Mom to four-year-old being picked on by brother: Tell him to leave you alone.
Four-year-old: Leave me the fuck ‘lone!
Mom: Hey! Watch your mouth.
Four-year-old: I’m gonna fuck ‘im up.
–Staten Island Ferry
Overheard by: ryn
Mom to four-year-old being picked on by brother: Tell him to leave you alone.
Four-year-old: Leave me the fuck ‘lone!
Mom: Hey! Watch your mouth.
Four-year-old: I’m gonna fuck ‘im up.
–Staten Island Ferry
Overheard by: ryn
Girlfriend: Did I ever tell you about the time I was on this train really late at night and this old guy sitting across from me was looking at these comics that had, like, really graphic drawings of vaginas?
Boyfriend: With like… vines crawling out of them?
Girlfriend: [Pause.] Ummm… No.
–Downtown 6 Train
Female conductor: Do we have a line-up, partner?
Male conductor: Yabba dabba dooooooo!
–Manhattan Bound E Train
Overheard by: I Am McLoVey
Dude: Oh hey: Love Actually. Have you ever seen this movie?
Chick: No. [Pauses and looks at the movie he is holding.] Oh, yes. Yes, I have.
Dude: You know, you always answer “no” first. No matter what I ask, you always answer “no” and then change your answer to “yes” when you actually realize what I said. You can actually think about the question before you answer, you know. The outcome would be the same.
–Barnes & Noble
Male passerby, to guy wrapped in blue cellophane: Dude, what are you doing?
Female passerby: Why are you wearing blue cellophane?
Guy wrapped in blue cellophane: It’s not blue cellophane!
–Wagner College
Teenage boy to father: You know, everyone knows you’re a furry now.
–Food Emporium, 86th St
Curly-haired chick on cell: It’s like you’re a health nut but with S&M tendencies.
–Ouidad
Overheard by: Pookins
Woman on cell: I’m constantly carrying around like four outfits, paperwork, leftover food, and collars.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: McF
Man on cell: Look, if you want to have sex with animals just get drunk and do it!
–Burrito Shop
Overheard by: Marc
Suit: …So if I raise the bed, then I can put the S&M toys under it.
–Bed, Bath, and Beyond
Overheard by: Katie
20-something college girl: Dude! I don’t know how I ended up on my knees calling him "Sir" okay!?… It just happened…
–St. Marks b/w 1st & A
Overheard by: i wish i was
Hot nerd on cell: I mean seriously, what’s the point of having friends if you can’t occasionally accuse them of sexual deviance?
–40th & 3rd
Hobo, to commuters: I’m hungry, homeless, and unemployed. I’m selling these candies for $0.25 so I can buy a meal. You’re all going to die, and you can’t take it with you, so give it to me!
–Shuttle to Times Square
Overheard by: Wondering why he couldn’t just eat the candy…?
Girl: So she was like: "Why can’t we have a candy corn background?" and I was like "Because you’re an idiot!"
–Starbucks, 34th St
Overweight yet stylish gay man: She had a hunger deep inside her that only a Snickers could quench.
–M101 Bus
Overheard by: Holla Back Girl
Mother to young son: You can get something, but I don’t want you to pick out no fucking twenty dollar candy. You ain’t been that good.
–Hershey World, Times Square
Overheard by: esgeness
Professor to student: I found out what they put in their brownies, I plan to use it against them!
–101st & Broadway
Group of high school girls to Mister Softee ice cream truck driver: Hey ice cream man! Ice cream man! Give us some ice cream! We’ll suck you off!
–Beverley & Ocean Parkway
Overheard by: A Radiant Sulk Ninja
Bimbette: So yesterday he called me to tell me that he’s going to beat my ass, and then he calls me today to ask if he can use my CD player.
–Staten Island Mall
Overheard by: Robert
Seven-year-old girl: She better watch herself before I pimp slap her.
–Amsterdam Projects
Girl, to rest of her punk skater group: But I be like: "Bitch, I don’t skate… I just beat bitches with it."
–Astor Place & Broadway
Overheard by: Jynx
Lady on cell: Is someone else going to smack you?
–1 Train
Overheard by: Krisztina
Man on cell: What… You flubbed what? Listen dude, I’m in midtown, but it’s too far a cab ride to come beat a grown man’s ass.
–W Hotel, 49th & Lex
Overheard by: Miami Hitman
Bus driver to angry man: You want a piece of this? There are 26 places on the body that can kill you instantly. I can hit 4 in one shot. You wanna dance?!
–M16 Bus
Overheard by: nora!
Guy #1: What?
Guy #2: Huh?
Guy #1: Huh?
Guy #2: What?
Guy #1: I didn’t say anything.
Guy #2: Me neither.
Guy #1: Don’t talk to me.
–Hunter College
Overheard by: Hugh
ACLU girl soliciting signatures for petition: Hey, you’ve heard of us, haven’t you?
Old man: Yes, we have. And we don’t like you! We don’t like you!
–Outside the Met
Overheard by: Samantha
