Woman #1: I’m seeing this guy who’s really nice and he’s rich, he’s loaded, but he doesn’t turn me on at all. I never come. But he keeps asking me to marry him! I know I’ll never get this opportunity again. I dunno what to do.
Woman #2: Marry him and buy a vibrator!
Woman #1: Oh my god, I never thought of that! That’s exactly what I’ll do. Gee, thanks, great idea!
–Hot dog stand, 40th & 7th
Overheard by: Deborah Olin
Woman: That Chinese food was so cheap.
Man #1: That’s because it was either dog or koala meat.
Man #2: Aren’t koalas endangered?
Man #1: No, they’re not endangered. They’re just starving.
–Downtown elevator
20-something woman on cell: Did I tell you mom got into a fight with a raccoon again? (pause) Yeah, I know, our mom is totally going to die of rabies.
–Starbucks, West Village
Overheard by: Vaccinated for rabies
Guy to another: Flap your wings baby, just flap your wings!
–Broadway
Woman, shouting at no one in particular: You know I'm unstoppable! I'm like an ox!
–1 Train
Overheard by: Rose Fox
NYU girl: My mother was like, "what would you do with a giant inflatable turkey?" and I was like, "what wouldn't you do with a giant inflatable turkey?"
–3rd Ave & 14th St
Overheard by: Mickey
Foreign guy #1: Is it a 4-door?
Rental car lady: I have no idea, I haven’t even begun the process yet.
She reaches into a drawer and pulls out a set of keys.
Rental car lady: Yes.
Foreign guy #2: That was some process.
–Avis, West 43rd Street
Overheard by: mike k
Lady: Oh, there’s sales tax when you register a car?
DMV woman: Yeah, ther’e sales tax. You can’t buy nuthin’ without payin’ no sales tax.
Lady: Well, this is the first car I’ve ever bought. Didn’t I already
pay sales tax when I bought the car? I don’t understand. What if I don’t have the money? I don’t have that kind of money on me. I waited an hour on this line for nothing. What do I do now?
DMV woman: Honey, we ain’t got no installment plan.
–DMV, Atlantic Center
Chick #1: What an asshole. Do I look like a transvestite?
Chick #2: No.
Chick #1: Sometimes when a woman is tall and she’s dressed like a woman, she really is a woman.
Chick #2: Unless you’re in Chelsea.
–1 Train
Middle-aged theatrical man, watching summer crowds: Ah! Manhattan in the summer… The hypnotic sway of the unfettered breast…
–Rockefeller Center
Woman on cell to friend: If I have hips this big and I haven't even had a kid, I'm getting boobs. I just want a nice round c cup!
–14th St & 10th ave
Overheard by: adam
Girl to boyfriend, after putting cell phone in her jacket: Yeah… That's not a pocket, that's my tit.
–L Train
Overheard by: TR
Guy on cell phone: What's up, biscuit-tits?
–21st St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: Steve
16-year-old girl to buxom pal: Your breasts are a personal attack on me!
–F Train
Overheard by: wish i was being attacked
Lady: If the doormen went on strike, what would they do?
Guy: They would stand outside their buildings and picket.
Lady: How is that different from their job other then the fact that
they would be holding a sign?
–3rd & A
Woman: They are so ridiculous.
Man: Why?
Woman: I told her, “If you girls have enough money to eat, then you should have $10 for a manicure.”
–Air Jamaica terminal, JFK
Overheard by: vin
Woman: She brought a bottle of vodka on the plane with her. She was doing shots the whole flight.
–Central Park
Overheard by: sarah
Conductor: The next stop is Cherry Hill, but for the men singing, it was alcohol.
–NJ Transit
Overheard by: Date Rape
Smooth operator: Don’t worry, I thought you were pretty before I got drunk.
–Subway
Party girl: Yeah, so I did like 10 shots and woke up the next day wearing only one shoe and a sombrero.
–51st St & Broadway
Hobo: Ladies and gentlemen, I have spent all my money on alcohol and marijuana and drugs… But now, I have learned my lesson. I want to spend all your money on alcohol and marijuana and drugs… and viagra…
–Union Square, uptown 6 train
Guy: Dude, I can’t get that drunk. I am trying to fuck that girl tonight.
–Outside Columbia dorm
Bimbette: Oh my god, it was a terrorist act! I’m going to the wine bar.
–68th St & York
