school teen to friend: So, like, every guy that likes me must totally be a pedophile.
–Flatbush & Dekalb, Brooklyn
13-year-old: I mean, he’s not a pedophile, he’s just very open with his sexuality, and I like that.
–8th & Broadway
Overheard by: Kelly
Lesbian on cell: I just saw these girls and they were pretty. Really pretty. And fifteen. But then I heard them talking and I realized they were French! So it’s fine. Fifteen is legal there.
–36th St & Fifth Ave
Middle-aged teacher: I have this girl in my class that’s a six-year-old with a 46-year-old woman’s body.
–Prem-On Thai
Overheard by: office peon
Guy who just got more beer: This is the happiest place on earth… Except for that kindergarten I’m not allowed to go back to anymore.
–McSorley’s, 7th & 3rd
Overheard by: I’ll drink to that!
Seven-year-old boy running after another child: I’m a pedophile! I’m a pedophile! I’m a pedophile!
–Coney Island Boardwalk
Overheard by: that’swhathesaid
