Show Me the Wednesday One-Liners!

Angry teen on cell: I'm not gonna pay 18 dollars for a wedgie!

–Lingerie Department, Macy's

Overheard by: me neither

Girl on cell: I don't have a problem with camping, but why do they have to give me a sleeping bag? Can't they give me linens? It's not like I'm not giving them an insignificant amount of money.

–W Broadway & Grand

Suit on cell: At first I was only making $30,000 a year, but last year I got shot in the foot, and then I got a $1,000 bonus, so now I'm making $32,000 a year. Shit!

–F Train

Overheard by: Brittany Smith

Loud woman on cell: I like and don't mind fucking you, but I need to get paid. I'm unemployed right now.

–108th & Broadway

Elevator operator for observatory, upon leaving: Please come again! We want your money.

–Empire State Building

Old guy in dark suit to young guy in dark suit: You're not embezzling money!

–48th & 8th

Posted on August 13, 2014
9 to 5-ers, All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Customers, Girls, Guys, Harassment, Holidays, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, Prostitution, Questions, Sex, Shoot, Soho, Store, Street, Suits, Teens, Thievery, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Thick and Crusty? Blech!

White-haired man with thick New York accent: She's like a mayonnaise sandwich on Wonder bread.
Younger woman: Ugh, that's awful!

–56th St & 2nd Ave

Posted on August 13, 2014
Compare/Contrast, Food, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Women

178.

Young man: So I told her, “shut the hell up, you fucking bitch!”
Older woman: Jeez, how many times can you be in a homicidal rage over musical theater?

–A Train

Overheard by: Kelly

Posted on August 13, 2014
Anger Management, Insults, Men, Murder, On the Subway, Questions, Theater & Dance, Weirdness, Women

Why Isn’t Blood Red an Easter Color?

Woman: Oh, look at these.
Man: They’re Easter colors.
Woman: I thought they were Shrek colors.

–Staples, Vesey & Broadway

Overheard by: Susan

Posted on August 13, 2014
Christianity, Customers, Film, Holidays, Men, Movies, Shopping, Soho, Stupidity, Women

Trouble Brewing

Woman #1: He is so sophisticated.
Woman #2: He sounds like he is.
Woman #1: Yeah, like, he loves champagne. I’m just as happy with Colt 45.

–D train

Overheard by: Billy Dee

Posted on August 11, 2014
Drinks, On the Subway, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Use “Summer” As a Verb

Older woman to friend: Down there where the servants are, you know, where the gardening people and the kitchen is, I don't go there. I just don't go there.

–38th & 5th

Overheard by: garden in manhattan?

Greek Princess shopping for wedding rings: This isn't the more expensive ring I wanted but we just bought an apartment in the 70s.

–Tiffany's Second Floor

Overprivileged teenage girl on cell: The bourgeoisie… The bourgeoisie are like, the common people.

–Union Square

College girl: No, I mean seriously: who, by the age of 25, has not been to Rome or Florence?

–Fordham University, Lincoln Center

Overheard by: Dan

Six-year-old: Mommy, how do you spell "Forbes"?

–Restaurant, Upper East Side

Overheard by: jess

Posted on August 10, 2014
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Fordham, Friends, Girls, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Old People, On Cell, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Rich people, Sorority Girls, Store, Stupidity, Teens, Travel, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wishes & desires, Women, Words

K.d. Langsday One-Liners

Chatty woman: There were two lesbians, or transsexuals, or whatever you call it…

–26th St & Park Ave

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Crazy shouting hobo: Lesbians are rapists! Lesbians are rapists! You stick your tongue in a pussy, you're a rapist! Rapist lesbians! Lesbians are rapists!

–E Train

Woman on cell: Of course I thought she was a lesbian! She walked like a dude!

–Sunset Park, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Laura

Middle aged woman to male on train, in one breath: Scientists say that in 2012 the sun will line up with the milky way and change the axle on the earth and you know it is hard to be a black lesbian cause most of these women just get tired of men and have sex with a woman but that doesn't mean they are bisexual just because they have sex with men and women and they ain't really lesbians they just think they are cause they have sex with women…

–D Train

Overheard by: thomas

Normal-looking girl to girlfriends: Do you know how many woman hit on me when I was in San Francisco?

–Bedford & 6th

Man on street: Does anybody need a lesbian lover? Because I'll get a sex change…

–79th St & Broadway

Posted on August 10, 2014
Brooklyn, Gays and Lesbians, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, Questions, Sexuality, Trains Not Subway, Trannies, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, West Village, Women

An Amuse-Bouche Douche

Drunk middle aged lady: Aww, love is great…you and your boyfriend are such a cute couple.
Chick: Oh, that guy? He's not my boyfriend. I'm just sleeping with him.
Drunk middle aged lady (laughing): Really? Good for you, he's cute. Well, maybe it'll turn into something more?
Chick: Oh, god no! He's an asshole…but he's amazing in bed and he's fun company… He's like a vibrator that makes appetizers.

–White Horse Tavern

Overheard by: the birthday girl

Posted on August 10, 2014
Bars & Clubs, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Default, Drunks, Girls, Insults, Love, Relationships, Weirdness, West Village, Women

If Your Finances Are in the Black

Chick: Why did you move my beverage to the floor?
Woman #1: You’re not supposed to have drinks on the train. Especially not on the seats.
College chick: It’s not going to spill. Are you a cop?
Woman #1: No, I’m a taxpayer.
Chick: So am I. I have rights, too.
Woman #1: Yeah, I’m a cop.
Woman #2: Can you be a taxpayer and a cop?

–1 train

Posted on August 9, 2014
Cops, Crime and Punishment, Food, Money & Class, On the Subway, People, Places, Topics, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Love the Rear Naked Choke

Girl to another: And she went to get into her car. I was like "you'd better get out of here or I'm gonna fuck you up." And she was all slamming the door and stopping over to me. And I was all in her face and bitch-slapped her. Well, that last part might have been a dream. But then she got into her car and left.

–NY Central Library

Overheard by: amused

Woman on cell: Hi, Annie! How are you? (pause) I'm going to get my ass kicked by a very big black man.

–Park Slope

Suit on cell: If you don't stop hanging up on me, I will kick you in the throat.

–Times Square

Guy on cell, very loudly: Yeah, but, so nobody knows about it except me and the other guys in the fight club.

–21st St & Broadway

Overheard by: Alex

20-something girl: And then she chloroformed me. (pause) I said that too loud.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Russ