36-year-old bald clubster: There's no way you're 36. I'm 36, and there's just no way.
36-year-old woman: No! Really, I am.
36-year-old bald clubster: What did you do–make a deal with the devil?
36-year-old woman: We've talked.
–Union Square
Overheard by: birdie
Older woman: Mice grow up to be rats. I have mice.
Older guy: No, they don't!
Older woman: Yes they do, mice grow up to be rats.
Older guy: No, they don't! They're different species. They're cousins.
Older woman: No, they aren't!
Older guy: Yes, they are–they're cousins, like rabbits and squirrels.
Older woman: No–mice grow up to be rats!
Older guy: No, they don't! There are even different species of rats. German rats,
Norwegian rats…
Older woman: Okay, let's change the subject–I hate rats.
Older guy: Do you know pigeons have strokes?
Older woman: What?
Older guy: Pigeons have strokes. They don't last long, but they do.
Older woman: Uh…okay.
Older guy: Pigeons learn to fly when they're five weeks old.
–A Train
Man: Virginity is a state of mind.
Woman: I beg to differ. My hymen has been ruptured.
–Brooklyn Lyceum
Woman #1: I noticed last night you had your nails done.
Woman #2: I hope I didn’t hurt you.
Woman #1: We just have to be careful not to stretch anything.
Woman #2: Let’s call Jimmy next time, he’s great from a directive point of view.
Woman #1: I wonder if anyone’s listening to this conversation…
–A Train
92-year-old mother-in-law: It’s a two girl wedding?
Daughter-in-law, passing by second reception hall: Yes, two women are having a wedding reception, they got married.
Mother in law, as she studies the two women: Well, that one [Points.] isn’t so bad. she could have gotten a man.
Daughter-in-law: She didn’t want a man. she’s attracted to women.
Mother in law: I never had a chance to try that.
[Then proceeds back and forth to the bathroom several times during reception, to check.]
–Wedding Reception, Essex House
Overheard by: bridesmaid
30-ish woman #1: So he’s never went down on you — no big deal. Young guys are like that.
30-ish woman #2: But he’s twelve…
–Times Square
Lady suit: I mean, if she got hit by a bus or something and he was grieving and I brought over a casserole, he would totally fall in love with me.
Suit #1: It would have to be a damn good casserole.
Lady suit: I make a damn good casserole–have you never had my casserole?
Suit #2: Maybe we should invite her over to the office and have a party on the balcony, and then we can all bump into her at the same time and push her off.
–Lincoln Plaza Cinemas
Overheard by: indie movie girl
Woman #1, washing her hands: So I went to see Cirque du Soleil the other night.
Woman #2, in a stall: Really?
Woman #1: And this guy is doing this whole routine with chairs. He just had a whole mess of chairs, and he was balancing them on each other, and he was sometimes balancing on them too.
Woman #2: Ok…
Woman #1: And it made me realize, I really appreciate chairs. I just fucking hate Cirque du Soleil.
–Ladies' Room, Bowery Poetry Club
Overheard by: also a fan
Disgruntled woman #1: It's not that he kissed my cousin…
Disgruntled woman #2: Right.
Disgruntled woman #1: And it's not that he can't feel emotions…
Disgruntled woman #2: Most guys can't!
Disgruntled woman #1: It's that he drinks Bacardi-151!
Disgruntled woman #2: I'm sayin'!
–The Courtyard Marriot, Times Square
Lost-looking chick on cell: Why do they always fuck with the trains on weekends? Don't they know there are stoned people trying to get home?
–Subway Platform, Grand Central
Overheard by: Poogtastic
Loudspeaker dispatcher lady: Hey you! Uptown number 5! You better stop sticking your head out the window and answer me on the radio!
–Uptown 4,5,6 Train, Union Square
Overheard by: da sarkastik ninja.
Elegant gentleman, as train starts to depart station: Oh, I didn't realize the train was going to move.
–Crowded Uptown 1 Train
MTA announcement: The uptown 1 train is running.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Krisztina
Dispatcher: The arriving train will be the next train. The arriving train will be the next train.
–G Train, Court Square
Overheard by: Katrink
Old man: I'm coming, train. I'm coming. I'm coming, train, you son of a bitch bastard!
–6 Train
